


Let Me In

by Thats_Not_Write



Series: Let Me. [1]
Category: The Fall (TV 2013), The X-Files
Genre: AU, Angst, Crossover, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:00:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 76,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28798014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thats_Not_Write/pseuds/Thats_Not_Write
Summary: Doctor Dana Scully meets Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson in an emergency room in London, and they feel...something. But Scully is a mother to eleven-year-old William, and Stella is a little bit broken.It's a love story, although not without its complications.
Relationships: Stella Gibson & Dana Scully, Stella Gibson/Dana Scully
Series: Let Me. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2111406
Comments: 294
Kudos: 295





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU of sorts, so here’s what you need to know:
> 
> This story is canon with The X-Files through season 9. There is one exception to that statement that will become clear later, but I’ll leave that as a surprise.
> 
> This story is also canon with the events of The Fall, but it assumes those events happened about a year before this story begins.

_London, September 2012 — Tuesday Evening_

Stella Gibson was pissed and in a lot of pain. If she were being honest with herself, she was feeling a lot of things at the moment, but she had decided to unceremoniously push everything else away in favor of anger. She was sitting in a hospital bed waiting to be examined by a doctor and memories of other hospital visits were threatening to encroach from the edges of her mind. She was having a hard time keeping them out, feeling the beginnings of panic, and the only thing providing a distraction was her growing frustration.

Stella felt like she’d been waiting forever. If she’d had it her way, she would have been at home in her bathtub with a glass of wine, but new rules at work required any officer injured on the job to receive medical attention when there was a head injury. _Just my luck,_ she thought. She was considering leaving, but then remembered she didn’t have her car. She’d convinced someone at the scene to drive her to the hospital so that she didn’t have to take the humiliating ride in the ambulance. She was thinking about how she wasn’t too keen on the idea of a taxi when the curtain around her bed finally opened.

“Stella Gibson?” the doctor asked as she walked toward the bed, focusing on a clipboard in front of her that Stella reasoned was probably her medical chart.

“Yes,” Stella responded, trying and failing to hide the annoyance she was feeling.

The doctor looked up and smiled tightly. “Doctor Dana Scully,” she said, offering a hand to shake.

Stella shook the hand and smiled back with a hint of an apology, all of her feelings quickly doused by the arrival of the stunning woman before her. Dana Scully had long red hair that fell in waves down her back, intensely blue eyes, and Stella calculated they were about the same height. She wore a doctor’s coat over a pencil skirt and cotton blouse, and had on heels that gave her an extra seven centimeters. Suddenly, Stella’s frustration was no longer the distraction.

“So, what happened to your head Stella?” Scully asked, looking back down at the clipboard.

“I hit it. On the ground,” she supplied, the question pulling her back to reality. Stella didn’t really want to get into the details of the incident that forced this visit, still a little embarrassed by it.

Scully looked up at her and raised her eyebrow, indicating she expected at least a few additional pieces of information.

“I’m a detective. I was participating in the arrest of a suspect. When I landed on the ground, my head hit pavement,” Stella provided. She looked down and started fidgeting with the melted ice pack in her hands as the anxiety returned.

“Okay,” Scully said. She put the clipboard down on the end of the bed and slipped her hands into the pockets of her white coat. “What is your level of pain?”

Stella shook her head and immediately regretted the action, the throb in her head becoming more pronounced. “I’m fine really, I’m only here because I’m required to get an all-clear for work.”

“Mmhmmm,” mumbled the doctor.

She sat down on the stool next to the bed and rolled closer as she leaned in to catch Stella’s eyes. “Listen Stella, one truism in life is that doctors and cops make horrible patients. I am a shining example of that, you can ask anyone. Sadly for you, that means that I’m incredibly good at spotting someone who is not going to be a very good patient. So, let me make it clear that any questions I ask you are necessary to me clearing you for duty.”

Scully paused to allow Stella to absorb her words.

Surprisingly, Scully’s assertiveness wasn’t off-putting. It came across as a soft reckoning, as if Scully was telling Stella that they are equals here and offering a certainty of mutual respect and control. She searched Scully’s face and found only honesty, her eyes revealing that she did know all too well what the mind of a law enforcement officer was like. Stella thought she saw memories there, too, like Scully was thinking about all-too-frustrating times that she had faced such resistance in the past.

A hint of a smile twitched at the corner of Stella’s lips.

Appeased, Scully continued, “Let’s try again: how’s the pain?”

“Seven, worse if I move my head.”

“Can you describe it?”

“Throbbing.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Scully stood, stepping to close the distance between them. She lifted her hands to examine Stella’s head and Stella flinched and looked away, her anxiety flaring along with an instinct to protect herself from another’s touch. In an instant, Scully put her hands back in her pockets and stepped away.

Scully paused and waited for Stella to look at her. When she had her attention, she explained, “I’m going to feel around the back of your head to examine your skull for any damage. We’ll need to do scans as well, but a physical examination should give me a pretty definitive idea right now of your condition.”

Stella held eye contact with Scully and considered her options. She didn’t want to be touched; this incident with the suspect had brought up still-fresh memories from Belfast that had her on edge. But again, something in Scully’s eyes told Stella she could be trusted, that she would be gentle and Stella could tell her to stop at any time.

“Okay,” Stella said softly.

Scully stepped back toward Stella and again raised her hands to Stella’s head, slower this time. She softly felt around Stella’s skull until she located a bump. She pressed softly, pausing her hands when she heard Stella hiss in pain and felt Stella’s hand come up to grab her wrist. Scully let a few seconds pass but did not remove her hands. After a breath, Stella dropped her hand from Scully’s wrist and allowed her to continue.

When Scully finished, she pulled a penlight out of her jacket pocket. “Can you look forward for me?” Scully then directed Stella through a series of neurological and cognitive questions, testing her sensory responses, balance, coordination, reflexes, and memory. When those were done, the doctor sat back down on the stool.

“Okay, I’m not seeing any signs of a concussion. Like I said, we’ll need to do a scan to be sure of that before I can sign off on anything. My examination of your skull doesn’t indicate to me that you have any bone damage,” Scully told her, picking up the clipboard off of the bed. “I’ll put in for a scan immediately, but they’re backed up in radiology. Unfortunately, it’s going to be a bit of a wait.”

Stella sighed at what she had already expected—more waiting. “Can I ask you a question then, Dr. Scully?”

Scully nodded, her attention on Stella’s chart as she made some notations.

“You mentioned you know how us law enforcement types are. Do you encounter a lot of cops in the emergency room?”

“A fair amount, yes,” Scully confirmed.

“But that’s not the only reason why you know?” Stella ventured. The way Scully had brought up the subject made Stella think she has family in law enforcement, possibly a father or brother, maybe even a husband.

Scully froze and looked up, seeming to consider whether to offer this piece of herself.

“I used to work for the FBI. I quit about eight years ago,” Scully said, turning her attention back to Stella’s chart and closing herself off from further conversation.

Stella’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. She certainly hadn’t expected that.

Nor had she expected the deluge of emotions that crossed Scully’s face with it. They were subtle, a testament to the doctor’s lifetime of experience controlling her emotions in the presence of others, but there was pain there. Stella knew that there is a story behind that admission, probably many, but she also knew better than to push.

Relief settled on Scully’s face when Stella didn’t ask another question, and the doctor placed a hand softly on Stella’s arm as a silent _thank you_. “I’ll be around to check on you, make sure you’re managing the pain alright.”

With that, Stella was alone again.

***

Scully sat at the nurses’ station notating a recently discharged patient’s chart. Her mind had been on Stella Gibson since she left her, or rather, on the memories that Stella had brought to the front of Scully’s mind. Scully hadn’t repressed memories of her time with the FBI, but she had had little cause to reminisce about that time in her life since moving to London eight years ago. She felt herself looking back at that part of her past with an odd detachment now; it seemed like another life.

“Dr. Scully?” A voice pulled her from her thoughts. “Stella Gibson’s medical history.”

“Thank you,” Scully replied, taking the files from a nurse named Kate.

Scully moved the chart aside and opened the file. She’d pulled the records because she wanted to be sure that Stella hadn’t experienced any other recent head injuries. She scanned a few pages before she came upon some scanned documents that appeared to be from a hospital in Ireland.

She read slowly through the emergency room intake report, feelings of disbelief and sadness washing over her. There was a detailed account of the attack Stella had survived in Belfast, one by a dangerously volatile suspect of a case she had been working. Also in the file were photographs of Stella’s injuries to her left eyebrow and cheek, a scan of her chest that showed a few broken ribs, and photos of the significant bruising along her abdomen.

As Scully learned more about Stella, she had seen herself—the remnants of trauma, a demanding job that all too often ended at the hospital, a woman trying to overcome the pitfalls of working in a man’s world. She had felt a kinship between them, one woven of mutual experience and understanding. It was the only reason she had told Stella about the FBI, although she’d immediately felt anxious about revealing the information after she said it. This report validated what she’d felt.

Scully closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. Already at the forefront of her mind, echoes of her own experience rose to haunt her, flashes of Donnie Pfaster coming at her in his childhood home and then again in her apartment. The earlier sense of detachment was gone, and Scully felt herself fighting to control the fear that had suddenly engulfed her. She forced herself to open her eyes and look around, grounding herself by identifying objects near her.

Her thoughts moved back to Stella. She skimmed the remainder of her file, noticing a few other hospital visits from on-the-job injuries, but none to Stella’s head. According to the records, she hadn’t been to the hospital or to any doctor since the incident in Belfast. _She has got to be nervous right now,_ Scully thought. She knew she would be.

She turned to Kate. “Has anyone administered the medication I ordered for Stella Gibson?” Scully asked.

“That was my next stop,” Kate replied.

“Let me,” Scully said.

Kate threw her a questioning look in response. Doctors didn’t normally deliver medications to the patients. Nonetheless, she handed Scully a tray with the medication and a water pitcher with cups.

Scully paused for a moment to be sure her own memories were locked away. _Never bring your own trauma into a room with a patient._ She reminded herself that Stella also didn’t want her pity, already knowing Stella was the type of woman who would shun such an emotion. _Not unlike me_.

As an afterthought, she grabbed another ice pack and added a second medication to the tray before heading to Stella’s bed.

***

Stella jumped slightly when the curtain opened, pulling herself out of a spiral of anxious thoughts. She looked up and smiled lightly, surprised to see Dr. Scully back so soon.

Scully smiled back her. “Hey.”

“Dr. Scully,” Stella said.

“You can call me Scully.”

Confusion crossed Stella’s face.

“Or…Dana,” Scully amended. She wasn’t really sure why she said _Scully_. Maybe it was because Stella was law enforcement. Everybody at the FBI had known her by her last name, which caused an unintentional but sometimes welcome separation between her personal and professional worlds. _At least until Mulder,_ she thought.

Stella’s mouth quirked with amusement. “Dana, then,” she said.

Scully set the the tray on the table next to the bed and picked up one of the medicine cups. She handed Stella the pills and poured her a cup of water.

“Ibuprofen,” Scully said, sensing the question from Stella. After Stella swallowed the pills, Scully handed her the ice pack and watched her for a moment. She had seen signs of anxiety earlier, but they seemed to ebb and flow.

Stella looked to the tray, noticing a second medication cup. “And that?” she asked, pointing at it.

“A sedative,” replied Scully. She sat down on the stool next to the bed.

Stella’s body language became guarded and she looked away. “I don’t want that.”

“You don’t have to take it. I brought it just in case,” Scully replied.

Stella sat silently for a moment. She felt the anxiety creep back in, but the thought of losing control to a sedative was worse; it was out of the question. She didn’t like the idea of feeling more vulnerable in this environment. Her breathing started to quicken, and she closed her eyes to fight a swell of tears.

Scully placed a hand on Stella’s wrist, squeezing it to pull her attention back to reality. She didn’t know where Stella’s mind was going, but she knew it would be unproductive for her to spiral toward any memories that would cause her to panic.

“Stella, you don’t have to take the sedative. I’m not going to make you. I just wanted you to know it was an option. I’ll take it away.” Scully lifted her hand from Stella’s and rose to leave with the tray.

“Please don’t go, yet,” Stella said softly. She opened her eyes again and looked down at her wrist where Scully’s hand had been a moment before. The gesture had been calming, and in an instant she missed it.

Scully sat back down and a few tense moments passed. She didn’t move to touch Stella again. “I had my fair share of hospital visits when I was with the FBI. More than my fair share, really,” she told Stella with a smile, attempting to distract her from her thoughts.

Stella looked up, her eyes grateful for the change in subject, although she couldn’t bring herself to return the smile. “Any worth sharing?”

“Ha, well…I was shot once,” Scully supplied, thinking it was probably best to avoid some of the weirder stories that had ended in injury. “Another FBI agent. He shot a suspect, and the bullet went through the suspect and into my abdomen.”

Stella winced. She paused for a moment before she pointed out the obvious. “You survived.”

“It was a close call, but I did. The suspect wasn’t as lucky,” Scully said quietly. Stella watched as the memory crossed Scully’s face, and noticed as she immediately tried to bury it.

Scully looked to Stella and produced a sigh. “I haven’t thought about my time at the FBI in a while,” she admitted.

“Too many bad memories?” Stella asked in a noncommittal tone.

“Mmm, there’s probably an equal number of good, bad, and unbelievable memories. But I think when I moved to London, I put that life behind me. A fresh start of sorts. It gave me a reason to tuck that part of my past away in a corner of my mind that I don’t visit.”

Stella just nodded and stared at her lap again. She had places in her mind that she didn’t visit too.

“I should let you rest,” Scully stated, moving again to leave.

Stella didn’t stop her this time, but said, “Not likely while I’m here. You weren’t wrong about the anxiety.”

Scully couldn’t tell if Stella wanted her to stay, but she didn’t want to leave her alone. “I’ll come back to chat with you then. Keep you company.”

“You don’t have to—“ Stella started, but Scully cut her off.

“It’ll keep me awake. Night shifts,” Scully stated with finality.

Stella didn’t fight her, pleased with the prospect of spending more time with the doctor. With no response from Stella, Scully left again.


	2. Chapter 2

“How’s the pain?” Scully asked when she returned.

“It’s fine,” said Stella.

“Do you need—”

“Dana, if you’re just going to ask me if I’m fine every few minutes, then I’m going to stage a prison break.”

Scully held her hands up in mock surrender. She sat down on the stool.

Stella eyed her. “Do you always sit with your patients in the middle of the night?”

Scully looked away shyly, suppressing a smile. “I—yes, it’s a new service we’re providing.”

Stella huffed a laugh. “Right.”

They sat awkwardly for a few moments.

“Should we engage in small talk?” Stella asked wryly in an attempt to fill the silence.

“Please no,” Scully said immediately, laughing as the tension broke.

***

“Why did you move to London?” Stella asked.

“My brothers are in Europe, and when my mother passed away, I needed to be closer to them,” Scully said, a hesitant lilt in her answer. The move to London had been impulsive and born of grief, but she has never regretted it.

Stella raised an eyebrow but stayed silent.

“What?” Scully asked her, smiling. The eyebrow quirk felt wonderfully familiar.

Stella shook her head. “I just expected you to say you were running away from something,” Stella posited.

Scully looked thoughtful for a moment. “I’m not sure running away is quite accurate, but maybe I was leaving a life that didn’t turn out quite the way I thought it would.”

“Did you find what you were looking for here?” Stella asked.

“I’m not sure I was looking for anything but a clean slate, an opportunity to start over. Not completely…some things in my life aren’t so easily shaken off. But coming here gave me a way to live without carrying around the worst of my baggage,” Scully admitted. Distance had given her that much.

Stella didn’t ask for more from her, so Scully filled the silence with a question. “What about you, you’ve lived in London for…?”

“Forever,” Stella stated. She smiled. “I grew up in the outer suburbs, moved to the city proper right after college.”

“Never wanted to leave?” Scully asked.

“I think I’d miss it too much,” Stella confessed. She looked to Scully. “You left the States to get away from your baggage; I stay in London to stay close to mine.”

“People you don’t want to leave?”

“Something like that,” Stella offered. The people were already gone, but she felt closer to the memories here.

Scully understood. If her mother were still alive, she would still be in the States. She never would have been willing to move so far away from Maggie. She missed her every day, but Maggie’s death had opened a path for her that she hadn’t realized she needed—a way to separate herself from the darkest parts of her past, a way to find some light. One last gift from mother to daughter.

***

“What kind of cases did you work when you were with the Bureau?” Stella asked tentatively.

Scully tensed slightly, her eyes taking on a faraway look. “Unusual ones. My partner and I specialized in…unexplainable cases.”

“Unexplainable?”

“Yeah, we would get called if there was anything the agents working the case couldn’t explain. Anything from a possible occult connection, to symbolism that needed interpreting, to reports of unusual…abductions.” Scully locked eyes with her for a moment before looking away again and bracing herself for the judgment.

Stella could read Scully’s discomfort, so she deviated from the topic. “What’s it like working with a partner?”

Scully looked up in confusion. “You don’t have one?”

“No, the Met doesn’t assign partners. Officers sometimes get paired up for a case, or we work cases alone,” she explained.

Scully nodded, and then her eyes took on the distanced look again. “I only had one partner. It can be good and bad.”

“How long were you together?”

“Ten years, give or take,” Scully said. She looked at Stella. “That’s unusual, though. People generally have multiple partnerships during their careers as they move into different positions and advance.”

“But you didn’t?”

Scully looked down at her hands, shaking her head. “Extenuating circumstances,” she offered.

Stella watched Scully push away more memories. She let the topic drop, giving up on finding a line of questioning about the doctor’s former career that didn’t elicit pain.

***

“What do you do for fun?” Scully asked in an attempt to lighten their conversation.

“How does that question not count as small talk?” Stella asked with a smirk.

“I genuinely want to know,” Scully replied, answering the smirk with a soft smile.

Stella looked away, thinking. “I assume you’re talking about something other than work.”

Scully only laughed. That was something she understood—her job was her life, too, once upon a time. Now she had other things, more important things.

Stella wasn’t sure she really did anything for the fun of it anymore. “I don’t know if this counts, but I swim.”

Scully eyed her. Stella was wearing a tailored cream blouse, sleek black work pants, and high heels. Scully couldn’t gauge her muscle tone, but she could tell Stella was fit. She raised and eyebrow. “You consider exercise fun?”

Stella only smiled in response. “What about you, doc?”

Scully smiled at the nickname, a familiar one. “I enjoy reading. And wine.”

At that, Stella laughed. “I, too, enjoy wine,” she confessed.

Scully quieted. “Do you…enjoy work?”

“I find satisfaction in my work,” she said. “But I think you know that the work itself is hardly enjoyable.”

Scully nodded at this, and Stella watched her face fall again.

Stella was about to apologize for ruining the mood when a nurse came in to take her for her scan. Scully rose from her seat. “I’ll see you when you get back.”

***

Scully was back at the nurses’ station when Stella’s monitors started sounding in alarm. She had been back from her scan for about an hour, but Scully had been consumed with work. She ran to Stella’s bed, throwing back the curtain to find her in the midst of a full blown panic attack.

“Stella!” Scully said firmly, trying to get her attention. Stella reacted slightly as if she heard her, but her breathing was getting worse and she was frantically looking around as if she were about to flee.

Scully walked up to Stella and grabbed her hands. “Stella, look at me _._ ”

“Dr. Scully, do you want me to—” Kate started to ask.

“No, not yet.” Scully was trying to avoid giving Stella a shot of something to calm her down. Stella had expressly refused to take a sedative, and Scully didn’t want to breach her trust.

Scully tried again. “Stella—hey, _look at me_.” This time, she dug her fingernails into the palms of Stella’s hands, hoping the pain might pull her back from wherever her mind had gone.

Stella locked eyes with her, but her breathing remained frantic.

“Mimic my breathing.” Scully started to exaggerate her breaths in and out, keeping Stella’s hands clenched tightly in hers as if the physical connection was essential.

Stella started to slow her breathing, her eyes locked on Scully’s. When tears started to silently fall from her eyes, she looked away.

“Kate, we’re fine here,” Scully said in an attempt to lessen the audience that Stella had to deal with. Kate left promptly, apparently reading the intention behind her words.

Scully and Stella remained there for a few minutes, holding hands. Finally, Stella pulled back to lean into the pillows. She kept her eyes wandering, not wanting to look at Scully for fear of breaking down again. She was still trying to get her emotions in check.

Scully sat down. “Do you want to tell me where your mind went?”

Stella didn’t respond for a moment. She didn’t want to talk about this, but Scully had been kind in sending the nurse away and refusing the sedative. “I think I fell asleep. When I woke, I couldn’t remember where I was for a minute. And then I realized that I was in the hospital, and all I could think about was…”

She trailed off, not wanting to explain the past, the attack and Belfast. She feared talking about it would pull her back under the waves of panic that she’d just escaped.

Scully grabbed one of Stella’s hands with both of her own, sinking down onto the stool beside the bed. “It’s okay, I get it. You don’t have to talk about it.”

Stella’s brow clenched in confusion. _You get it?_

“I have access to your medical records,” Scully said, reading the question in Stella’s eyes.

Stella winced and closed her eyes. She moved to pull her hand away, but Scully held to it tightly.

“Stella, I’ve been where you are. I have been attacked by a suspect, a man I was hunting. He didn’t put me in the hospital, but he invaded my home and he hurt me. It took me months to get over the fear of being alone in my bedroom and my bathroom.” Scully wanted nothing more than to keep these memories to herself, but quid pro quo was important in the game of trust. “I still can’t take baths without thinking of him.” Scully mumbled softly.

Stella’s eyes opened and she looked at Scully closely. She recognized this for what it was; Scully was trying to connect. And normally she’d call bullshit on whatever convoluted and probably exaggerated story someone was trying to use to express empathy. But she saw her pain reflected in Scully’s eyes—Scully did understand this.

“It’s okay that you’re not okay,” Scully assured her. “You are safe here.”

Stella reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind Scully’s ear. It was an intimate gesture, an attempt to reciprocate the openness Scully had just shown by sharing the painful memory.

“Thank you,” Stella said. She didn’t know what else to say, but she didn’t think much else was necessary. A fundamental understanding had passed between them, a recognition that Stella had rarely—maybe never—experienced with another soul.

Scully only squeezed her hand in response.


	3. Chapter 3

This time, Scully didn’t leave Stella’s bedside. Instead, she brought her work to Stella and sat making notes as she fell back asleep. Occasionally, Scully placed her hand reassuringly on Stella’s arm, trying to keep her subconscious from drifting towards panic.

Whenever Stella did wake, she was disoriented. But Scully immediately pulled her back to reality, squeezing her arm or taking her hand. Each time this happened, neither woman said anything. Stella would sigh and lean back into the pillow. After a few minutes, she’d relax again and drift back to sleep.

The third time it happened, Scully stopped pretending she was able to concentrate on her work. She set the medical charts aside and watched Stella as she fell back asleep. She tried to work out what she was feeling. She felt herself fighting an urge to crawl onto the bed with Stella and hold her—a ludicrous notion. She wanted to take Stella’s pain away, to comfort her, to keep the nightmares at bay.

_This woman is a patient,_ she reminded herself. She shook her head. _This is ridiculous._

Scully tried to look at it objectively. In a short time, she had learned a lot about Stella. Most of the things she knew about her were things they had in common—the job, the trauma, the life experiences. Looking at Stella was like looking in a mirror, and maybe that’s why Scully was feeling so protective. In everything she’d been through, hadn’t she wished there was someone there to stop all of the bad things?

But there was more to it. Scully had been ignoring the thoughts, as she was trained to do in a clinical setting, but she had to admit to herself that she found Stella attractive. It wasn’t just her physicality; the glimpses of Stella’s confidence, humor, and unwillingness to take shit from anyone were equally captivating. The woman was alluring and mysterious, and Scully wanted to know more about her.

_It doesn’t matter,_ Scully thought. Regardless of the ethical considerations, there were a million and one reasons not to ask Stella out. Not to mention Stella almost certainly didn’t feel the same way.

“Dr. Scully?” Kate peeked around the curtain, interrupting her thoughts. “I have her test results.”

***

Scully drew the curtain back, eyeing Stella. She was still sleeping peacefully and Scully didn’t want to wake her, but she knew Stella would feel better resting in her own bed.

She placed a hand on her arm. “Stella.”

Stella jumped, lurching up from sleep and looking around in alarm.

“Hey, hey—you’re okay. We’re still in the hospital,” said Scully. Her hand stayed resting on Stella’s arm, and she squeezed it gently, prompting Stella to look to her. Scully watched the familiarity fill Stella’s eyes as she leaned back against the pillow with an exhale.

Eager to get Stella’s mind somewhere else, Scully turned her attention to the paperwork in her hands. “Good news—you are free to go. I just need you to sign a few things.” She handed Stella a pen and the clipboard, pointing at the papers where Stella’s signature was needed. “The results of the scan confirmed that you do not have a concussion.”

Stella nodded. She had expected as much, although she found that she wasn’t feeling as annoyed at spending the night here as she thought she would be.

“You should keep taking Ibuprofen,” Scully told her, although she was certain Stella wasn’t going to follow any medical advice she doled out. “And ice on that bump a couple of times a day for the next few days, just to be safe.”

“I’ll be fine,” Stella said with tired conviction. She signed one last medical form and handed back the clipboard.

“I know you will,” Scully said with retort.

The women stared at each other, both suddenly at a loss for words. Neither wanted to say goodbye, and neither could find a reason not to.

Scully finally broke the silence, falling back on professional courtesy. “Go home and get some rest, okay?” She tilted her head, finding Stella’s eyes and holding them to convey the seriousness of her next request. “And please don’t go straight into work.”

“Okay, doc,” Stella said with a teasing smile and a roll of her eyes.

Scully’s eyes traced Stella’s form one last time—memorizing it. With a nod and no excuse to stay any longer, she walked away.

***

Scully went outside and sat on a bench, taking a sip from her bottle of water. She breathed deeply to take in the fresh air, happy to have a moment to escape the stale scent of the hospital. She was on a break, the last of her shift, and her mind turned to what awaited her at home. A voice broke through her thoughts.

“Hi.” Stella sat down next to Scully, crossing her legs and settling in like she planned to stay awhile.

“I thought I discharged you,” Scully said with a smirk.

“You did, but I don’t have a car.”

“Oh, the concierge in the front lobby can—“

“There’s one on the way to pick me up,” Stella interrupted.

“Ah, okay.” Scully turned back toward the sunrise, closing her eyes to let the sun warm her face.

Stella watched Scully with a small smile. Her red hair was even more stunning in the morning light, her face set in a look of exhausted relaxation. Stella felt drawn to the doctor, although she couldn’t put a finger on the reason. She hadn’t wanted to leave without ensuring some promise of seeing her again, even if it were just under the guise of professional consultation or friendship, but she’d chickened out earlier.

“Thank you for what you did last night,” Stella started. Before anything else, she owed Scully her gratitude.

Scully opened her eyes and turned to Stella. “It’s my job. Really, it’s—“

“No, it’s somebody’s job. A nurse’s job, maybe. Or the job of that sedative you offered me. But you pulled me back from the brink of something that threatens to swallow me whole some days. Most days. So, thank you.”

Scully nodded, because like every other thing she and Stella had in common, she knew what that was like. She had fought that demon. “You’re welcome.”

They sat quietly for a moment until a black car pulled up to the curb.

“That’s me,” Stella said, standing. She turned to Scully and stuck her hand out. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Doctor Dana Scully.”

“You, too, Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson,” Scully said, taking her hand and matching the odd formality of Stella’s gesture.

They lingered like that for a moment, both unwilling to pull away first. Scully couldn’t reconcile that this would be it, an unceremonious goodbye from this women with whom she’s formed an unusual intimate connection. She felt herself wanting to say more, but she pulled her hand back, reminding herself once again that Stella was a patient.

After a beat, Stella turned and walked away.

She chastised herself for losing her nerve, not thinking quickly enough to pull together a cover story that included the need to grab drinks sometime. She blamed her fatigue and the blooming headache. _Fuck it. I don’t need a fucking cover story._

She turned around. “Do you want to get dinner sometime?”

Scully stared at Stella, a dumbfounded look on her face.

“…with me,” Stella clarified. She pointed to herself, and then let her hand drop because the gesture felt idiotic.

“I—are you saying…like a…” Scully’s voice trailed off.

“A date,” Stella said, the edge of her mouth quirking upward with amusement. Scully’s disbelief was kind of adorable.

“I’m not sure—“

Stella nodded, beginning to hedge. “It’s okay. You’re basically fresh off a night shift and I was a patient of yours. It was inappropriate of me to ambush you.”

“No, it’s not—,” Scully started to lie.

Stella pulled a business card out of her purse. “Take this. My mobile number is on the back. Think about it and let me know.”

Not wanting Scully to say anything and suddenly afraid of rejection, she moved to make a quick exit.

As she opened the car door, she heard, “Stella?”

She turned around to look at Scully.

“A date?”

“A date.”

Scully’s face lit up with a wide smile, one that Stella had not yet witnessed. It wasn’t really an answer, but it gave her hope.

***

When Scully got home, he was sitting at the kitchen table. She leaned against the doorway, watching him eat breakfast while buried in yet another book. He was often unobservant when engrossed in one of his books, so it was no surprise that he didn’t notice her come in.

She walked into the kitchen and poured some water into the kettle to make tea. She let him notice her on his own.

“Hi mom,” William said after a minute, his attention still mostly on the book.

“Hi Will,” Scully responded, walking over to kiss the top of his head. She nudged the book in his hands. “School or fun?”

“Fun. I finished my homework last night with Leah,” he told her. Leah was their college-aged neighbor that stayed with William when Scully worked the night shift.

She nodded, turning back to prepare some breakfast for herself.

William marked his place in the book and put it down. “How was the hospital?”

“It was good. Busy at first but it calmed down after eleven,” Scully said, smiling at the fresh memories of chatting with Stella. “Did you have a good night?”

“Yeah, Leah and I watched _Close Encounters of the Third Kind_.”

Scully, still facing away from William, rolled her eyes. There were uncanny similarities between her son and Fox Mulder. Just when her mind forgot who William’s father was, the universe took it upon itself to remind her.

“Mom, can I go over to Chase’s house this weekend? He’s having a sleepover for his birthday.”

“What night?” Scully asked, walking to sit at the table with a bowl of fruit and her tea. She’d let him go, of course. She was friends with Chase’s mom, another doctor at the hospital.

“Saturday. I think the party starts around three o’clock and then pickup is at nine o’clock the next morning. He invited five of us from school,” William explained. He knew she would ask for all the details before agreeing.

“That sounds fine,” she said. It meant she’d have a Saturday night to herself—a rarity these days. “I’ll call Chase’s mom tonight.”

“Okay! Thanks,” he said excitedly. He got up to bring his dishes to the sink. 

Right on time, there was a car honk outside from the neighbors that drove William to school. He grabbed his school bag and leaned in to give his mom a kiss on the cheek. “That’s my ride. Bye, mom!”

“Bye, baby. Have a good day,” Scully said, pulling him in for a hug. She felt him tap her shoulder three times—his way of saying _I love you_. Without fail, it made her smile and want to cry all at once. She tapped his arm three times in response.

After he left, her thoughts turned back to Stella. She wanted to go out with her, but since she’d moved to London with William, she hadn’t dated much. It wasn’t because of William, exactly, although he certainly factored into it. In reality, she hadn’t dated much in decades.

She shook her head at the empty kitchen. She couldn’t ignore her attraction to Stella, and ethically the doctor-patient relationship had ended. She knew she’d like to get to know her as a friend, even if the dating part didn’t work out.

Without giving herself time to reconsider, she pulled her phone and the business card out of her purse and sent a quick text.

_Dinner on Saturday? — Dana_


	4. Chapter 4

Stella texted her the details for their date and they’d agreed to meet at the restaurant. It was fancy, but with what little she knew of Stella, it wasn’t surprising—her tasteful style probably extended to every area of her life. Scully couldn’t imagine what date-night Stella would look like, and that was making choosing an outfit for the evening a tedious task.

Eventually, Scully settled on a cerulean blue lace dress that had been sitting at the back of her closet for a long time. It was a short-sleeved a-line style with a skirt that fell a few centimeters above her knees and a high jewel neckline. The back had a diamond cutout that showed just enough skin, which would be a comfortable style for the mild weather. She paired it with gold jewelry, including her cross necklace, and high-heeled sandals.

Her hair presented another daunting task. It had been acting unruly all day, and she worried that it would expand in the evening humidity. She opted for an updo, tying her natural waves into a loose low bun and pulling out a few tendrils to frame her face. She left her makeup mostly natural, adding just a little blue eye shadow to match the dress. She stared at herself in the mirror; shoes aside, the outfit was comfortable and classy enough for the venue. She thought she’d undoubtedly be ignored next to Stella, but she was pleased nonetheless.

Checking the time, she realized she had about a half hour before she needed to leave. She decided to make a cup of tea to calm her nerves.

Beyond the normal first date jitters, she was most nervous about the prospect of telling Stella about William. It was not news to her that many people weren’t interested in single moms, a fact that had contributed to her general avoidance of dating. She found it unnecessary to add to an already large pile of insecurities she faced when it came to William. And Stella especially didn’t seem like the type to date someone with kids, so the entire situation was bringing up Scully’s very real fear of rejection.

She didn’t know what Stella’s intentions were. Honestly, she didn’t know what she wanted Stella’s intentions to be. She would go out tonight and see what happens. Maybe Stella thought this would be a short term fling, and in that case Scully felt no obligation to bring her son into this.

But if there were signs tonight that Stella might be serious, even a little, she would tell her about William. She refused to begin a relationship with a lie.

***

Stella was waiting outside, breathing in the evening air. The sun had been down for only a quarter of an hour and the sky was lit with gradient blues. The restaurant sat along a popular promenade that was bustling with the dinner crowd. As people moved around her, she watched them with a sense of detachment and enjoyed the freedom of blending into the crowd.

She spotted Scully walking down the street and her eyes traced the doctor from head to toe. She looked stunning in a form-fitting blue dress that accentuated her curves and red hair. When she noticed she was being watched, Scully’s face lit up with a smile that made Stella’s heart skip.

“Hi,” Scully said when she reached her.

“Dana,” Stella said, by way of greeting. She leaned in and kissed her on each cheek. She let her eyes roam over Scully again, allowing her to observe the gesture this time. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you, so do you,” Scully replied, a blush creeping over her cheeks.

Stella was wearing high-wasted wide-legged black pants with a light blue sleeveless blouse, and her blonde hair was set in her normal curls. Her simple black heels gave her the slight height advantage, which was her preference.

“Shall we?” Stella asked.

When Scully passed in front of her, Stella placed a hand on her lower back and followed her through the door. With a look of recognition, the hostess picked up the menus and said, “Right this way, ladies.” They were brought straight to Stella’s favorite table—one near the open front windows that offered a view of the busy walkway. Since the restaurant didn’t offer outdoor seating, this was as close as they were going to get.

As they settled in with their menus, Scully raised an eyebrow. “Do you come here often?” she asked, picking up a tiny ‘reserved’ sign. “They appear to know you.”

Stella smiled, keeping her eye on the menu. “It’s a favorite, although I almost always dine alone.”

Stella didn’t want her to think that she regularly brought dates here. In actuality, she avoided the practice. Scully didn’t respond, but Stella noticed another raise of the eyebrow.

They spent a few quiet minutes scanning the menu, Stella going through the motions to give Scully some time with the list of choices. Before long, the interruption Stella was expecting appeared at their table.

“Stella!” A man their age dressed in a chef’s jacket walked up and Stella stood to greet him. “How are you, dear? It’s been too long!”

“I’m doing fine, love. Work has been keeping me busy,” she replied.

Stephen grabbed her hands and kissed each cheek before pulling her in for a hug. As she stepped away, his attention turned to the woman at her table.

“Stephen, this is Doctor Dana Scully, my date. Dana, this is Stephen, the head chef and owner,” Stella explained.

Stella noticed Stephen’s eyebrows pinch in surprise; Stella dining with company was rare, but she had never introduced her dining companions as her date. His surprise quickly turned into warmth as Scully stood to greet him.

“Dana, it is a pleasure,” he exclaimed, accepting her hand and bestowing it with a kiss before pulling her in for a hug.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Scully said with a shy smile when Stephen released her.

With the introductions complete, they resumed their seats.

“Alright ladies, I must insist that you allow me to make you something special. It will be a surprise. All you must do is say yes.” He smiled expectantly.

Stella turned to Scully, who was already looking to her for guidance. “You can pick something off the menu if you would like, but Stephen is a genius in the kitchen and _really_ good at making things that even you don’t realize you’ll love,” she explained with a smile.

Scully closed her menu. “Well then, I cannot refuse,” she said, her voice picking up a bit of Stephen’s excitement.

“Excellent!” Stephen took away their menus. “I’ll send over some wine right away. Stella, if I don’t have a chance to come and say goodbye, please don’t stay away so long again,” he insisted. With another smile at Scully, he was gone.

***

Scully eyed Stella over her water glass. “So you really do come here often.”

Stella laughed. “Stephen and I have been friends for decades. He opened this restaurant about fifteen years ago, and I’ve been a regular since the beginning.”

Scully nodded. She of course wasn’t surprised that Stella had friends, but she certainly hadn’t expected that she would share one with her tonight. Stella seemed like someone who kept her relationships separate from one another, especially her friendships and romantic relationships.

“Thank you for sharing this place with me,” Scully said sincerely. She imagined it might be a step for Stella, especially judging by Stephen’s reaction to her presence.

Stella offered her only a smile in response as the waiter arrived at their table with two separate bottles of wine, each apparently catered to whatever was on the menu according to Stephen. After the waiter was gone, Scully raised her glass and clinked Stella’s. Each woman took a sip, savoring the flavor.

“So how did you and Stephen meet?”

“He was the roommate of someone I had sex with at university during my second year,” Stella stated nonchalantly.

Scully was surprised at the abruptness. “Did you and he ever—”

Stella let out a huffed laugh. “No, I’m not his type,” she said with a glint in her eye.

“Ah,” Scully responded. She cocked her head, trying to guess the answer before she asked the question. “What did you study in school?”

“For my undergraduate studies, anthropology,” Stella said. “In graduate school, various theories of psychology, sociology, and criminology. I did take some courses in forensics, but I didn’t obtain a degree.”

Scully stopped with her wine glass halfway to her lips. “How many degrees did you obtain?”

“A few,” Stella said with a laugh, remaining vague. “What about you. Medical school, obviously. Did you intend for that to take you into law enforcement?”

“No, I was going to be a doctor. And then…I don’t know. I think my rebellious stage hit a little bit late. Becoming a doctor was all my family—my father—ever expected of me. So naturally, I went against his wishes.” Scully shrugged.

“And from then on, you were—”

“A disappointment,” Scully finished, her soft declaration spurring a look of pity from Stella. “I think he was proud of me in the end, but for so long it was a point of contention between us. It wasn’t like with my sister and younger brother, who always had a strained relationship with my parents. I was their pride and joy, in a way, until I…wasn’t.”

The conversation lulled, and Scully felt suddenly guilty. “Sorry, that was depressing,” she said, looking down into her wine glass.

Stella frowned, shaking her head. She reached out and touched Scully’s hand to get her attention before she said, “Don’t be. I can handle a little heavy conversation.”

Scully let out a breath and a small smile. “I’m not used to this,” she said, trying to explain herself.

“This being…?”

“Dating,” Scully clarified.

Stella looked at her for a moment, seeming to weigh her response. “Me neither,” she relented.

Scully was surprised at the admission. Stella seemed so confident, poised, and put together tonight. But Scully thought back to her earlier explanation of how she met Stephen, and Stephen’s reaction when Stella introduced Scully as her date. Maybe it wasn’t that Stella kept her romantic relationships away from her long-term friendships; maybe it was that Stella didn’t do relationships.

“Why did you ask me out,” Scully asked suddenly.

Stella’s eyebrows raised. “I—you mean besides the obvious attraction?” she hedged.

Scully remained silent, waiting for a real answer.

A minute passed. “I don’t know,” Stella admitted.

***

While waiting for their to entrees arrive, they shared stories from their university days and their careers, Stella mindfully avoiding any discussion of her family life and Scully sharing only tame stories from her time on the X-files. They each found solace in the other’s anecdotes about surviving in a man’s world, trading tales of the denigrating nicknames and endless unwanted advances.

It felt like no time had passed when a waiter interrupted them with their food. Stephen delivered on his promise, selecting for Scully a parmesan-crusted salmon atop a bed of lemon risotto. Stella received a steak topped with a mushroom glaze that was accompanied by mashed potatoes and broccolini. The conversation mostly slowed as both women delighted in the cuisine.

“This food is…there are no words,” Scully said with a sigh after taking her last bite.

“I told you, he’s a genius,” Stella said with a small laugh.

Scully emptied her wine glass and sat back, looking satisfied. “You were right,” Scully teased. “I can’t imagine what he’ll do for dessert.”

Stella also leaned back, considering. She’d planned a few endings to the evening, her choice of which to take dependent on how the date unfolded. She had hoped it would go this well so that she could do what she wanted most. “Actually, I was thinking we could have dessert back at my place.”

Scully’s lips formed a small amused smile and she tilted her head, looking at her curiously. She seemed to be searching for something. Stella watched as she found what she needed to come to a decision.

“Okay,” Scully said after a beat, her eyes sparkling.

***

As they walked up the steps and into Stella’s home, Scully took it all in. It was the end unit of a London row house, and Scully admired the giant front door and the cozy entryway. The décor was so typically Stella: elegant, yet understated, with infinite small touches that made the house a home but didn’t make it look lived-in. It was clear the framed photos on the wall had meaning, even though they were mostly scenic pictures.

The kitchen was equally pleasing, with large countertops that even Scully—who didn’t really relish the task of cooking—felt envious of. There were pieces of Stella here too: a full wine rack on the counter, fresh flowers on the island, and a message board full of postcards and what looked to be a twenty pound Irish bank note with a quote written on it.

“It’s very you,” Scully declared, still looking around and soaking in the details.

Stella scrunched her nose. She had been watching apprehensively as Scully scrutinized her home. “Is that meant to be good?” she asked.

Scully turned to her with a smile. “Of course it’s good,” she said simply.

Stella walked to the counter, choosing a bottle of red wine off the rack and pouring it into two glasses. She then pulled two dishes of what looked to be chocolate mousse out of the fridge and reached into her freezer to retrieve a bowl of crumbled frozen raspberries to sprinkle on top. After setting one dessert down in front of Scully, along with a spoon, she dropped herself into a chair next to the island.

Scully remained standing, leaning against the counter. “How long have you lived here?” she asked, taking a bite.

“I inherited this home from my father,” Stella told her. She didn’t meet Scully’s eyes as she said it, and Scully detected the hint of pain in her voice. “This wasn’t our home when I was growing up, but the property was passed down through his family. My mother never liked it here, but it’s the only place I’ve ever wanted to live.”

Scully thought back to one of their earliest conversations—this must have been what Stella meant when she hinted at the reason she could never leave London behind.

“I thought about keeping my parents’ home after my mother passed away. But my family moved around so much when I was a child. The house my mother lived in when she died didn’t hold any memories.”

Stella nodded, her only acknowledgment that the memories were in fact the reason she still lived here. They finished their dessert in a comfortable silence, the mood slightly somber.

When Stella got up to bring her dish to the sink, Scully followed her with her eyes.

“You keep staring,” Stella teased, attempting to lighten the mood.

“You’re worth staring at,” Scully said softly, blushing as she heard herself say it. She’d felt this way all night, but it sounded slightly ridiculous when she said it out loud.

Stella turned around, facing Scully and leaning against the opposite counter, and they stood looking at each other. After a few moments, Stella closed the distance between them. She took the wine glass out of Scully’s hand—never breaking eye contact—and set it down as she moved to pin Scully against the counter, leaving just enough room as if to send a message that Scully could opt out of this situation if she didn’t want this.

As Stella leaned in, Scully felt her blood rush in anticipation and she almost shivered. She closed her eyes and felt Stella pause, not hesitantly, but as if taking the time to linger and enjoy the moment. And then Stella gently pressed her lips against hers, wrapped one arm around her waist to pull her in, and brought the other hand up to her cheek. Stella’s fingertips barely grazed her cheekbone, the gesture made as if in reverence, and both women inhaled sharply at the contact.

It was over in three heartbeats.

When Stella pulled away, Scully kept her eyes closed, afraid to disturb the sanctity between them. When she felt a hand rest on her hip and squeeze, she opened her eyes and met Stella’s.

“Hi,” Stella whispered.

“Hi,” she whispered back.


	5. Chapter 5

Stella picked up the wine glass and placed it back in Scully’s hand. “Come with me,” she said, walking around the island to grab her drink off the counter.

Scully followed her into the living room. As Stella turned on the lights, Scully’s eyes wandered along the populated built-in bookshelves that occupied most of one wall, the contents covering an impressive range of genres. In the center of the wall was a fireplace, its mantel holding a number of framed photos, none of which appeared recent. A large, framed mirror hung on the wall above the photos, making the room appear slightly larger than it was.

She sat down on the large L-shaped couch, the cream color contrasting with the dark wood finishes in the room, and watched as Stella selected and placed a record gently in the record player that sat on the bottom-most bookshelf. A few seconds of crackling sounded before music started playing softly out of speakers that Scully couldn’t see.

“You don’t have a television,” Scully observed.

Stella shook her head as she sat down and took a sip of her wine. “I’ve never really had enough free time to use one. Until last year, I was traveling frequently for work.” She left the reason why she hadn’t been traveling recently unspoken, although she could see that Scully put it together in her mind.

Sensing Stella’s desire to avoid the topic of Belfast, Scully got up and walked to the bookshelves. She perused Stella’s collection, occasionally pulling out a book to examine its cover. She slowed when she reached the classics, which included novels by Tolstoy and Bronte. When she came to _Moby Dick_ , she smiled and ran her finger along its worn spine as her mind recalled bittersweet memories of her father.

“Are you critiquing my book collection?” Stella teased, pulling Scully back to the present.

“I would never,” Scully replied with a laugh, turning to face her. “Although they say one’s reading preferences say a lot about them.”

Stella released an amused smile and leaned back into the couch cushions. “Okay, Doctor Scully, what do my books tell you about me?”

Scully lips quirked at the challenge and she turned around, eyeing Stella’s shelves again. Her attention fell on the worn psychology and criminology textbooks. “You are dedicated and intelligent, and you take your career seriously,” she started; it was a trait she could relate to. She moved along to the next shelf, running her hand along the spines. “You have an impressive number of classics, which means you probably enjoy the simpler things in life or wish you could go back to a simpler time…or maybe both.”

She looked to Stella to gauge her reaction, noticing a slight twitch in her lips, but the blonde remained silent and attentive.

Scully continued, coming to the collection of mysteries and thrillers. “You enjoy a challenge; the mystery drives you. Although no surprise there, given your choice of career.” Her eyes fell back to the classics, and she noticed _Doctor Zhivago_ alongside a number of Jane Austin novels. She smiled. “And you’re a hopeless romantic,” she finished.

She turned in time to see Stella’s eyebrows raise at her last comment.

“How did I do?” Scully asked.

“You really had me going there until the ‘hopeless romantic’ part,” Stella said with a laugh.

Scully released a wide smile. “Okay, a hopeless romantic who’s in denial, then.”

Stella only shook her head. Scully thought that she could probably prove Stella wrong when she heard the music change to a slow song. Her heart fluttered slightly as an idea formed in her mind. She released a breath and pushed away her nerves before she had the chance to second-guess herself. She walked toward Stella and offered her hand. “Dance with me?”

Stella’s smile faded slightly and she slowly placed her wine glass on a side table. “I thought we just established I’m not a romantic,” she said with mock admonishment, reluctantly taking hold of Scully’s hand.

Scully rolled her eyes playfully as she pulled Stella off the couch and faced her. She brought her left hand up to tuck a piece of blond hair behind her ear before resting the hand on Stella’s shoulder and looking at her expectantly. Stella let out a small sigh of resignation and wrapped her arm around Scully’s waist, pulling her in closer.

Scully’s heart raced as they began to sway, and she hoped Stella couldn’t feel it. She suddenly felt a little out of her depth, but as Stella let her cheek rest gently against Scully’s, her fear melted away. She closed her eyes and concentrated on her other senses—Stella’s hand in hers, the smell of her perfume, and the sound of her breathing in her ear. Feelings of contentment and anticipation raced through her, and she thought she might be okay lost in this moment forever.

*

Stella relaxed as they danced, and not for the first time thought about how unusual this whole evening had been. She didn’t often get asked to dance by a beautiful woman in her living room, but she probably would have scoffed at such an invitation had it been anyone but Scully. She thought she might do anything Scully asked of her, and she was surprised that she didn’t feel afraid of that fact. What perplexed her was why; what was it about this woman?

The song came to an end. “See, that wasn’t so bad,” Scully whispered in her ear.

Stella pushed Scully back slightly to look at her face. Her eyes were sparkling in the lamplight and her cheeks were slightly flushed. When Scully gifted her a smile, Stella leaned in to capture her lips. Scully’s hand came up and settled on Stella’s cheek and she deepened the kiss, running her tongue along Stella’s bottom lip as if asking permission. Stella let her in without hesitation and felt goosebumps run along her arms and down her back. They lingered there for a few more seconds, Stella fighting a sudden surge of emotion that made her want to either laugh or cry, and she broke away to lead Scully to the couch.

Stella fell into the cushions and Scully straddled her lap. She pushed Stella’s curls away from her face with both hands before tracing her thumbs along her jaw and entangling her hands in Stella’s hair. When Scully leaned in to resume their kiss, Stella wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her impossibly closer, releasing a contented sigh as she tasted chocolate and wine on Scully’s lips; she wanted to melt into her. They spent a few minutes exploring each other’s mouths, Stella tracing her fingers along Scully’s exposed back, before they both were forced to break away for oxygen.

Stella leaned her forehead against Scully’s. “Dana?” she said breathlessly.

“Hm?”

She briefly considered not saying it, but she wanted her to know. “You asked me earlier why I asked you to dinner,” she began reluctantly.

Scully opened her eyes, searching Stella’s face. She nodded, waiting for her to continue.

Stella met her gaze. “You make me feel safe,” she said softly.

“Stella—”

She shook her head, looking down. “I can’t explain it any better than that. The way you were there for me the night we met…I had forgotten what that felt like. And I know you said you were only doing your job…”

Her voice trailed off when she felt Scully tense beneath her hands. Her eyes rose and she found Scully’s face a mask of anxiety. Her stomach clenched as she thought about what she could have said wrong. Scully leaned back and it took all of Stella’s willpower not to reach out when she unfolded herself from Stella’s lap. She stepped away and sat down on the other end of the couch, picking up her wine glass and taking a large drink as she avoided Stella’s eyes.

Stella watched her as she appeared to gather the courage to say something. When Scully looked up, she took a deep breath and said, “Stella, I have a son.”

Stella tried to suppress her reaction, but she knew Scully saw the surprise on her face. She had been waiting for something to go wrong all evening—it was her default expectation. _She has a son._ It wasn’t exactly wrong—there was nothing innately bad about Scully being a mother. Stella held so much respect for women who chose to have children, but that would never be her. She had made the conscious decision not to become a mother a long time ago.

She waited for the fear to flood in. She hadn’t yet processed what was happening between them, the inevitability that this would be more than a one-night stand, more than just sex. Stella didn’t do relationships, but this woman had already broken all of Stella’s rules. A few minutes ago, she was thinking that she would do anything for her. Except, _she has a son._

She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say. “Why are you telling me this now?” she asked.

Scully looked down at her clenched hands, shaking her head. “Maybe I’m being presumptuous, but this whole evening has felt _different_ , in a really good way. I wasn’t sure if it was just me until—what you just shared felt real and vulnerable. And I just thought that you deserved to have all the information before this goes any further.”

Stella thought about what Scully left unspoken. _It’s your decision. Before this gets serious. Before we can’t walk away so easily._ Stella sighed. What about what Scully deserved to know? Would she choose Stella if she really knew her?

Scully looked up. “Stella, the way I treated you at the hospital…I wasn’t just doing my job. You weren’t just a patient. I can’t explain it either, what this thing is between us, but I won’t hold it against you if you don’t want this. We can be friends, or we can go back to being strangers,” she forced herself to say. Her voice took on a strangled tone when she reached the last sentence.

Stella winced and looked away. The idea of going back to being strangers was a painful thought. “What do you want, Dana?” she asked quietly.

“That’s not my decision,” she replied, shaking her head.

“But if it was?”

Scully hesitated briefly before getting up and walking to stand in front of her. “I—I want you.”

Stella nodded, still not meeting Scully’s eyes as she absorbed the answer. Stella should feel nervous—about the fact that Scully was a mother, about what that might mean—but all she could think was: _I want you, too._

Stella reached out her hand and pulled Scully back down onto her lap. Taking a settling breath, she asked, “Are you sure?”

“If you’ll have me,” she whispered, letting out a sad smile and tracing her thumb along Stella’s lips.

Stella’s face softened and she settled her hands on Scully’s waist, stroking her hip bone with her thumb. She remained in her thoughts for another moment before raising her eyes to meet Scully’s. “I can’t make any promises, Dana.”

Scully saw uneasiness in Stella’s face. She knew the idea of a relationship, let alone a relationship with someone with kids, was a big step for her. Before she’d opened her mouth to tell Stella about William, she had braced herself for rejection.

She leaned down and rested her forehead against Stella’s. “I’m not asking you to,” she said softly.

“Okay,” Stella said, and all of the tension flooded out of her.

***

Stella didn’t turn on the lights when she led Scully into her bedroom, content with the streetlight filtering in through the windows. She pulled Scully in for a heated kiss, their hands roaming over their clothing. When their movements took on an air of desperation, she broke away and met Scully’s eyes, searching for hesitation but finding only desire. When Scully reached up to take off her dress, Stella grabbed her hands lightly, silently asking for permission to be the one to do it.

Scully smiled at the request and dropped them, giving Stella full control. Stella turned Scully around, running her hands down her arms lightly and placing a soft kiss at the notch between her neck and shoulder. She traced her fingers lightly up Scully’s spine and felt her shiver beneath her touch, sending a rush of warmth through Stella. She unclasped the dress and pushed it off Scully’s shoulders, and it fell to the ground, leaving Scully in only her underwear. Stella spun her back around slowly, letting her gaze wander across her curves and milky skin.

When Scully’s hand moved to unbutton Stella’s pants, she reflexively grabbed her wrists to stop her. Scully searched her face, recognizing the anxiety. Stella fought with the thoughts in her head, reminding herself that this woman was different than all the others. When Stella released her wrists, Scully brought one hand up to trace Stella’s brow lightly as if trying to force her facial muscles to release the tension. She met Stella’s eyes. “Let me?” she asked softly.

Stella nodded, releasing a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. Scully moved in again, releasing the button on her pants and pushing them down quickly off her legs. If she saw the scars, she didn’t lend them any attention. She slipped her hands beneath Stella’s shirt, her fingers stroking her stomach lightly before lifting it over her head.

*

Wasting no time, Stella pushed Scully onto the bed. Crawling on top of her, she recaptured her lips and let her fingers wander. Scully hummed with approval as Stella traced the underside of her breast and she felt a rush of arousal. Stella trailed hot kisses along her jaw and down her neck, her fingers moving further down Scully’s body. Scully felt a sudden wave of apprehension, realizing it had been a while since she’d done this, and even longer since she’d done this with a woman.

As if sensing her thoughts, Stella sat up slightly and looked at her with questioning eyes. Scully shook her head and looked away, blushing. It was her turn to be nervous.

“Dana…hey,” Stella said, nudging Scully’s chin up to force her to meet her gaze. Her eyes held the same question Scully had voiced a moment ago. _Let me?_

Scully answered by pulling Stella back down into a kiss.

Stella’s touch reached Scully’s hip, and she ran a finger lightly along the waistline of her underwear. Scully rose off the bed in response, allowing her to pull them off. Scully reached behind Stella and unclasped her bra, and Stella leaned back to slide it down her arms.

As Stella settled flush against her, Scully released a sigh; she had missed this. She forgot how much she _needed_ this. She felt Stella brush away a tendril of her hair and she looked up. Stella held her eyes as her fingers found her center, and Scully gasped softly at the contact. Stella waited only a beat before slipping in a finger.

*

Scully’s eyes slammed shut and she let out a light moan. Stella smiled, the sound of Scully’s pleasure sending a rush of heat through her. She set about the task of eliciting more noises from the woman below her, deciding it was her new favorite thing.

Stella resumed her trail of kissed down Scully’s body as her fingers worked her core. When she reached her breast, she circled the nipple with her tongue while adding another finger. She heard Scully’s breathing increase dramatically. She circled her tongue again before taking the nipple between her teeth and biting while curling her fingers at Scully’s center.

“Fuck,” Scully moaned.

Stella continued to work her with her fingers and tongue. She made the occasional circle with her thumb, being sure not to push her over the edge too quickly, and used her other hand to trace along the underside of the opposite breast. She felt Scully’s breathing became more erratic, and she could tell she was close. With a soft kiss, she abandoned her breast and returned her mouth to Scully’s.

She took a beat, wanting to be sure she got the timing right, and then said, “Dana.”

When Scully met her eyes, Stella added a third finger and felt her arch up. With another circle of her thumb, she watched in admiration as Scully came undone beneath her.


	6. Chapter 6

Scully moved around Stella’s bedroom in the early morning darkness, gathering her clothes off the floor and putting them on. She tried to be quiet so as not to disturb the blonde still asleep in the bed, even if she really wanted to wake her for just one more kiss and another look at her blue eyes. She was about to slip out of the bedroom when she heard a soft voice say, “Dana?”

She jumped slightly and turned around. “Hey, I didn’t mean to wake you,” she said.

Stella sat up and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Where are you going?”

“I have to go home and change before I pick up William,” she said, looking away nervously and thinking back to their conversation. Stella knew about him and had slept with her anyway, but trusting that Stella was really okay with it would take some getting used to.

Stella’s eyes remained confused for a moment longer before she made the connection. Scully hadn’t mentioned her son’s name last night. “Right,” she said, rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

Scully walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. “I promise I wasn’t sneaking out,” she said with a small smile, resting her hand on one of Stella’s legs that sat beneath the duvet. “You just looked so peaceful, and I didn’t want to wake you just to say goodbye.”

“It’s okay,” Stella said, shaking her head.

Scully hesitated only briefly before she leaned in, placing a lingering kiss on Stella’s lips. When she broke away, Stella pulled her back in for a second kiss, one that served more as a passionate reminder of their activities the night before.

“Mmmmm,” Scully groaned as she broke away, knowing what the kiss could lead to. “Sadly, I really do have to go.”

“I know,” Stella said with a small laugh. “But for future reference, I’d prefer you wake me up for that kind of goodbye.” She reached out to tuck a strand of red hair behind Scully’s ear.

Scully grabbed Stella’s hand before she pulled it away and dropped a small kiss on her palm. “I can do that,” she replied, standing up to leave again.

She was barely to the door when Stella asked, “How old is he?”

Scully turned around slowly, her hand coming to rest on the doorframe. “He’s eleven.” She watched as Stella took in the information, wondering what assumptions she’d already made.

Stella only nodded in response, her face sporting a neutral smile. When she didn’t ask another question, Scully left.

***

Stella couldn’t fall back asleep, so she got up and made coffee. Her mind was full of things she needed to get done at work, the fact that she probably should go grocery shopping, and Dana Scully. Mostly she was thinking of Scully and pretending to think about the other things. She decided to take advantage of the early hour and head to the pool; if she was going to sort through her thoughts, she could do it there.

The pool was delightfully empty. As she set a steady pace back and forth in the water, she allowed her mind to turn fully to the night before. In the light of day, the fear she had expected after Scully’s revelation about her son finally appeared. It was accompanied by the familiar self-doubt—an emotion she usually attempted to control by proving to herself that she could find pleasure when and how she wanted it. That tactic that wouldn’t exactly work if she was going to be with Scully.

_Not if._

She wanted to be with Scully. But Scully had a son. And Stella, who had never entertained the idea of being a mom, was a mess. Scully had glimpsed it that night in the hospital room, the remnants of PTSD and the fact that Stella was incapable of taking care of herself. She knew she wouldn’t be a good influence on a child—she was impatient, selfish, obsessed with her career, and without a family of her own. Her greatest fear now was that Scully would figure out just how broken she really was and change her mind.

She thought back to Scully’s words last night when Stella told her she couldn’t make any promises. _I’m not asking you to._ But she wondered if Scully had really understood what she meant. She couldn’t be in William’s life. She couldn’t be a mother to him. She couldn’t promise how long this would last. She couldn’t promise this wouldn’t end badly.

Stella didn’t know how this could possibly end without pain.

Despite her doubts, she had to let this unfold. Stella was sure of one thing: whatever was happening between her and Scully was significant, and Scully had sensed it too. In less than a week, she’d come to trust Scully more than most people who’d been in her life for years. She still couldn’t explain it; she wasn’t even sure she needed to. All she knew was she’d regret it if she walked away.

***

When Scully pulled the car into the driveway, William was out front with his friends. They appeared to be playing some version of tag, for which Scully was grateful. If William could run off the excess energy he’d built up from the large amounts of sugar he’d consumed at the party, it would make the day a little easier. Sundays were generally reserved for homework and chores, and William had told her yesterday that he had a science project he needed to finish.

Scully walked up to the house as Amy opened the front door. “Dana, hey!”

“Hello! Looks like they had quite the night,” Scully said with a laugh. “Do you have time for a cup of coffee?” She was the first parent there for pickup, which she was sure would annoy William. A cup of coffee with Amy would prolong their departure, and Scully hadn’t had time for her usual morning dose of caffeine when she made the quick stop at home.

“Of course, come on in!”

Amy was a doctor at the hospital Scully worked at; they both worked in the emergency department. When Scully moved to London, Amy was one of the first people she’d bonded with. Their sons being the same age and at the same school made it easy. While Scully didn’t maintain many close friendships, Amy was one of the closer friends that she did have, if only because they saw each other frequently. The only reason they weren’t closer was because Amy was married.

“How was the party?” Scully asked, accepting the mug of coffee Amy handed her.

Amy shrugged. “Typical madhouse,” she said. “What about you? Did you enjoy a night alone?”

“It wasn’t bad,” Scully stated in as nonchalant a tone as she could muster. She cursed herself internally as she felt a blush creep across her cheeks, and when she looked at Amy, she knew instantly she’d been caught.

A smile spread slowly across Amy’s face. “Oh yeah? And what exactly did you do all by yourself?” she teased.

Scully rolled her eyes but couldn’t suppress a smile. She looked around quickly to make sure none of the boys were nearby, although she would have undoubtedly heard them had they come running back into the house. “I went on a date.”

“Oh my god,” Amy said, her voice raising half an octave. “The illusive Doctor Dana Scully actually said _yes_ to a date?”

Scully blushed again but said nothing. She had a reputation at the hospital. She’d been asked out a lot early on by the men—mostly doctors—at work, but she always politely declined. Word spread quickly among the staff and the invitations eventually stopped, but the gossip about Scully didn't. Fragile male egos didn't take rejection well, and there were a lot of nasty theories circulating about why Scully never accepted what she'd been offered. She mostly ignored it; she was focused on William and her job, and she didn't have the energy to care.

Amy, not one to let her off easily, demanded, “Oh, come on, at least give me some details!”

Scully laughed. “Um, it was good. I had fun. And I didn’t spend the night in my own bed.”

Amy’s mouth dropped open, but she was prevented from asking anything further when the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of another parent coming to pick up their kid.

Scully leaned against the kitchen counter silently and sipped her coffee as Amy helped one of the boys get their stuff and leave. She could probably get away now to avoid any more questions, but she had one more thing she needed to say before she left.

Amy returned a moment later, eager to pick up the conversation. “Okay. Who is this person? And how was it? And are you going to go out again!?”

Scully shrugged. She knew the answer to those questions, but she didn’t really want to share this yet. All she said was, “I don’t know.”

Amy studied her for a moment, seeming to sense Scully wasn’t willing to reveal anything more.

“I’d better get going. William has homework he needs to do today,” she said lamely. She placed her coffee cup in the kitchen sink, taking a breath before she turned to face Amy again. “Hey, don’t mention anything to Chase or William about this, okay? It’s just…new. And I have to figure out how I’m going to have a conversation with Will if it becomes something.”

Amy was nodding her head before Scully finished talking. “Of course.”

Scully smiled at her and went to tell William to get ready to leave. As she passed Amy, she felt her lightly place a hand on her arm. “I’m really happy for you, Dana. I know it’s only been one date, but you deserve to have someone in your life.”

***

Scully slowly made her way through the long list of housework, her mind somewhere else entirely. It was just now hitting her, the enormity of Stella’s decision to accept her last night in spite of her revelation about William. She had not given herself a chance to think about what might happen beyond that, because she had assumed that Stella wouldn’t be interested. Now, she was starting to feel anxious about what this could mean and how she would tell William.

She could count on both hands the number of dates she’d been on since William was born, most of them back in the States that into one-night stands after the person found out she had a kid. It took her years and a move across the world to get over her relationship with Mulder, and when she landed in London, she set some very strict boundaries for herself that made it all but impossible to find something real. It couldn’t be anybody she worked with, for obvious reasons. The fact that a lot of people weren’t interest in single moms cut out an unsurprisingly large swath of prospective suitors. And her schedule, with the hospital and William, was impossible on a good day.

Above all of that, Scully harbored the very potent belief that she had had one great love in her life already, so the chances of finding another were essentially zero. She and Mulder had been through so much and understood each other so deeply. After having someone that loved her the way she’d been loved by Mulder, what was the point of being with someone else? She didn't regret that she wasn't with him now; that ship had sailed. It was more that she'd accepted being alone.

But then came Stella. A woman that when Scully looked at her, it was like looking in a mirror. They’d spent all of two nights together, and she had formed more of a connection with Stella than she had with anyone else in years. She was hesitant to make any assumptions about where this was going, but she had to acknowledge that this was different and important. Stella seemed to feel—

“Mom?”

Scully jumped, so deep in thought that she hadn’t heard him come in. “Fu—yeah Will?”

“Um, are we going to eat dinner?” He was looking at her strangely.

“Yeah, of course we are. Why are you looking at me like that?”

William’s eyebrow rose, a distinctly Scully trait. “Because it’s almost seven o’clock. And because you’ve been sitting there with the basket of clean clothes for at least a half hour and none of them are folded."

Scully looked down at the shirt in her hands. “Right…okay, dinner.”

*

They were eating quietly at the table; William had exhausted the topic of Chase’s birthday party and his science project, and Scully was still lost in her thoughts.

She didn't know how to talk to William about dating. She remembered a conversation a couple of years, when he had asked her why she wasn’t married. She quickly shut it down, not ready to talk about it in depth. She assured him that she was happy alone, and while it wasn’t exactly the full story, he had accepted it and hadn’t brought it up again. She had no idea how he’d react today.

“Mom?”

“Hm?” Scully responded, absentmindedly pushing her food around her plate.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice laced with concern.

Scully looked up. “Yeah baby, of course. Why?”

“You just seem…somewhere else.”

She smiled. He was good at reading her—attuned after years of it just being the two of them. She hesitated for a moment, but she had long ago set the expectation between them that she would tell him the truth as long as it was appropriate. She could spend all night and probably most of the next week in her head, keeping this from him, or she could just put it all on the table.

“Will, what do you think about me dating?” she asked, putting down her fork and giving him her full attention.

“Dating…” he repeated slowly, as if he wanted to make sure he heard her correctly.

She nodded.

“I think you should do it?” He asked it as a question, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“How do you feel about it,” she prompted. She didn’t want him to think she was asking permission.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I kind of already assumed you went on dates,” he said nonchalantly.

“Really?” she asked, surprised.

He only shrugged again. She didn’t know how else to approach it, unsure what kind of answer she was really looking for. It would be odd if he were excited.

She looked down at her plate and started pushing her food around again, taking the occasional bite, when he said, “Just make sure it’s someone cool. Because my friend Jesse’s mom married some guy who’s really weird.”

Scully laughed, both at casual nature of the request and the sentiment, and felt a flood of relief. She would wait to tackle marriage and the fact that she was dating a woman. For now, it was enough that he wasn’t against the idea in general.

“Okay, I promise, someone cool,” she said.

***

Stella was sitting at her desk at the Met on a Sunday night in a futile attempt to get something done. After her morning swim, she’d done chores around the house. When she exhausted those, she figured she might be able to knock out some of the paperwork for the three cases she was overseeing. But her mind continued to drift to Scully, and it was becoming increasingly irritating.

There were no decisions to be made, but she and Scully had left things ambiguous. Stella knew they’d see each other again, but part of having a kid meant Scully had responsibilities she couldn’t abandon on a whim for Stella. Date nights would probably be once a week, sleepovers even less frequent. At least, Stella assumed that’s how it would be.

She was trying not to be frustrated about the fact that she couldn’t see Scully right now. And she was also trying to come to terms with the fact that it had only been 12 hours and she already wanted to see her again.

Her phone rang and she jumped. “Gibson,” she answered, her voice laced with irritation.

“Stella?”

“Dana, hi.” She let out a breath. Scully's voice instantly soothed her anxiety.

“Am I interrupting something,” Scully asked apologetically.

“Not at all. I’m just at work.”

“Oh, I can call you back. I don’t want to—”

“No, please, I’m getting nothing done,” she assured her. “I can’t seem to concentrate.”

Scully huffed a laugh. “Tell me about it.”

Stella smiled at the empty office, pleased to know she wasn’t the only one who spent a Sunday wrapped up in her thoughts. “How was your day?” she asked.

Scully let out an exhausted sigh. “Stella, I’m all for small talk. And I will happily tell you how my day was. But can we cover something else first?”

Stella’s smile turned into an amused smirk. “Okay, what?”

“When can I see you again?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this far. Your kudos, comments, and love have meant a lot! There's plenty more to come, and I hope you continue to enjoy. <3 :)


	7. Chapter 7

As Scully walked back to the nurse’s station, she pulled out her phone to check for a message from Stella. They’d decided that lunch was the only way they would be able to see each other again anytime soon, since with work and William, Scully’s evenings were full during the week. She sighed when she found herself looking at an empty home screen and dropped the phone back into her pocket.

“You keep checking your mobile like you’re waiting for something,” Amy said, coming to stand next to her and handing a patient chart to one of the nurses.

Scully leaned against the counter. “I’m supposed to have lunch with someone, but I think they’re caught up with work.”

“Ah, the mystery date, I presume?” Amy nudged Scully’s side playfully, although Scully could tell she was genuinely curious.

“Yes, the _mystery date_ ,” Scully confirmed with a roll of her eyes.

“What kind of work do they do?”

“They’re a detective,” she said distractedly, slowly resigning herself to the fact that Stella wasn't coming.

She sorted through her thoughts to find something else to occupy her mind, because she'd already been thinking about Stella all morning. Weekday shifts in the emergency room were mostly boring, so she couldn’t count on work to keep her busy. There was a book in her bag, although she hadn't started it yet so it probably wouldn't hold her attention. 

She was considering doing some research for her journal article when she heard Amy say, “Dear god, _please_ tell me that is your detective.”

Scully turned to see a nurse escorting Stella through the double doors that led to the waiting room. Her badge was on full display on her hip, which must be how Amy made the connection. She was wearing what seemed to be her normal work outfit—a pencil skirt with a blouse and heels. Today, it was paired with a black wool coat to account for the cooling weather. She looked stunning.

Scully was suddenly nervous, realizing that she’d never told Amy that she dated women. But she soon learned Amy didn’t care in the slightest when she heard her murmur, “She’s hot.”

“Yeah, that’s her,” Scully said softly, eliciting a delighted look from her friend.

“Damn, Doctor Scully,” Amy said with an impressed smile, and she walked away to give Scully some space.

At that moment, Stella noticed her. Her face settled into an apologetic look as she approached. “Hey,” she said reluctantly. “I’m sorry for just showing up like this. My phone is out of battery and—”

“It’s okay, really. Don’t apologize,” Scully said, shaking her head. She was just happy to see her. It had been two days, but it somehow felt like it had been longer.

Stella held up a bag. “I brought food,” she said with a smile.

“Good, I’m starving,” Scully said, her mouth watering at the smell of Thai takeout. “Come on. We can eat in my office.”

She grabbed Stella’s hand and pulled her down the hallway, releasing it when Stella caught up to her pace. She wanted to hold Stella's hand, but this was only their sort-of-second date, and somehow the gesture felt more intimate than sex.

When they stepped into the office, Stella closed the door behind them, dropped the bag of food on a chair, and grabbed Scully. She pushed her gently up against the wall and with her hands resting on Scully’s hips said, “This is your place of work, so say the word and I’ll back off, but—”

She didn’t get a chance to finish as Scully leaned in and captured her lips. The kiss was deep and heated, definitely not appropriate for the workplace, although neither woman really cared. Stella pressed her body flush against Scully's, and Scully wrapped her arms around Stella’s neck. When they were both in need of oxygen, Stella pulled back, a surprised but satisfied smile on her face. She reached up and wiped her lipstick off of Scully's face with her thumb and then let it linger to trace her lips.

After a moment of quiet, she asked, “Food?”

Scully laughed. “Yes please.”

Stella pulled out half a dozen takeout cartons. She’d brought so many options that they probably had enough for three meals. “I didn’t know what you liked, so I just got some of everything.”

"It looks delicious." Scully chose one of the vegetarian dishes and they settled in the chairs in front of her desk. “How’s work?” she asked.

“Busy, although none of my cases seem to be making any progress,” Stella replied.

“Do you normally work more than one case at a time?”

Stella shook her head. “I mostly supervise cases, which means I help other detectives talk through things when they get stuck. When I do work cases, they tend to be high-profile or have some component to them that will garner extra attention, like when the victims are children or it’s a serial case.”

Scully nodded. “Are you supervising anything particularly interesting now?”

Stella laid out one of the cases, and they spent the next twenty-five minutes debating the facts and evidentiary gaps as they ate. Scully felt herself easily slipping back into the familiar problem-solving exercise, something she was surprised to find she had missed. Stella enjoyed getting a sense of Scully’s investigative mind, which remained sharp despite her years away from law enforcement. Stella was delighted when some of the things they talked about turned out to be actually helpful.

When they’d exhausted the details of the case, Stella looked at her watch. “Sadly, I have to go,” she said. "This was fun, though."

Scully smiled as Stella packed up the food. She stood up and leaned against the edge of her desk. “I’m sorry my schedule’s so crazy that we had to do lunch,” she said. She was careful not to apologize for William taking up her time, but she was genuinely disappointed that seeing each other was difficult.

Stella shook her head. “You have responsibilities; don’t apologize for that. Plus, my job isn’t exactly the most flexible. I am the one leaving right now.” She moved to stand between Scully’s legs, bringing a hand up to brush the hair out of her eyes before placing a soft kiss on her lips. “But it does beg the question, when will we meet again?”

Scully sorted through her schedule in her head. “Maybe Friday night? Although I can't sleep over.”

“That’s fine. Let’s meet at my place and we can walk to a sushi restaurant nearby," Stella offered. "If you’re okay with that?"

Scully leaned in for another kiss. “Already looking forward to it,” she said against Stella’s lips.

***

“Will, have you seen my…oh never mind, I found them.” Scully picked up her keys and walked into the living room. “Okay, Leah just texted and she’s on her way over. I’ll be home after you go to sleep. And tomorrow you have soccer tryouts, so no staying up late tonight,” she said, leaning down to kiss him on the top of his head.

“It’s football, mom,” he reminded her, his focus entirely on some video game he was playing.

“Right,” she mumbled. “I will never get used to that.”

William laughed at Scully’s response, one that always amused him even though he’d heard it many times before. She checked her purse—keys, wallet, phone, lip balm.

“Alright, I’m leaving,” she said.

She only made it three steps. “Mom?”

She turned around, suppressing a sigh. “Yes?”

“Are you going on a date?”

She winced, but his voice held only curiosity. “Yeah, I am,” she said hesitantly.

He nodded, and his eyes finally drifted to meet hers. “Someone cool?”

She released a breath and walked back to place another kiss on his head and ruffle his hair. “Someone cool, I promise,” she said with a smile.

***

When she opened the door, Scully was standing there looking gorgeous in a long-sleeve dark purple wrap dress and gold heels. Stella took a moment to just admire her and didn’t miss the blush that slowly crept across Scully’s chest and cheeks. “You look good in dresses,” Stella declared, the corner of her mouth tilting upward in appreciation.

The comment elicited an eye roll and a smile. “You look good in everything,” Scully said as she stepped forward for a slow kiss, the kind that made it seem like she was taking a bite of her favorite food and savoring the flavor. “You also look good in nothing,” she added as an afterthought as she pulled away, prompting Stella to release a low chuckle.

Stella grabbed her purse and closed the front door. When they reached the bottom of the steps, she felt Scully slip an arm through hers. It was an odd feeling, but not a bad one.

They walked slowly to a sushi restaurant a few blocks from Stella’s house, catching up on the mundane details of their work lives. Stella didn’t ask about William, not because she didn’t want to, but because she wasn’t sure how to broach the subject.

When they sat down at their table, it took some time to coordinate their order. The server encouraged them to share rather than ordering separately, so they picked out a variety of plates that came highly recommended and got bottle of chardonnay for the table.

After handing over their menus, they sat in a comfortable silence for a minute, taking in their surroundings. William was on Stella's mind again, and she scoffed internally at her unfounded anxiety around the issue. She just needed to get over herself and ask the question.

“How’s William?” She tried to infuse her voice with as much nonchalance as possible while avoiding Scully’s eyes.

When Scully didn’t answer, Stella forced herself to meet her gaze. She found Scully looking at her with warmth and a little bit of surprise. “What?” Stella asked.

Scully shook her head. “Nothing. I was wondering when you were going to ask. But we don’t have to talk about him if you aren’t comfortable with it,” Scully said softly. Clearly, she could read the anxiety that Stella was trying to suppress.

The server arrived with their wine and Stella took the moment to compose herself. After it was poured, she took a sip and a breath. “Tell me about him.”

The request earned her a sweet smile. Scully set her glass down gently and traced her finger along its rim. “He’s smart, which I guess makes me feel both proud and terrified. His favorite subject in school is science. And he’s incredibly intuitive, probably too much so. He can read me like a book; it’s disconcerting.”

Stella’s mouth formed into an amused smile, thinking of how exposed Scully had made her feel pretty much every moment since they'd met. “So, he’s you?”

Scully laughed. “In those ways, I suppose he might be. But he’s also a lot more outgoing and warm than me. Where I let my intellect isolate me, he doesn’t. He loves sports, and he has a lot of friends. Those things aren’t me.” She said the last sentence softly and her eyes became slightly distant.

Stella figured she might be thinking of whoever William’s father was, but she chose not to ask. Instead, she took another sip of her wine and waited for Scully to come back to reality.

“He knows I’m on a date,” she said suddenly, snapping out of her reverie.

Stella’s eyebrows rose, her stomach fluttering nervously. “Really?”

“He made me promise to date someone cool. He said his friend’s mom married someone really weird, and he doesn’t want that to happen.”

As soon as the words left her lips, Scully’s face dropped. Simultaneously, Stella’s anxiety flared, the meaning of Scully’s words not lost on her. _Marriage._

Her normal flirtatious response would have been something like _“So, am I considered cool?”_ but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. With anyone else, it would have been a joke. With Scully, it was a very real possibility, even if Stella wouldn't admit it to herself. When she felt Scully take her hand and squeeze it, she looked up and met her tentative gaze.

“That’s not what I meant, and that’s not where my mind is,” Scully stated clearly before releasing her hand and leaning away.

She could only nod in reply. She knew Scully was telling the truth, but the comment had already had its effect. She felt her armor come up as if it was something physical, and she hoped it wasn’t obvious. But when she saw the look of regret on Scully’s face, Stella knew she must look guarded.

Scully took a gulp of wine, released a breath, and met her eyes. “Stella, I get that this is hard for you. And I know I asked for no promises, but I do need one thing from you. If it becomes too hard, I need you to say so. Before you pull away and shut me out, I need you to tell me. I promise to back off, I won’t question it. I just need a little warning. I—I can’t be left wondering.”

Stella's anxiety was replaced with a wave of sadness. She couldn’t imagine what had happened in Scully's past to cause her to make such a request. But she also knew that what Scully was describing could very easily become a reality.

She cleared her throat and nodded slowly. “I promise,” she said. Despite her best efforts, she heard her voice catch on the words.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> t/w: references to self harm, death of a parent, and grief

_October_

Scully was standing in front of the fireplace, admiring the framed images on the mantel that represented a part of Stella’s past she always seemed to avoid in conversation. Her eyes settled on a small blond-haired girl in the arms of a man whose face radiated love and pride. The girl’s smile was a carbon copy of his; he was so clearly her father. It was a snapshot of the kind of happiness that Scully had never seen in Stella.

After their sushi dinner, there had been more lunch dates and a couple of dinners. September turned into October, the weather turned permanently, and Scully’s days became even more consumed with football games and school functions. Stella never harbored any resentment for Scully’s schedule; her work kept her busy enough.

For the most part, they’d avoided acknowledging the promise Stella made and its implications. On her ride home that night, Scully had processed their conversation and the look in Stella’s eyes when she agreed to Scully’s request. It all suggested that this thing between them, which both women were still wary to define, was more likely to end painfully than easily. Such was the price for investing yourself in something so deeply, for placing your emotional well-being in the hands of another person.

It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling to Scully, this kind of trust, but it had been a long time since she’d given herself over to it so fully. And yet, she was still holding back; she didn’t push Stella for more, and she didn’t give anything she thought might be ill-received. They didn’t talk much about William, and Scully didn’t ask about Stella’s family. They didn’t talk about their fears about the future. They didn’t turn to each other for comfort.

They gave only just enough.

 _But it’s not enough._ Scully had had the thought many times over the past few weeks. This kind of love, if she was willing to call it that, was shallow and unsustainable. It was devoid of strength. It was the type of fragile that would be knocked over by a slight breeze, and enough had happened in Scully’s past for her to know that life was full of destructive wind.

She knew they both wanted more, and she knew they were both afraid to ask for it. Asking for what one wanted was something that required opening oneself up to rejection. It required mutual respect because it brought about the possibility of mutually assured destruction.

The question became: who would blink first? Scully could wait; it didn’t have to be now. But the yearning had been building inside her. She wanted more of Stella.

*

Stella came up behind Scully and wrapped her arms around her waist. She placed a kiss on her shoulder and then rested her chin there, her eyes sweeping the photos that Scully had been staring at for a few minutes.

They’d returned to Stella’s house after another dinner out. It had become a pattern, coming here for wine and dessert, the latter often encompassing more than just food. Scully hadn’t stayed over since that first night, but she often didn’t leave until the early hours of the morning.

She felt Scully’s hand come to rest on her forearm. “Your father?” she asked in a whisper.

Stella tensed and let out a quiet sigh. She knew the question was coming, but she was never prepared for the way any and every mention of him hurt. Her grief for her father was somehow still there all these years later, and it had been especially raw since the wound was reopened in Belfast last year. A few times since, she’d considered putting the pictures on the mantel away.

“He died when I was fourteen,” she said quietly. She heard Scully’s breath catch and felt her squeeze her forearm lightly, and she fought the impulse to pull away. Scully didn’t apologize, for which Stella was grateful. So often people apologized to her, as if that was what she needed to feel better. In reality, it always ended with her offering them comfort.

But Scully wasn’t saying anything, and somehow that was better than any other response.

Stella offered another piece of herself. “He was my best friend.”

Scully set her wine glass lightly on the mantel and turned slowly in Stella's arms. She felt Scully's eyes search hers, and she knew she found pain there.

“You miss him.” It wasn’t a question.

Stella looked away. “Every day.”

Scully wrapped her arms around Stella’s neck and pulled her in for a tight hug. It took a moment before Stella relaxed into it, still finding this kind of intimate touch unusual.

They stayed that way for a few minutes before Stella pulled back slightly and whispered, “Let’s sit.”

Stella sat first, and Scully draped her legs over Stella’s lap and leaned her back against the arm of the couch. She didn’t ask any questions, hesitant to force Stella into her grief if she was unwilling to go there. But Stella knew it would be better to get it all out at once.

“He died of cancer,” Stella said, taking a deep breath and focusing her eyes on Scully’s legs in her lap. “It was quick. And all of the adults in my life failed to prepare me for how serious it was, including my father, so I was woefully unprepared for the end.”

Stella heard the anger shine though her words, an emotion she long ago realized was contributing to her inability to let go of the pain. Scully placed a hand softly on her arm, a reminder that she wasn’t wading into this alone.

“My mother had checked out mentally long before he got sick,” she continued. “She was unhappy in the marriage but was too afraid to leave him. And I was the spitting image of him, in the physical sense but also in personality and temperament. I think she saw me as a constant reminder of what she was convinced were the worst parts of him, so she pulled away from me too."

A tear fell down her face, but neither woman moved to wipe it away. “When he died, I turned inward. I placed a lot of the blame on her. There was already so much resentment between us, but his death opened up a flood of anger and hurt that he had been keeping at bay while he was alive. Suddenly, there wasn’t a buffer anymore, and we just went at each other. Naturally, she pulled away completely, and then I was alone. The irony is, I grew up to be a lot more like her than him. I quickly learned to suppress my feelings by employing a plethora of unhealthy coping mechanisms. It was the only way I knew how to survive.”

Stella swiped at the tears that were coming faster now. “Maybe I’ve gotten into the habit of romanticizing the past, but I think about his death as the point in my life where everything before was happy and everything after has been painful.”

“You were fourteen, Stella. And there were no adults in your life to help you deal with your grief. It’s no surprise that you didn’t cope well,” Scully said softly.

Stella shook her head. “That may have been a good excuse when I was younger, but I think my neglect and avoidance has perpetuated all of it.”

Scully looked at her sadly. “That may be true, but then you’re only as guilty as the average human. The only difference is you have a lot more grief to process than the rest of us. And that excess of emotional pain has the potential to cause much more damage when you don’t address it.”

Stella stared at her hands. She knew what Scully was suggesting. “I can’t,” she whispered.

“Then you ask for help,” Scully said, squeezing her arm lightly.

*

Stella turned to meet her eyes, and Scully could see the plea behind them. Remnants of a little girl remained there, the version of Stella that needed comfort. But today's Stella wasn’t going to allow it so easily.

Scully stood and offered her hand, lifting Stella off of the couch when she took it. She wiped the tears from Stella's cheeks before placing a soft kiss on her lips. And then she slowly guided her up the stairs and into the bedroom.

When Stella pushed Scully against the bedroom wall and kissed her again, the action was one of desperation, as if she was using it as a funnel to pour all of her grief through. Scully matched the intensity when she kissed her back, and as they hungrily undressed each other, Scully allowed Stella to keep ahold of some semblance of control through the process. But when they fell onto the bed and Stella started to move her hands down Scully’s body, Scully stopped her and pulled back.

She rolled them over, positioning herself on top. She took Stella’s hands and brought them up to rest next to her head, giving her wrists a squeeze to send a message that they should stay there. She kissed along Stella jaw and down her neck, and then she started to trail warm and wet kisses down her body.

When she came to the scars, she didn’t ignore them. Now that she knew why they were there and the pain they represented, she gave them the respect they were due. She deposited a kiss on each rough line, and when she finished that task, she licked along all of the wounds on her way to Stella’s core.

*

Stella froze when she felt Scully reach her thighs, but her hands remained lying next to her head, honoring Scully’s request. Nobody had ever worshiped this part of her before; in the past, she never would have let them. Most of the time, she never allowed them to see her naked. But she knew that Scully meant her no harm.

When Scully’s tongue moved on to her center, she released the breath she was holding. This was no more familiar, but it somehow felt less emotionally charged. In her mind, she could justify it as just another sexual act. Except that this time, the warmth and softness that came from Scully was different than the treatment she'd received from any man she’d allowed to go there. And as Scully built her up, a wave of emotions built too.

She went over the edge hard and the brief feeling of euphoria was followed by an intense crash. For the first time, sex wasn’t enough. Or maybe it was the person she was doing it with, and her body knew it was finally safe to let go. She’d never cried during sex, and suddenly she found herself sobbing.

Scully pulled back, and Stella curled into the fetal position. She heard Scully murmur, “Oh, Stel,” as she came up and settled behind her, pulling her into a tight embrace.

Stella couldn’t stop the sobs, but it didn’t feel like the panic attack in the hospital. Scully, too, seemed to sense that this catharsis was nonthreatening and necessary, so she just held on to her. Occasionally, she would stroke Stella’s hair or rub her hand along her arm. When the pain swelled, she offered a hand for Stella to clutch tightly. When it ebbed, she loosened her hold to allow Stella to breathe. And all through it, she continued to whisper words of comfort, making sure Stella didn’t let go of reality.

Stella had no idea how long it had lasted when it was over. She felt herself slam up against a wall of emotional exhaustion, and the pain dulled. Her sobs fell away, and her breathing evened out. She felt something akin to what remained when a fire was doused, her feelings still emitting some steam even though the burning had stopped. It didn’t fix everything, but she knew it was a small step in the right direction.

Suddenly, she craved sleep. Without a word to Scully, she got up and walked to the bathroom. She washed her face, brushed her teeth, and used the toilet. And then she sat on the edge of the tub to give herself a few minutes alone to breathe.

*

When she returned, Scully was on the phone.

“Can you stay?” she heard Scully ask quietly.

Stella slipped into an oversized night shirt and got into bed beside her. She listened as someone on the other end responded.

“Yeah…I’m not sure...Okay, I’ll pay you double, Leah…Thank you.”

Scully hung up the phone and looked at it for a moment before turning to Stella. “I’m staying,” she said, and it wasn’t a question.

Stella met her eyes. She didn’t have the energy to fight her, and she was surprised to find that she didn’t want to. She nodded, and she saw relief wash over Scully’s face.

“I’ll be right back,” Scully said. She got up and walked to the bathroom.

Stella heard the toilet flush and the sink run. When Scully came back into the bedroom, Stella heard her search through the dresser, probably to find something to sleep in. And then Scully got in bed and wrapped her arms back around her.

“Sleep,” Scully whispered.

And so, Stella slept.

***

_"We [all] need to be held while we grieve, but it has to be by someone who can feel pain for our pain, not revel in it. Not someone who will abandon us."_

_-Stella Gibson_

_(The Fall: Series 3, Episode 6)_


	9. Chapter 9

For the first time in a long time, Stella slept without dreaming. She knew it was probably the exhaustion, but she couldn't discount that it was also a sign of a breakthrough. Therapists through the years had told her the dreams were a sign of anxiety, a symptom of not being able to turn her mind off even when she slept. The step she’d taken last night was a positive one; the outpouring of emotion had finally allowed her to relax. Well, that, and the woman lying next to her.

Stella stared at Scully as the morning light filtered in through the cracks in the curtains. She was still asleep, and Stella hated the fact that she would have to wake her just to send her home. Everything felt better when Scully was around. Stella felt calmer, more grounded, _happy_. All things she hadn’t experienced in a long time.

She sighed, acknowledging to herself that keeping Scully here was selfish. She trailed her finger lightly along Scully’s forehead and down her cheek, rousing her from sleep. Scully’s eyes opened slowly, and when they focused on Stella’s face, she smiled.

“Good morning,” whispered Stella.

“Hi,” Scully said in a sleepy voice.

“It’s early. I know you have to go home, but maybe we can take a walk first? I can make coffee,” Stella offered.

Scully rolled over to check the clock on the bedside table. She nodded as she turned back. “Yeah, I have time.”

Stella leaned forward and kissed her lightly. “I’ll go get it started. You can borrow clothes; leggings are in the bottom drawer, shirts in the one above it.”

*

They walked along the streets as the sun rose. Scully had been pretty much silent since she woke up, and Stella was starting to worry. Her rational mind told her that it was early, that Scully was probably just tired. Her irrational mind started to wonder if she’d exposed too much of herself last night, if Scully had realized she was too broken to fix. She tried to read Scully’s face, but it didn’t tell her anything. And every time Scully caught her staring, she just smiled.

When they wandered into a park, Scully pulled her down onto a bench. She sat close to Stella, thighs touching, and she linked their arms. With an almost inaudible sigh, she leaned her head against Stella’s shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Scully asked softly.

Stella turned to look at her, but Scully was facing forward, and her expression remained neutral. Stella lifted a hand to tilt Scully’s chin toward her. She met her gaze and saw the anxiety in her eyes.

“I’m okay, Dana,” she insisted.

Scully scanned her face. “It wasn’t too much?”

Stella let out a breath. This is why she was so quiet—she was worried she’d pushed Stella too far last night. Relief washed through her as she shook her head. “Just enough, I think. What about you? Too much?”

Scully’s eyebrows pinched in confusion. “For me? Why would it be too much for me?”

Stella leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. She fidgeted with her travel mug. “I unloaded a lot on you last night. It would be understandable if you—”

Scully cut her off. “If I what? If I suddenly decided you weren’t worth the effort?” Her voice was tinged with anger.

Stella sat up and looked over at Scully with surprise. She tried not to react as the words touched upon her deepest insecurities, but she felt her breath catch in her throat.

Scully shook her head. “Stella, you aren’t any less worthy of love because you’re a little bit broken. Things have happened to you, things that _weren’t your fault_. It doesn’t make you any less deserving, and anybody who uses that as a reason to walk away…” Her voice caught, and tears formed in the corners of her eyes.

Stella released the breath she was holding and rested her hand on Scully’s to stop her.

Scully went quiet for a minute. When she spoke again, sadness had replaced the anger. “There are things we haven’t talked about. Things that—" She paused and swallowed painfully. She turned her eyes to Stella. “I’m a little bit broken too. I would never let that be the reason this ends. I would never walk away because of your pain.”

“Okay. I’m sorry.” Stella pulled Scully toward her, wrapping her in a hug. “Those insecurities were my own. They had nothing to do with you,” she assured her softly.

She felt Scully relax into her. They sat and watched as the park came alive with the early-morning runners and dog walkers. After some time, Stella forced herself to break the silence. “You need to get home.”

Scully let out a sigh. “Yeah, I do,” she said, and Stella heard the regret in her voice. She stood and held out her hand, and when Stella took it, Scully interlaced their fingers.

And Stella didn't let go.

***

She found William on the couch reading a book. “Hi, baby,” she said, sitting down beside him.

He held up his finger, a signal that meant, _“Wait, let me finish this part and then we can talk.”_

Her mouth formed an amused smile, and she watched him as he finished his chapter. She was endlessly grateful for this part of her son.

He marked his place and set his book aside. “Hi,” he said, leaning into her for a hug.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up,” she said, brushing his unruly hair off his forehead.

“Where were you?”

She knew he would ask, so she’d worked out an answer in the car. “A friend needed me,” she said.

He looked up at her, his eyes narrowed in confusion. “You weren’t on a date?” Of course, he never missed a detail.

“I was on a date,” she said slowly. “They weren’t feeling well last night, and it didn’t feel right to leave them alone.” There was no way for her to easily explain what Stella had been through.

She watched as he processed her answer. “Are they okay now?”

Scully nodded. “I think so, yes.”

“Good,” he said, and he leaned into her again.

She smiled and kissed the top of his head. “What do you want to do today? Somehow you have a Saturday free of football, so we can do whatever you want.”

She felt him go still in her arms and he didn’t say anything. She pulled away. “What?”

He looked at her guiltily. “I was going to ask if I could go to Chase’s for a sleepover.”

She felt her heart sink slightly; they’d been spending very little time together because of her dates with Stella and his school schedule. But when she saw the anticipation in his eyes, she swallowed her disappointment. “Of course, you can go to Chase’s,” she said, trying not to let her feelings show.

He tilted his head. “You’re not mad that I don’t want to hang out with you?” he asked hesitantly.

She let out a breath and smiled at him, shaking her head slightly. “I’ll miss you, but we can do a special dinner tomorrow night to make up for it.”

His face lit up with an excited smile. “Can we get pizza and watch a movie!?”

She laughed. “Yes, we can get pizza. Maybe on the movie. It’s still a school night,” she reminded him.

He giggled and rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine.”

He hugged her again and she felt him tap three times on her back. _I love you._ She felt the familiar wave of emotion as she tapped him three times in response. _I love you, too._

***

Scully waited until lunchtime to call her. She could spend the evening alone, but with everything that happened with Stella the night before, she would rather be around her. She'd decided to invite Stella over to the house for dinner, but as she dialed the phone, Scully found herself suddenly nervous. Stella had never been over to her house, for obvious reasons; what if she didn’t want to come even with William away.

Stella answered on the fifth ring, slightly breathless. “Dana.”

“Hey,” Scully replied.

“Everything okay?” Stella asked, concern in her voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“I just didn’t expect to hear from you.”

“No, right…I—” Scully took a breath to steady herself. “I wanted to invite you over for dinner,” she said slowly. “William is going to sleep over at a friend’s house, so I have the night free.”

There was just enough of a pause for Scully to second-guess extending the invitation before Stella asked, “What should I bring?”

She could hear the smile in Stella’s voice, and she laughed. “Please just bring yourself. And dress for a night in—nothing fancy. Can you come around six?”

“I’ll be there.”

***

Stella pressed the doorbell and waited. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been to someone else’s house for a date. Before Scully, any of her sexual encounters—for lack of a better term—would have been confined to a hotel room. On the occasions when they weren’t, they were at her house on her terms. Of course, Scully wasn’t just an encounter. They hadn’t yet put a label on what they were to each other, but she knew it wasn't casual.

The door opened to reveal Scully looking slightly flustered in leggings and a long grey sweater, her hair up in a rare ponytail. One look at Stella and what she held in her hands, and her face transformed into a wide smile. “I thought I told you to only bring yourself.”

“A guest should never show up empty-handed,” Stella said, stepping into the entryway and leaning in for a quick kiss.

Scully’s face fell into a frown as she took the flowers and wine from her. “I have not once brought you anything.”

Stella smiled, amused by how cute Scully looked when concerned with something so trivial. She leaned in for another kiss, this time lingering. “It’s okay, I forgive you,” she said softly when she pulled away, a playful smirk on her face. Scully scrunched her nose in response, but Stella saw that she was fighting a smile.

A timer went off in the kitchen, and suddenly Scully was walking away. “Feel free to hang your coat on the wall to your right,” she said over her shoulder.

Stella looked around, finally taking in her surroundings as she shed her coat. The house was tidy but lived in, and there was evidence that Scully didn’t live here alone. A boy’s shoes and jackets were among those near the door. The bookshelves in the room to her left were filled with medical journals and young adult novels, and the couch was covered with at least three knitted blankets and plenty of throw pillows. The walls and shelves—where there weren’t books—were full of family photos.

Her eyes fell on one of a young boy—William. She knew it was him because he looked so much like Scully. His hair was red like hers, although not as bright. Freckles dusted his cheeks, and his eyes were the exact same shade of blue. But it was also his facial expressions. His smile was identical, as was his face when he was laughing and frowning. The only thing that he seemed not to have gotten from his mother was his height; he was already nearly taller than her.

Not for the first time, a question came into her mind. She hadn’t asked it yet, because she wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer. Her eyes scanned some of the photos, but they offered no clues, so she yet again pushed the thought away. _Not now,_ she decided.

She wandered over to the bookshelves and remembered Scully scrutinizing her book collection on their first date. They shared many of the same tastes, and she smiled as she traced her finger along the spine of a worn copy of _Moby Dick_.

Scully walked in with two glasses of wine. “Are you about to retaliate for my calling you a hopeless romantic?” she asked.

Stella laughed. “I’ll refrain from commenting, although I will note that we seem to like many of the same books,” she replied, raising a teasing eyebrow.

They sat down on the couch. Stella reached out and laid a hand on Scully’s arm, and she let Scully watch as her eyes drifted to one of the photos of William. “He’s beautiful,” she said quietly.

When Stella returned her eyes to Scully, she saw a number of emotions cross her face. Her eyes watered with tears as she smiled at the compliment. “Thank you,” she replied, her voice tight with feeling.

Suddenly, Stella realized that if she was ever going to ask the question, this would be the best place—the best moment—to do it. She took a breath.

“Dana, what happened to William’s father?”


	10. Chapter 10

Scully went still for a moment before she took a swig of wine and met Stella’s eyes. “I’m actually surprised it took you this long to ask.”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Stella replied quickly, sensing Scully’s discomfort.

Scully nodded, but she knew that they should talk about it. This question had an answer that touched on so many parts of her past and her identity. If she wanted more of Stella, she was going to have to give more of herself. “His biological father lives in New York,” she started.

Stella’s eyebrows went up with surprise, but she didn’t say anything. Scully figured she’d probably expected her to say he was dead, given she’d never mentioned him. But for many of the same reasons Stella didn’t talk about her father, Scully didn’t talk about Mulder. There was still pain there.

She continued. “William was conceived through IVF—" Her voice broke and she let out a long breath, shaking her head in frustration.

Stella reached out a hand, and Scully took it.

“I’m sorry. It’s a complicated answer,” she said softly.

“Don’t apologize,” Stella said, brushing a tendril of hair out of Scully’s eyes.

Scully looked away and tried to gather her thoughts. Maybe it would be easier to start from the beginning. “I was abducted…a couple years after I started working on the X Files.” She shut her eyes against the fear that crept in. She avoided these memories for a reason. “I was missing for a few weeks. They used me—my body—to conduct a number of experiments, and one of those experiments involved the extraction of all of my ova.”

Stella’s grip on her hand progressively tightened with each word, as if she needed to hold on to Scully to keep her safe from the horrors she was revealing. Scully risked a glance at Stella’s shocked face.

She forced herself to breathe and say, “Stel, I’m okay.” It was as much for Stella as it was a reminder to herself. Stella swallowed and nodded, loosening her grip and pulling her hand away.

Scully went on, “During the investigation into my disappearance, a sample of my ova were recovered. I found a doctor who thought there were enough viable for a couple rounds of IVF. By that time, I was in my mid-thirties. I had been working the X Files for nearly eight years, and I was in love with my partner. I knew I wanted to have a baby, and I wanted him to be the donor. We didn’t talk about what it would mean; I didn’t want to ask anything of him, and I think he didn’t want to insert himself. But he said yes.”

If Stella was surprised by this revelation, she didn’t show it. “What’s his name?” she asked instead.

“Mulder,” Scully said automatically, and then corrected herself. “Fox Mulder.”

Stella propped her head against her hand. “And he was in love with you?”

Scully nodded. “We were such a huge part of each other’s lives. We…grew up together. I was so young when I was assigned to work with him, and so…green.” Scully said the last word with a laugh. “I learned so much about myself when I was around him. We challenged each other. He pushed me to open up to possibilities, and I forced him to slow down. We became each other’s person.”

“But something went wrong?”

Scully looked around as if searching for an answer. She herself had wondered about this for years. How was she supposed to explain why their story was never meant to end happily?

“I think we—,” she began. “I think our love was something born out of need, or maybe grief. It was like every tragedy that he and I survived forced us closer together. And there were _a lot_ of them. We quickly became best friends, but it was because we were so isolated from everyone else in our lives. Mulder didn’t really have anyone when I met him, and the job pulled me away from a lot of my friends. It was dangerous, we lost family members…”

Scully’s voice trailed off as more painful memories flooded in. Stella, reading her face, reached out and laid a hand on her arm, offering her presence as a comfort but not interrupting.

“There were so many times when we faced losing each other, which just made us cling harder to one another. I think we refused to admit our real feelings because we were afraid of the prospect of another loss. We both knew we were in love, probably from the beginning, but it took us seven years to face it. And when we did admit it, he was suddenly gone, and I was pregnant.” Scully turned to Stella. “It was like all of my worst fears—the ones that held me back from him for so long—came true. He’d been abducted, and I had no idea if I was ever going to see him again.”

Stella watched as a tear rolled down Scully’s face and reached out to wipe it off her cheek. She offered Stella a sad smile before turning away again.

They sat in silence for a few moments before she continued. She made a calculated decision to skip the parts that were harder to explain. “When Mulder came back, things got dangerous again. There were people after us, people who…wanted William.”

Stella’s eyebrows pinched in confusion. “Wanted him?”

Scully nodded and picked at a loose string on her sweater. “There was some question early on about whether William was the product of an experiment. His existence was such an impossibility; he was… _he is_ a miracle. But also, I think the people that were coming after us knew what he meant to me and Mulder. They probably looked at him as a bargaining chip.”

Stella shook her head in disgust. An innocent child.

“I had to go into hiding, and I gave birth to him in an abandoned house in rural Georgia,” Scully continued, the pain of the memories evident in her voice. “It was…traumatic. But when it was over, I thought we might be okay; I thought that we could be a family. That lasted all of twenty-four hours before Mulder had to leave and I was alone with an infant. My mother was there, of course, but I needed him.” Scully’s breath caught in her throat when she said the last sentence.

“Dana,” Stella said. “You don’t have to relive this—”

Scully turned to her and forced a small smile. “I know, but I want you to know about this part of my past. I want you to know all of it.”

Stella watched as Scully’s eyes welled with tears. She again reached out her hand to catch one as it fell. “Okay,” she said softly, nodding for Scully to continue.

“I was separated from William when he was a baby. His life was threatened multiple times in the first few months, and I wasn’t prepared to protect him in the way he needed, so I gave him up.” Scully inhaled deeply in a futile attempt to preempt the onslaught of emotions before adding, “I gave him up with the expectation that I would never see him again.”

Her voice broke and with this, she couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. She brought a hand up to cover her face and started to cry quietly, and Stella pulled her into a tight embrace.

After a few minutes, she pulled back and wiped her eyes. “I think I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve said that sentence out loud,” Scully admitted. Stella took one of Scully’s hands in both of hers, her thumbs stroking her knuckles. Again, she said nothing, allowing Scully to continue at her own pace.

“Weeks after I sent William away, Mulder and I found each other again. But when I told him—” She shook her head. “He had no say in that decision and that…broke us. For a small time, we pretended it didn’t, but it did _irreparable_ damage. We were on the run, but we couldn’t handle being around each other. There was so much fighting, so much _screaming_. We never said it out loud, but we each blamed the other person.”

Stella tucked a strand of hair behind Scully’s ear and cupped her cheek. “I’m so sorry, love.”

Scully nodded, leaning into Stella’s hand. “He had to stay on the run, but I wasn’t in any danger. So, when I couldn’t handle it anymore, I went home.”

She took Stella’s hand from her cheek and held onto it, taking a deep breath.

“When I sent William away, someone built in a contingency plan. If, within a certain amount of time, we found out it was safe, I would be able to get him back. They didn’t tell me; I think because they didn’t want me to have a false sense of hope for something that was very unlikely to happen. But by some miracle, it did.”

“And Mulder?” Stella asked quietly.

Scully shook her head. “He couldn’t come back. He didn’t…for years. And when he did…” Her voice trailed off as her eyes became distanced.

Stella knew what Scully couldn’t say. _It didn’t end well._

“I think I’ll always love him,” Scully stated softly. “And maybe in another time and place we could have repaired what was broken between us. But he will always be dedicated to his quest for the truth over everything else. I didn’t understand that when I was in it with him; it required some distance for me to see it. His work on the X Files began with a very specific question, but by the time he found the answer to it, there were so many more questions.”

She sighed. “When he eventually came back, William didn’t know him, and I had found some peace. I had only barely processed the pain his quest had brought into our lives, and I didn’t want William anywhere near it. I gave him an ultimatum. He could keep searching for answers, or he could be with us. He couldn’t have both.”

Her mind slipped into the memory as she spoke.

***

_“What are you doing here, Mulder?” she asked him, her voice laced with anger._

_She felt like she was suddenly back in that motel room she’d left him in, furious with the choices that had brought them to this moment. He had shown up at her door with his wide smile and puppy dog eyes, greeting her with a gleeful “Scully!”_

_“What do you mean?” he asked, now confused._

_“You can’t just show up acting like three years haven’t passed and claim that you’re back. You can’t expect me to pick up where we left off, as if everything is fine. We’re not the same people anymore. I’ve moved on. By necessity, to protect him, I had to move on.”_

_There was hurt in his eyes. “But—"_

_“Are you prepared to do that?”_

_“Scully—”_

_The word was desperate, but she was too far gone._

_“No. I’m not doing this again! I am not putting him in danger again for this endless quest, Mulder. I can’t do it. You need to choose.” Her eyes filled with tears as she said it._

_There was a spark of anger in his. “That’s not fair! How can you even ask—"_

_“ None of this is fair, Mulder. It has never been fair—Melissa, your father, my cancer, your abduction. It’s certainly not fair that I have had to spend the last three years alone. But by the grace of God, I got William back, and he is safe. I’m not jeopardizing that, and neither are you.”_

_His face fell with each reminder of the pain he’d caused her, the anger gone as quickly as it had come. “I—I can’t step away from this, Scully. There’s still work to do.”_

_“Then let someone else do it, Mulder. Please,” she pled, tears falling fast._

_“I can’t do that,” he whispered. He reached out to her, but she pulled away. “Scully—"_

_“No,” she said, bringing her hands up between them. “Then you need to go.”_

_He didn’t move, so she pushed him toward the door. “You need to go, Mulder. Please leave. Please.” She was fully crying now._

_When the door shut behind him, she sunk to the floor and sobbed._

***

“He didn’t choose you.” Stella stated quietly.

Scully looked down at her hands. “I don’t think it was a fair choice. He believed he was saving humanity, and that included me and William. I regretted it for a long time after, even though I knew it was the only way to keep William safe at the time. It wasn’t until I moved to London that I felt like I had enough space to really breathe and move on."

Stella nodded and leaned in to kiss Scully’s forehead, and she huffed out a tiny laugh in response to the eerily appropriate gesture. Stella wrapped her arms around her and pulled her in again. She held her tightly, unable to fathom how this woman beside her had survived so much pain, and she thought that she probably still didn’t know the half of it.

After a beat, she allowed herself another question. “You said he’s in New York?”

Scully smiled. “He’s teaching. One of the top criminal justice programs in the country.”

“Do you ever speak?”

Scully nodded against Stella’s shoulder. “We didn’t for a long time, but we are…friends, I guess. It’s hard to define. When things calmed down, I wanted to give him an opportunity to be in William’s life. William knows him as Uncle Mulder. He spends weekends with him sometimes when Mulder is in London or when we travel back to the States for vacation. And they video chat regularly.”

Stella smiled into Scully’s hair, relieved that the ending wasn't all bad. She pulled back and reached down to lift Scully’s chin up. Leaning in to place a soft kiss on her lips, she tried to convey all of her support and gratitude. When they broke apart, Stella leaned her forehead against Scully’s and whispered, “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

Scully brought her hand up to stroke Stella’s cheek. She didn’t respond, afraid to say how she really felt—that she’d share every part of herself if Stella would let her, and that she longed for the same from Stella. Instead, she kissed her back, showing her through actions what she wasn’t yet willing to put in words.


	11. Chapter 11

When Stella woke, the bed was empty. She laid there for a minute, dreading the idea of leaving the covers and stepping into the cold air. She’d gone another night without dreaming—something that only seemed to happen when Scully was sleeping next to her.

She rolled to her side and buried her face in the pillow. She smiled at the scent that was entirely Scully, a perfect mixture of fruity and floral tones that would be forever tied in her memory to the red head. Flashes of what she and Scully did under the sheets the night before lit up in her mind, and it was enough to spur her to leave the warmth in search of something she wanted more.

She slipped on her underwear and bra but left the rest of her clothes on the floor in favor of a silk robe she found hanging on the back of the bedroom door. The stairs creaked under her as she descended to the first floor and made her way to the kitchen. When she reached the threshold, she spotted Scully standing at the stovetop, her back turned to her. Stella paused to watch her sway along with the music that was coming softly through a speaker on the counter.

“Are you just going to stand there staring at me?” Scully asked when the song ended.

Stella smirked, pushing herself off the doorframe. She walked up behind Scully and wrapped her arms around her waist, placing a soft kiss behind her ear. “You’re worth staring at,” she whispered.

“I think that’s my line,” Scully replied softly with a small laugh. She leaned back into Stella.

Stella tightened her arms and rested her chin on Scully’s shoulder. “Well, I’m borrowing it. It works better when applied to you anyway.”

Scully moved the pan of eggs off the burner and shut it off. She turned and brought her arms up around Stella’s neck, tilting her head to the side with a small smile. “Agree to disagree about that.”

She leaned in and pressed her lips to Stella’s, the kiss slow and tender. When she pulled away, she kept her eyes closed for a few seconds, something Stella noticed Scully did often.

Stella watched as Scully opened her eyes slowly.

“What?” Scully asked, smiling when she noticed the warm look on Stella’s face.

“I like it when you do that.”

“When I do what?”

Stella smiled softly and she pushed Scully’s hair over her shoulder. She rested her hand on Scully's neck and stroked her thumb along her jawline. “Sometimes when we kiss, you keep your eyes closed for a few seconds afterward, like you’re holding onto the moment.”

Scully leaned into Stella’s hand and smiled. “Time passes in moments,” she replied softly. “Sometimes it’s good to take stock, especially during the precious ones.”

Stella's smile widened, touched by the sentiment in Scully's words.

After a beat, Scully placed soft kiss on Stella’s palm and pulled out of her embrace. “Breakfast?”

“Yes, please,” Stella said.

Scully piled two plates with bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast with jam. She handed one to Stella and they brought their food and tea to the sunroom at the back of the house. They settled on the couch to eat facing the garden, covering themselves with a large, knitted blanket. When they were done, Scully curled up beside Stella with her mug of tea. Stella wrapped an arm around her back and sighed with contentment.

“Plans today?” she asked.

“William and I are having a pizza night,” Scully replied. “You?”

Stella sipped her tea. “I probably should go into the office. Annual reviews for the last quarter of the fiscal year are this week, and I have to help prepare the reports for the department.”

“That sounds dreadful,” Scully said.

Stella nodded. “Very much so. It’ll be a busy week.”

“I guess that means you won’t be able to step away for lunch?”

“Probably not,” Stella said, her voice apologetic. “But we could do dinner on Friday night if you’re free.”

Scully leaned her head on Stella’s shoulder. The thought of not seeing her for that long was disappointing, but she had two night shifts this week and William was starting swim practice. Her schedule was as much to blame as Stella’s. “That should work,” she said instead.

Stella dropped a kiss on Scully’s head and ran her fingers through her hair slowly. “Friday feels far away,” Stella observed, as if reading Scully's mind.

“Mmm,” Scully hummed in agreement.

They slipped back into an easy silence. When Scully finished her tea, she set the mug aside and pulled the blanket tighter around them. She snuggled closer to Stella, hyperaware of their dwindling time together and dreading her departure.

Stella smiled and lightly rested her chin on top of Scully’s head. _I could get used to this_. She wasn’t ready to say it out loud, but the morning had been nothing short of blissful. She didn’t want to leave.

***

When Scully arrived to pick up William, Amy invited her to stay for a cup of coffee and a chat. They had worked opposite schedules for the last few weeks and hadn’t seen each other, so Scully quickly agreed to the opportunity to catch up.

“How’s that detective of yours?” Amy asked casually.

Scully smiled. “She’s good. She spent the night last night.”

“You two seem to be getting serious.”

“Yeah,” Scully replied, shrugging. She didn’t really know what she and Stella were. If she were to label it based solely on how she was feeling, things were serious. It had only been a few months, but Scully and Stella had shared a lot with each other that they both hadn't shared with many people in their lives. And yet, other things between them remained casual. Scully hadn't told anybody in her life about Stella, other than Amy, and it seemed to be the same on Stella's end. The relationship had so far existed in a bubble, and Scully didn't know how long it could last that way. She also didn't know if it would survive once the bubble popped.

“Has she met William yet?”

Scully shook her head. “William knows I’m dating, but it’s too soon. Stella and I haven’t talked about where this is going and what it all means.”

“But she’ll meet him eventually?”

“I don’t know.” She stared into her coffee cup. “When I told Stella about William, and the tone of her response suggested that she wasn’t interested in taking on that kind of responsibility."

Amy raised an eyebrow. “But that was your first date, right? I’ve seen the way you are together, the way she looks at you. Whatever’s going on between you two feels significant, even from where I'm standing. You really think she doesn’t want to meet him?”

“I haven’t brought it up since the first night,” Scully said, shrugging again. “I don’t want to scare her off for no reason. And I’m not sure I’m ready for them to meet.”

“Why not?”

“It’s just been William and I for so long. I don’t know how it would change things. And I really don’t want him to get attached and then get hurt. I need to be sure that this isn’t going to fall apart.”

“Are you anticipating that it will?” Amy asked.

“Stella and I both have a lot of baggage, so it’s not exactly a relationship primed for success,” Scully said softly.

Amy tilted her head, giving Scully a sad look. “That’s a bleak way to think about it.”

Scully didn’t respond. She knew she was being pessimistic, but she’d been hurt too many times to count. She was enjoying her time with Stella, and yet there was still a small voice in her head that kept telling her it wouldn’t last, no matter how badly she wanted it to. It’s why her eyes remained closed after they kissed, trying to hold on to the moment for as long as possible. A part of her was terrified that those moments were limited.

Sensing that a morose mood had taken hold of the conversation, Amy changed the subject.

“Are you going to the gala?” she asked.

Scully let out a moan of frustration at the mention of the semi-annual hospital fundraiser. “I really don’t want to, but they asked me to speak on behalf of the emergency department. I think they’re trying to get me back for skipping out on the spring fundraiser. Are you going?”

Amy shook her head, dashing Scully’s hopes that she’d at least get to spend the night with a friend. “I promised Mark he wouldn’t have to go to both this year. He hates them.”

“Lucky you have a husband to use as an excuse,” Scully mumbled with jealousy.

“You should bring Stella!” Amy said with sudden excitement.

Scully rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and feed the rumor mill? No thanks.”

Amy laughed. “The rumor mill is already spinning, Dana. Your lunch dates haven’t exactly gone unnoticed.”

Scully’s eyes widened slightly as a blush crept across her cheeks. “Seriously?”

“It’s nothing too tawdry,” Amy assured her. “But this would be one way to set the record straight.”

Scully cringed. She didn’t really want to make a pseudo-public announcement about a relationship she and Stella hadn’t even defined. “I’m not sure a gala is exactly Stella’s definition of fun,” she hedged.

“Oh please,” Amy scoffed with a smile. “I’d bet that Stella’s definition of fun is doing pretty much anything with you. Plus, I’ve seen the way that woman dresses…she would fucking love a reason to wear something fancy. Trust me.”

Scully laughed. Amy was probably right on both of those points.

“Think of it as a test run,” Amy continued. “You can see what it’s like to be in a relationship around other people without bringing William into it. It's basically just been the two of you for the last few months. It might be nice to step out of that.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Scully said, although she suspected it would be more anxiety-inducing than nice.

Amy shrugged. “It’s an idea. But either way, I can take William for the night if you want. That way you don’t have to worry about getting home by a certain time.”

Scully smiled. “Thank you. I will definitely take you up on that.”

***

William negotiated for a night of board games with pizza, and Scully agreed. It was something they used to do frequently when William was a few years younger, and she hadn’t realized how much she’d missed it. They ordered a large vegetarian deep dish from their favorite pizza place and were playing _Stratego,_ one of William’s favorite board games.

“Mom, you can’t do that,” William said, moving Scully’s piece back to its original space. “Only forward, backward, or sideways.”

“Right,” Scully said, moving the piece forward. “How do you still remember how to play this? We haven’t played in years.”

“I play it with my friends,” he said, eyes focused on the game board as he decided what move to make next.

“That's not fair. That means I’m playing at a significant disadvantage.”

William moved a piece. “You picked out the game,” he said with a laugh.

“Yeah, well you said it was this or _Pandemic_ , and you know I don’t like that game.” She moved another piece, which he immediately attacked and captured.

The doorbell rang. “Pause for dinner,” she said, grabbing her wallet and getting up to answer the door. When she brought the pizza back in, they ate in the kitchen.

After dinner, William won the game of _Stratego,_ earning the right to choose the next game. He chose _Blockus,_ a game that Scully was much more proficient at. She won twice before William threw his hands up in frustration.

“Okay, I give up,” he proclaimed, falling dramatically from the couch to the floor.

She laughed. “Oh, come on!” she said, leaning down and poking his side where she knew he was ticklish. He squealed and tried to wriggle away, but he’d trapped himself between the coffee table and the couch.

She continued to tickle him and they both quickly devolved into tears from laughing so hard. When he started repeating “I surrender!” and he kicked the table hard enough to knock the game board to the floor, she stopped and slumped back into the couch, their giggles receding.

After cleaning up the game and dinner dishes, they both settled on the couch with a book. As it got late, William fell asleep with his head on a pillow in Scully’s lap. She knew she should wake him and put him to bed properly, but she wanted to enjoy being with him for a little while longer.

It had been years since they’d spent an evening together like this. Even before Stella, work and school took over their lives. Tonight reminded her of how it used to be. After her mother died and they moved to London, it was just the two of them. She remembered hours at home playing games and reading; she recalled the endless trips out of the house to visit parks and the zoo. But as William grew up, he made more friends and became more extroverted, which meant that slowly, they spent less time together.

She knew Stella was just one more thing that would push those days farther into the past, and she realized it was something she’d never considered when they'd started dating. Bringing another person into their world would change everything. She knew it wouldn’t be bad; in reality, it would just build upon what was already changing as William grew older. But it would be different, and she hoped it would be worth it.


	12. Chapter 12

Stella slammed the phone down in frustration. It was Wednesday afternoon and the week had gone from bad to worse. She was buried in paperwork for the fiscal review, and yet somehow, she didn’t have what she needed. She’d called down to the records department three times in the last twenty-four hours, and they still couldn’t find what she’d requested two days ago. This happened every year, and she always dreaded it. She didn’t become a detective for the paperwork, and the review was paperwork on steroids.

Her head fell into her hands and she resisted the urge to lay it down completely on her desk. As soon as her stress levels had started to rise on Monday, she’d wanted to call Scully, but she didn’t want to be a bother. She knew Scully’s work week was as busy as hers, and she had to juggle William’s schedule on top of it. They had plans for Friday, and Stella was trying to hold onto that.

It used to be that Stella had an outlet for this kind of stress—casual sex. She would go to a bar, pick up a man who was in town on business (it _was_ almost always a man), and go with him back to his hotel room. Rarely did they exchange much beyond pleasantries and the expectations were always clear cut. Stella was transparent about what she wanted and what she was willing to give in return. But things were different now, and Stella was surprised to find that she didn’t want sex. She just wanted to hear Scully’s voice.

She picked up her mobile and fiddled with it, going through the debate in her head again. She could text her, but Stella loathed having conversations over text. She could text asking that Scully call her when she’s free, but then Scully might feel obligated to use one of her short breaks at work talking to Stella. She could call her when she thought Scully would be busy and leave a message, but she wasn’t certain when that would be.

Or she could just get over herself.

Her office phone rang, pulling her back to reality. She answered it and proceeded to listen to a person in the records department explain to her once again why they didn’t have what she was looking for, and that they would keep looking but just wanted to let her know. She thanked them tersely and hung up the phone, and this time her forehead did land on her desk.

_Fuck it._

She reached for her phone and dialed Scully.

“Stella?” she answered sleepily.

Stella’s felt her stomach drop. “Shit, I woke you up.”

“I—yeah, you did. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Go back to sleep. I’m sorry for waking you,” she said quickly.

“Wait, no,” Scully replied. Stella could hear her moving around and pictured her getting up to turn on the lamp on her bedside table. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Stella sighed. “It’s nothing. Just having a bad week.”

“I’m sorry,” Scully said, her voice full of sympathy. She was silent for a moment before offering, “At least it’s half over.”

“Yeah,” Stella replied softly.

“You just have to get through two more workdays. And then I get to see you.”

“True,” Stella said, and she felt herself calming.

“We’ll have dinner, dessert, lots of wine, and…” Scully’s voice trailed off and Stella heard her yawn.

Stella huffed out a small laugh. “I’m not sure what the ‘and’ was supposed to be, but if it was something sexy, the yawn ruined it a little.”

Scully chuckled. “Sorry, I’m tired. But I promise I will be wide awake on Friday night.”

Stella smiled at the suggestive tone of Scully’s voice, and then heard her yawn again. “I should let you sleep.”

“No, I can—”

“Dana,” Stella interrupted softly. “Sleep.”

Scully went quiet, and Stella heard her release a breath. “You’re okay?” she asked one last time.

“I’m okay,” Stella confirmed. “Now sleep. Thank you for answering.”

“Of course, always. See you Friday.”

Stella hung up the phone and dropped it on the desk. She felt guilty for waking Scully, even though Scully didn’t seem mad about it. Stella hated inconveniencing people; she always handled things on her own, and she expected the same of others.

Except she’d do almost anything for Scully. That was one of the key components of being in a relationship, and that’s what this had become—a relationship. It was a foreign concept to Stella; she wasn’t used to relying on another person, trusting them with her feelings and well-being. But she felt better when she talked to Scully, slept better when they were in the same bed, and never seemed to get tired of being around her.

They’d done everything except call this thing between them by its name. She knew Scully was giving her space and letting things happen slowly, and she was grateful for that. But Stella knew she wouldn’t be walking away from this anytime soon. Maybe it was time to label it.

***

“Where are we going?” Scully asked, standing Stella’s entryway expectantly.

“The kitchen.”

Slightly confused, she shed her coat and followed Stella, finally noticing the scent of food. “Are we having takeout?”

“Nope, I’m playing chef tonight.” Stella walked to the island and continued preparing what looked like a salad.

Scully stopped short. “I’m sorry…what?”

“I’m cooking,” Stella said.

Not once had Stella indicated that she could cook. They’d been going out for two months, and every meal except the one at Scully’s house had been at a restaurant or takeout. And even then, takeout was only for lunch. The only things Scully had seen in Stella’s fridge were fruit and yogurt for smoothies and non-alcoholic sparkling beverages. Stella didn’t even stock white wine.

Scully dropped into a seat at the island. “Since when do you cook?”

Stella eyed Scully with amusement, handing her an already poured glass of red wine. “Just because I don’t cook often doesn’t mean I can’t.”

“Right, but I've _never_ seen you cook,” Scully said, casting a tentative glance at the ingredients in front of her. “Can I help?”

Stella shook her head. “It’s almost done. Once I mix the salad, we just have to wait for the pork chops and potatoes to come out of the oven.”

Scully watched quietly for a few minutes. Stella’s sudden urge to cook was vexing her. “So, if you _can_ cook, why don’t you?”

“I don’t enjoy it, and I often don’t have time for it,” she replied simply with a shrug.

“Mhmm. Okay, but that begs the question, why tonight?” Scully asked.

Stella finished and cleaned off her hands. She walked slowly around the island and stopped in front of Scully. “Because when we’re at a restaurant waiting for our food, I can’t do this.”

She leaned in pressed a soft kiss against Scully’s lips.

When she pulled away, Scully smirked. “I’m pretty sure we’re allowed to do that at a restaurant.”

Stella’s mouth twitched, fighting a smile. “Follow me. And leave the wine,” she directed suddenly, spinning on her heel and walking toward the living room.

“Stella, the food,” Scully said lamely, but the anticipation was already coursing through her. She could see where this was headed; she didn’t really care about the food.

“We have time,” Stella replied. She pointed at the couch. “Sit.”

Scully followed her directions, falling onto the couch. She liked this bossy side of Stella.

Stella slowly straddled her lap. Taking her time, she trailed a finger up Scully’s arm, across her shoulder, and along her collarbone. Then she brought her hand up and with one thumb traced Scully’s jawline and bottom lip.

It was all very gentle, until it wasn’t.

As soon as their lips met, Stella was on a mission. Her tongue demanded entrance into Scully’s mouth as her hands roamed greedily across her body. When they broke away for oxygen, she trailed a line of kisses down Scully’s neck. She began a slow grind with her hips and her hands came up beneath Scully’s shirt, tracing the underside of her breasts. And when Scully’s breathing reached the point that Stella knew meant she was turned on, she reached down and unbuttoned her pants.

She traced her finger along the lip of Scully’s underwear and slowed her mouth down, teasing but not actually making a move. She wanted her to ask for it. And with a few more well-placed kisses, she did.

“Stel,” she whispered desperately, her hips lifting along with the demand.

Stella slid her hand into Scully’s underwear and felt a rush of pleasure at the wetness she found there. Unwilling to torture Scully any longer but wanting to make her point, she brought her mouth to Scully’s ear. “I’m quite sure _this_ would be illegal in a restaurant,” she whispered as she slid one finger in.

***

Scully was sipping her second glass of wine as she leaned against the kitchen island, watching Stella make dessert. Eating dinner at Stella’s was Scully’s new favorite thing, and it was only partly because of the pre-dinner sex. Stella was a _really_ good cook—a skill she'd explained she developed with the help of her friend Stephen. The first course tasted phenomenal, and now she was making crepes.

Scully stayed mostly silent as Stella cooked, her nerves getting worse as the seconds ticked by. She’d decided that morning that she would invite Stella to the gala, taking Amy’s advice about using it as a test run for making their relationship a little more public. But every time there had been a clear opening to bring it up during their meal, she’d avoided the topic. It wasn’t the invitation itself that was making her nervous, but the conversation that would inevitably accompany it. They would finally have to define their relationship, and she didn’t know how that would end.

She took a breath. It had to happen tonight if she was going to do it. “Stel?”

“Hm?”

“I—um, I have this thing I have to go to next weekend, and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me. It’s a fundraiser event for the hospital. I have to go because they’re making me give a speech.”

Stella turned off the stove and turned around, her eyebrows raised. She leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms, but she didn’t say anything.

Scully started to back pedal. “If you don’t want to, I totally get it. I just thought it might be fun to go…” Her voice trailed off as Stella stood and moved toward her. When she stopped in front of her and waited expectantly, Scully cleared her throat. “…together,” she finished.

Stella stepped closer and placed her hands on Scully’s hips. “What would the evening entail?” she asked.

“A gala,” Scully explained slowly. “It’s black-tie formal. They’ll have appetizers and drinks. There will be a band and a dance floor. Speeches by the staff begging rich people to donate money. Awkward co-worker interactions.”

Stella smiled. “And you want me to be your date?”

Scully shrugged and tentatively met Stella’s eyes. “It could be fun. We could get a little tipsy and dance, or we could just sit at a table and make fun of everyone,” she said softly.

“Your coworkers would probably think we’re a couple,” Stella pointed out.

Scully cringed as they arrived abruptly at the topic she'd been dreading. She didn’t know if Stella's words meant she didn’t want people to get the wrong idea, and she now felt too afraid to ask. It was easier to give Stella—and herself—an easy out. “You’re right, it’s probably a bad idea,” she said after a moment, trying to move away.

“Hey, wait.” Stella pulled her back and planted her hands on the counter on either side of Scully to keep her from moving. “I’m not against it, I just want to make sure you’re okay with it. It’s your workplace, you’re the one that needs to be comfortable.”

“I am comfortable with it,” she said, although her voice lacked conviction.

Stella frowned. “Dana, what’s really bothering you?”

Scully stayed silent for a few seconds, trying to think of a less direct way to phrase the question she didn’t want to ask. When she came up empty, she sighed. “How would I introduce you?”

She looked at Stella and saw the blonde’s face soften. She felt hers heat up, and she cursed internally. She was regretting this entire conversation.

“You’re right, that’s a tough one,” Stella said seriously, but then a smile blossomed on her face and she leaned in for a kiss. It surprised Scully and took her a second to relax as Stella deepened it with a swipe of her tongue and a light bite to her bottom lip.

When Stella broke away, she smiled at Scully again. She tucked a tendril of hair behind Scully's ear and settled a hand on her cheek. After a beat, she took a breath.

“Dana Scully, will you be my girlfriend?” she asked.

Scully’s stomach turned to butterflies and her heart skipped, but she looked down and shook her head. “Stella, that’s not what I meant. You don’t have to—”

“Hey,” Stella said, grabbing her chin gently and forcing Scully to meet her eyes. “My question is entirely unrelated to the one you just asked.”

Scully searched her face. “You’re serious?”

“I am.” Stella smiled, pulling back slightly to give Scully some space. “If you’ll have me,” she said softly.

“If I—yes, of course yes, Stella,” she said, her eyes watering. She closed the space between them and pulled her in for a tight hug.

Stella released a breath and melted into her. They stayed that way for a minute, neither wanting to let go. When Stella finally pulled away, she found Scully’s eyes wet. “Happy tears?” Stella asked hesitantly.

Scully nodded, wiping them away. “Is this why you wanted to eat here?”

“Yes,” she replied with a smile. “Although I had a different plan for asking you. But we’ve solved the other problem, yes? We can go to the gala?”

Scully laughed, nodding again and pulling Stella in for another kiss.

The crepes were entirely forgotten.


	13. Chapter 13

_November_

Scully had been attending hospital fundraisers twice a year since she’d moved to London, and after the first year she’d invested in exactly one dress. It was black, simple, and drew just enough attention. It fit both the black-tie dress code for the fall event and the cocktail dress code for the spring. She’d thought about wearing it again tonight, but two things dissuaded her. The first was that this would be the first gala she attended with a date. The second was that her date was Stella, a veritable fashion icon.

It was time to buy a new dress.

She had a free afternoon midweek, so she used it to shop. She hated shopping but was lucky enough to find something that would work in the second store she stopped at. Stella had told her she’d be wearing black, so Scully chose something that would both contrast and match the lack of color—a nude floor-length nylon dress covered in tiny beads that sparkled in the light. It hugged her curves in all the right places and had a neckline that covered just enough that she was still comfortable being seen by her coworkers. She’d splurged slightly on the price, which included the necessary heels and clutch purse, but was ultimately pleased with the find and hoped Stella would be too.

She walked down the stairs in the dress, her hair in a twisted updo. She was carrying a duffle with casual clothes she could change into at Stella’s in one hand and her new purse in the other. When she reached the entryway, she put her wallet, phone, and lip gloss into the clutch and a pair of flats in the duffle.

“William?” she called loudly.

“Coming!”

She could hear him moving around upstairs. They were running slightly late, and she had to drop him at Amy’s house and then park her car at Stella’s. They would take Stella’s car to the gala.

William bounded down the stairs, his arms full with a backpack, a large jacket, his pillow, and a book. Scully caught him as he tripped stepping off the bottom step.

“Oof, careful! Why don’t you put the book in the bag and put your coat on,” Scully suggested, but William had gone still and was staring. “What?” she asked, looking around in confusion.

“You look _really_ pretty,” he said, his face full of awe.

Scully suppressed a smile. “Thank you,” she said, self-consciously touching her hair. “Do you like the dress?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “Much better than the black one,” he declared.

“Oh, come on,” Scully said, rolling her eyes as she held his coat out for him to put on. “The black dress is nice too.”

“Mom,” William said seriously. “The black dress is like…here.” He stuck his right hand out in front of him at the level of his chest, and then stuck his left hand as high into the air as he could. “And this dress is like _way_ up here.”

She laughed. “Okay, I get it. Come on, book in the bag. We have to go.”

***

Scully read the text as she walked up Stella’s front steps.

_I’m still getting ready. The front door is open. Let yourself in. –S_

She pushed open the door, a nervous flutter forming in her stomach. It felt weird to enter Stella’s space without her there to welcome her, but it was too cold to wait in the car. She dropped her duffle bag on the floor and looked around, slipping her coat off. It was mostly dark, and she was considering whether she should call out or text Stella when she heard heels on the stairs behind her.

She turned to see Stella descending the stairs slowly in an off-the-shoulder black jumpsuit with a neckline that dipped slightly in the center and a small triangular cutout in the center of her abdomen. She paired the look with tall black heels, simple silver jewelry, and a low side ponytail. It was elegant and perfectly her, striking the balance between sexy and sophisticated.

The nervous flutter in Scully’s stomach turned to full-on butterflies. “You look amazing,” she breathed.

Stella’s face lit up with a smile as her eyes took in Scully. “Not nearly as good as you. Dana, that dress is…” Her voice trailed off as she reached the bottom step, at a loss for words. “I can’t decide if I want you to wear it forever or let me take it off you as soon as possible.”

Scully laughed, blushing. “How about we compromise, and I’ll let you undress me later,” she said. She walked over to Stella and gave her a quick kiss. “You ready?”

Stella shook her head and pulled Scully in suddenly for a deeper kiss. Scully smiled against her lips and wrapped one arm around Stella’s neck to keep balanced on her heels. When Stella pulled away, she rubbed a little lipstick off the edge Scully’s lip. “Okay, now I’m ready,” she said with another smile, slightly breathless.

***

When they got to the venue, they left the car with the valet and checked their coats at the entrance. The gala was being held in the British Museum’s Queen Elizabeth II Great Court, a location that sat between the three affiliated hospitals that the fundraiser benefitted. For the evening, the museum was closed to the public and the enormous circular atrium had been entirely transformed, the lights dimmed and colored red and blue. Despite the glass ceiling that offered a view of the endless night sky, the atmosphere felt intimate.

A large stage was positioned where the staircases met in the front of the circular tower that dominated the center of the room, and a dance floor sat at its feet. A large jazz band was playing on the stage, providing a soft background track to the evening as attendees filtered in. The edges of the room were lined with tables that featured a plethora of food options offered in small portions that guests could take and eat at the high tables that stood everywhere. There were also two large bars in the corners farthest from the stage.

Stella looked around. “Dana, you did not do this justice when you extended the invitation,” she said, wonder in her voice.

Scully laughed. “Sorry, I was just a little distracted that night.”

Stella turned to her, smiling warmly at the memory of the conversation Scully’s invitation had spurred a week ago. “Fair point,” she conceded.

Scully took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “I have to go check in with the event coordinator in about fifteen minutes. Let’s get a drink first.”

They made their way to one of the crowded bars and found a spot on the end to wait. “Do you recognize anyone?”

“I see a couple of my colleagues,” she said, turning to look around the room. Her eyes landed on a man standing across the room who was holding court among a group of young women.

Stella followed her gaze. “You know him?” she asked.

“That’s Doctor Greyson Elliot. He’s why I skipped the last fundraiser,” Scully said, turning back to the bar. “He has asked me out three times since I moved here. The last time, it was to be his date to the spring benefit. He wouldn’t stop bothering me about it, so I eventually made up an excuse and told him I wasn’t going at all.”

“He sounds like a real winner,” Stella said with disdain. There were few things she hated more than a man who didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

“He gets a little more… _insistent_ with each invitation,” Scully said, rolling her eyes. “He’s slept with half of the nurses, so I’m not really sure why he feels the need to keep asking me out.”

After flagging down the bartender and ordering them two glasses of champagne, Stella turned to her. “Take it from me, you’re a little bit irresistible,” she said, resting a hand on Scully’s wrist.

“Ha, right,” Scully huffed as their drinks arrived. She pulled out her phone to check the time. “I have to go do the speech thing,” she said apologetically.

Stella nodded. “I’ll take our drinks and find a table.”

*

Stella watched the faces around the room as Scully spoke onstage. All eyes were trained on her, but it wasn’t only because she was speaking. Eyes had been following Scully since they’d arrived, a testament to how stunning she looked tonight. It wasn’t surprising to Stella, who found herself unable to pull her gaze away from her girlfriend for long. But Scully didn’t seem to notice the attention at all.

Unfortunately, she was also getting unwanted attention. As Scully finished and walked down the steps on the side of the stage, Stella noticed Greyson Elliot make a beeline for her. She watched as Scully saw him and a look of apprehension settled on her face, made worse when he immediately invaded her personal space for an awkward hug. Stella knew Scully could handle herself, but she didn’t want this guy to ruin the evening. She picked up their drinks and made her way toward them.

“…look really good, Dana.”

“Thank you, Dr. Elliot,” Scully replied, her tone intentionally formal.

“Would you like to—” Elliot fell silent as Stella came up beside Scully.

She saw the look of relief when Scully noticed her, and she leaned in to place a small kiss on her cheek. Handing her a drink and turning to Elliot, she let her free hand fall possessively on Scully’s back, pleased when she felt Scully lean into it.

“Dr. Elliot, this is Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson of the London Metropolitan Police Department,” she said, pausing for a moment to let Stella’s title sink in before adding, “my girlfriend.”

Stella put on her best poker face and relished the look of confusion and shock on Elliot’s face. He took a few seconds to recover, and when he did, it wasn’t gracefully.

“Your—you have a…” He cleared his throat slightly and stuck out his hand. “It’s nice to meet you Miss…Stella,” he said awkwardly.

“Pleasure,” she responded, although her voice didn’t hold the sentiment. She shook his hand tightly.

“Da—Dr. Scully, it was nice to…uh, I have to go see…have a good night.” He left quickly, stumbling slightly when he swerved to avoid a waiter carrying a tray of drinks.

Scully turned to Stella. “Pleased with yourself?” she asked with amusement, seeing the look of satisfaction on Stella’s face.

Stella smiled widely. “Hey, you’re the one that introduced me with my full title.”

“Well, it worked,” Scully replied with a laugh.

Stella wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in. “Yes, it did,” she said, her eyes dancing as she leaned in and kissed her.

*

Scully had introduced Stella to a few of her more polite colleagues as they’d wandered around the room trying different foods. Everybody was surprised but pleased to meet her, and Scully enjoyed being able to introduce her as her girlfriend. In reality, nobody’s opinion here mattered, but she still felt great pride at having Stella beside her. She couldn’t believe she was ever nervous about bringing her to the gala.

After about an hour and a half, they settled at a high table. Stella was standing behind Scully with one arm wrapped around her waist, her hand resting on Scully’s abdomen and her chin on Scully’s shoulder. Her other hand was laying with Scully’s on the tabletop, their fingers interlaced. They were mostly people watching, Scully occasionally breaking the silence to tell a story about other fundraisers or her colleagues.

She felt Stella shift slightly behind her. “Do you want to dance?” Stella whispered.

Scully turned to look at her. She wanted to, but she remembered Stella’s face when she’d asked her to dance on their first date. And that was alone in her house. “We don’t have to—”

“Come on,” Stella interrupted, immediately seeing through Scully’s words.

The band had been replaced by a DJ about an hour before, and as they made their way to the dance floor, a slow song came on. Scully smiled when Stella pulled her in and they started to sway.

“Thank you for coming with me tonight,” she said in Stella’s ear.

“There’s nowhere I’d rather be,” Stella replied truthfully.

Scully smiled. “I thought you weren’t a romantic,” she teased.

“I’m not,” Stella said with a small laugh.

“We’re at a gala, dressed up and dancing. You just told me there’s no place you’d rather be. I hate to break it to you, but this whole situation is the definition of romantic.”

Stella sighed. She tightened her hold around Scully’s waist, bringing her closer. “Dana, I love a good party. I especially love a good party where I get to dress up, drink alcohol, and eat delicious food. To top all of that off, I got to spend the entire night with the most beautiful woman in the room. And right now, I’m holding that woman on the dance floor while _everybody_ watches with envy. This isn’t romantic, it’s selfish.”

Scully fell silent as Stella's words took her breath away. Self-doubt threatened to creep in around Stella’s generous compliment, but she felt her heart override her mind. She hadn’t noticed the attention, because Stella was the only person in the room that mattered to her. As they’d walked around earlier, if she wasn’t touching Stella, she was staring at her. She knew what Stella was saying, because she’d been acting selfish all night. And if this is what being selfish felt like, she never wanted to stop.

“I like it when you’re selfish with me,” she whispered.

She couldn’t see Stella’s face, but she felt her react to the words. The song slowly ended, and they stopped moving. Scully pulled back slightly but kept ahold of Stella’s hand.

Stella's face was calm, but her eyes were sparkling. She leaned in and kissed Scully lightly, aware that a lot of eyes were still on them. “Then let me take you home,” she said softly.

***

They stood at the kitchen island, barefoot and back in casual clothes. Despite Scully’s earlier promise to let Stella undress her, they were both exhausted and craving sugar by the time they got back to the house. They were now each working their way through a bowl of chocolate ice cream.

When Scully finished her dessert, she put the bowl in the sink. She walked up behind Stella and wrapped her arms around her, laying her cheek on Stella’s shoulder.

“How late can you stay?” Stella asked softly.

“I can spend the night,” Scully replied. “And I don’t have to pick up William at any specific time tomorrow.”

Stella turned, a small smile on her face. “Really?”

Scully nodded, brushing a piece of hair out of Stella’s face. She leaned in and placed a lingering kiss on Stella’s lips, tasting chocolate. “You look relieved,” she said when she pulled away, her voice holding a question.

“I sleep better when you’re here,” Stella admitted.

Scully smiled. “Ah. Is that what we’re doing tonight, then?” she asked suggestively.

Stella’s lips twitched, suppressing a smirk. She pulled Scully back in and kissed her again, deeper and with urgency this time, and Scully felt it everywhere. When they broke apart, they exchanged only a look, and Stella took her hand, leading her up the stairs.

***

When Stella woke, she thought she’d had a nightmare, but her attempts to grasp for the details to write in the journal at her bedside came up empty. She looked around her bedroom, suddenly fearful that maybe she had heard something or someone in the house, but Scully was sleeping soundly next to her and everything was cloaked in silence. She looked to the clock at her bedside and was surprised to find that they had slept late into the morning; it was almost midday.

Suddenly, a phone on the nightstand began vibrating; Stella picked it up without checking the caller ID, not wanting it to wake the woman beside her. “Gibson,” she said quietly, giving only her surname out of habit.

“Dana?” a voice on the other end said, sounding very uncertain.

“Oh, she’s not available—,” Stella started to say.

“I need to speak with her, it’s urgent. _Please._ ”

Stella’s eyebrows rose, but the voice on the other end didn’t sound rude. To Stella, it sounded desperate. “Just a moment.”

Stella put a hand on Scully’s arm, squeezing it and shaking her slightly to wake her without scaring her. “Dana. _Dana._ ”

“Mmmmmmm,” Scully groaned, rolling her face into the pillow.

“Dana, you have a phone call.”

Scully sighed and sat up, wiping sleep from her eyes. She reached out for the phone.

“Hello?”

Stella felt Scully tense beside her. Intense worry settled onto her face, her eyes widening and her breathing stopping abruptly. Without explanation, she got up and started getting dressed.

“Where is he? Is he… _shit_ …” Scully tripped as she tried to shove her foot into a pair of leggings.

“Amy, do you know…can you…I need you to…okay, I’m on my way.” She hung up the phone and ran down the stairs without a word of explanation.

Stella jumped out of bed and followed her. “Dana, where are you—”

“It’s William. He’s been in an accident.” Her voice sounded detached, clinical almost.

Stella stopped and her heart sank. It took only a moment for her instincts to kick in. “Let me drive you.”

Scully shook her head. “I can’t. I have to get to the hospital.” She grabbed her purse, jacket, and keys.

“Dana—”

But Scully was already out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little behind-the-scenes on the gala looks:
> 
> Stella's jumpsuit looked something like this: https://www.tobi.com/product/71988-tobi-no-tears-left-to-cry-off-shoulder-jumpsuit?color_id=103224
> 
> Scully's dress was essentially Gillian's dress from the 1997 Golden Globe awards.


	14. Chapter 14

Scully’s heart was beating wildly as she drove to the hospital. She was operating on very little information, which was causing her mind to wander to the most devastating places. William had been in an accident. _My baby._ Tears were welling in her eyes, and she swiped them away as they unhelpfully blurred her vision. Her mind continued to play the phone call on a loop.

_“Hello?”_

_“Dana? It’s Amy. William, he’s—he’s been in an accident. He was riding a bike and he got clipped by a car. I’m so sorry, Dana. I thought—”_

_“Where is he?”_

_“He’s on the way to the hospital. I called an ambulance.”_

_“Is he—”_

_“He was in bad shape. His hip and leg. And he hit his head when he fell. He wasn’t conscious, but his pupils looked okay. He was breathing, and his heart rate was stable.” Amy was talking to her like a doctor now, although Scully could hear tears in her voice._

_“Amy, do you know—”_

_“I’m not with him. They wouldn’t let me ride in the ambulance, Dana.”_

_“Can you—”_

_“I’m just getting to the hospital now.”_

_“I need you to—”_

_“I’ll make sure they’re handling it. I’ll make sure he’s being taken care of.”_

_“Okay, I’m on my way.”_

She swung into the parking lot and parked haphazardly. She ran into the emergency room and spotted Kate.

“Where is he?”

“Dr. Scully, you can’t—” Kate tried to stop her from moving past the desk.

_“Where is he!?”_ She suddenly felt frantic. They couldn’t keep him from her, she wouldn’t let them.

“Dana!”

Amy came around the desk. Her sleeves were rolled up and she had a disposable gown and gloves on. Scully scanned her, but there was no blood.

“He’s been taken into surgery,” Amy said. “He has some internal bleeding and broken bones in his hip and upper leg. He’s being scanned for a brain bleed, but his pupils are still responsive, and he was wearing a helmet.”

Scully’s hand went to her mouth as a sob finally escaped her. She felt like her knees might give under her. _This can’t be happening._

Suddenly Kate was at her elbow. She walked her behind the desk and sat her down in a chair.

Amy crouched down in front of Scully and grasped her knee. “He’s in good hands, Dana.”

Scully shut her eyes, tears falling rapidly as her mind continued to cycle through all the possible bad outcomes. Being a doctor was both a blessing and a curse when someone you loved was hurt, and at the moment it felt like the biggest curse. She felt entirely out of control.

***

Stella sat on her couch. She’d been there for the past half hour, ever since Scully had run out her front door. Her immediate desire had been to follow her, but she didn’t want to overstep. This was William, Scully’s son, her ultimate priority. And they still hadn’t discussed how or when William was going to meet Stella—if ever.

Stella’s mind reeled as she thought about the pain Scully must be feeling, and she ached to be there for her. She didn’t want Scully going through this alone. But Stella had no idea how bad it was; maybe the accident was minor, and Scully was just this way about any danger William faced. She had every reason to be overprotective, given their past.

Stella rubbed a hand down her face. She couldn’t call Scully for information; she probably wouldn’t even answer the phone. She also couldn’t call the hospital, because they wouldn’t give out confidential patient information.

She picked up her phone and dialed. “Hey, I need a favor.”

She explained what she needed to the person on the other end of the line and hung up. Stella was a cop—a detective—and she could use that to her advantage.

She asked one of the detectives on duty to call into the hospital for a status report on William Scully, under the guise of a criminal accident inquiry filed with the police. Stella asked for favors sparingly, so the detective had readily agreed.

She waited nervously on the couch, fidgeting as time passed. Less than ten minutes later and her phone was buzzing.

She answered quickly and felt a flood of emotion as she listened. William wasn’t her son, but he was a child, and he didn’t deserve to go through something like this. They couldn’t even tell her if he was going to make it out of surgery. And Scully—

Stella dropped her head in her hands after hanging up the phone. In seconds, she was up and getting dressed to go to the hospital.

***

Scully was sitting in the doctor’s break lounge. The staff had been gracious enough to allow her to wait there instead of the normal waiting room.

She was restless and spent the first hour pacing. It could take hours, they told her, so when she’d tired of pacing, she sat on the couch with her head in her hands and her knee bouncing with anxious energy.

When the door opened, she stood up, hoping for some news from the surgical team. She deflated when Kate walked in, and then she saw Stella.

Her hand shot up to cover her mouth as a sob escaped her, grateful to see the only person she knew could provide her comfort right now. Her knees finally did give out as Stella reached her. It was as if Scully had unconsciously held herself together until someone was there to catch her.

Stella wrapped her arms around Scully and pulled her down onto the couch. She held her as she cried, all of Scully’s fear and frustration and sadness seeping out of her in what felt like endless sobs. And when the crying had stopped, Stella continued to hold her, stroking her back and occasionally placing soft kisses into her hair. Stella didn’t have words; she knew nothing she could say would provide Scully any comfort in this moment. Scully needed facts and Stella couldn’t offer her any.

When Scully settled, doubts started to creep into her mind. She remained silent in Stella’s arms, but her mind was reeling, and she couldn’t help but feel that if she’d been with William this wouldn’t have happened. She would have protected him; he wouldn’t have been on a bike in the street; he wouldn’t have been anywhere near that car.

At some point, Stella got up and brought them coffee, but Scully’s remained untouched.

Guilt crashed over her in waves as she thought back to how little time she’d spent with William in the past two months. Her time had been consumed with Stella and work. William wasn’t angry; he took advantage by spending time with his friends. But that fact didn’t stop the regret from forming. _What if he dies?_

Stella asked her if she wanted to eat anything. She just shook her head.

A soft but angry voice in her mind chastised her; she had become distracted and he had gotten hurt. Somehow, he had paid the price for Scully’s newfound happiness, and she berated herself for losing track of her priorities. William was her miracle, and it was as if the universe was reminding her of that. How dare she look for happiness elsewhere.

As her mind landed on this last thought, the door opened and one of the doctors walked in. Scully sat up out of Stella’s arms, but reached for her hand, needing something to hold onto.

“Dr. Scully, William is okay. He’s pretty banged up—he’s got a broken hip and femur on his right side, both of which required pins to set. He also had some internal bleeding on his spleen that we had to repair. He broke his left elbow, which will require a cast. And he has a minor concussion, but right now there are no signs of bleeding in the brain. He will be in the intensive care unit through the evening and should be moved to a regular room tomorrow. He will need a fair amount of physical therapy, but I expect he'll make a full recovery.”

Scully let out a breath and fell back into the couch, into Stella. Tears started to fall again, but a light smile settled on her face as relief washed over her.

“Thank you,” she managed, her voice raw from her earlier sobs.

The doctor nodded. “He’s still sedated, but you can come see him.”

Scully rose, Stella following behind her, and walked toward the door to go with the doctor. Although the news from the surgeon had provided some relief from the shame spiral that she had been treating herself to for the past few hours, many of the thoughts remained lodged in her mind.

She turned abruptly to Stella but didn’t meet her eyes. “Stel, I’m okay. I—I need you to go home.”

Stella searched her face. William wouldn’t be awake and seeing him would not be easy for Scully. _Does she not want me here?_

“Please, Stella.” Scully needed to put some distance between them. She needed to be able to focus on William entirely, and she couldn’t do that with these thoughts of guilt and regret—thoughts tied to Stella—swirling in her mind. “I will call you when I can, okay?”

She looked up and met Stella’s eyes, trying to convince her that she was really okay. Stella nodded hesitantly and leaned in, placing a kiss on her forehead and giving her hands a soft squeeze. “If you need anything…”

Her voice trailed off, allowing the offer to remain open-ended.

Scully nodded and followed the doctor out.

***

When William woke a few hours later, Scully was sitting in a chair with her head laid on the edge of his bed. She wasn’t asleep, but she’d run out of energy to remain upright.

“Mom?”

Scully lifted her head and her breath caught as she met his eyes. Tears returned abruptly, despite the fact that she was sure she didn’t have it in her to cry anymore. She wiped them away quickly, not wanting to scare him. “Hi, baby.”

Her hand found his, and she tapped it three times— _I love you._ He didn’t tap back.

“What happened?”

She looked at him, assessing his level of comfort. “Do you remember anything?”

He shook his head. “Not really. I was out riding bikes with Chase. And then I think was in the emergency room. My head feels…fuzzy.”

She debated leaving out the details, but they always told each other the truth. “You were hit by a car when you were on the bike. You…broke your leg and your hip. And your elbow.” She pointed to each limb in turn. “There was some internal bleeding, but that’s all fixed. And you hit your head—slight concussion.”

He winced and his eyes shut. A tear rolled down his cheek. “I’m sorry…”

“Oh, honey, it’s _okay._ ” She took his hand in hers and cursed that she couldn’t take him into her arms. “You’re going to be just fine. Bumps and bruises, nothing that time won’t heal.”

He continued to look at her apologetically. After a moment, his eyes scrunched closed.

“Are you in pain?” Scully found herself slipping in and out of doctor mode as she tried to read his face.

“A little bit,” he mumbled, clearly trying to downplay it.

Scully pressed the call button and met the nurse by the door, asking for more pain medication. When it was handled, she came back and settled next to the bed again.

William looked like he was fighting the urge to fall asleep.

“Will, you can rest. I’ll be here, okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

He looked at her with worry in his eyes, but exhaustion overtook his efforts to remain awake.

_I’m not going anywhere,_ she repeated to herself.

***

Two days after the accident, Scully had yet to leave the hospital. She’d had a few changes of clothes in her office and rights to the staff locker rooms. Her food was exclusively from the cafeteria. She slept on a makeshift bed on the window bench in William’s room. She was exhausted.

That morning, she’d sent a text to update Stella. William was going to be in the hospital for a few weeks, possibly longer because they were having trouble regulating his blood counts due to the injury to his spleen. She would be on leave from work for the first two weeks but would basically be living at the hospital with him. She didn’t know when she’d see her.

But she also was still feeling all of the guilt and shame that had overcome her on the day of the accident. She didn’t know how to separate herself from those feelings, the ones telling her that she had tried to take too much for herself and the universe had punished her for it. The ones that told her she should have been happy with her miracle and never should have had the audacity to want more.

She leaned back in her office chair, where she sometimes came for a break when William was sleeping. Pushing aside thoughts of Stella, she turned her mind to another phone call she’d been neglecting. She had to call him. He’d find out eventually, given how often he and William talked. Plus, William was his son. He deserved to know.

She picked up her phone and turned it over in her hands a few times, wondering if it would be inappropriate to text this kind of news. She shook her head. _Of course that would be inappropriate._

She pressed call and immediately started fidgeting with a pen on her desk.

“Hey Scully!”

“Hi, Mulder,” she said roughly, her voice still slightly raw.

“What’s wrong?”

Of course, he could tell. He could always tell. “William is—” Her voice caught on his name. “Uh, he’s okay. But he’s in the hospital.”

“What happened?” His voice had gone quiet with urgency, and she could hear him moving around in the background.

“He was riding a bike and got hit by a car. He has a few broken bones and had to have surgery. But he’s okay,” she said, her voice breaking again. She felt a tear fall onto her cheek and wiped it away with frustration. She was so tired of crying.

“What can I do, Scully?” he asked.

“You don’t have to do anything, Mulder. He’s okay. I just wanted you to know.”

He was silent for a beat and then said, “I’m coming to London.”

She sat up. “No, Mulder—”

“I want to see him, Scully. And you shouldn’t be alone.”

She rested her forehead against her hand and sighed. She knew she could call Stella if she didn’t want to be alone, but she also felt like she couldn’t do that as long as the feelings of guilt were still there, somehow inextricably linked to their relationship.

Mulder would be a comfort, and William would love to see him. “Okay,” she said softly.

“I’ll be there tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, leaving kudos, and commenting. It means the world! <3


	15. Chapter 15

The first thing he did was hug her. She didn’t realize how much she’d been starving for contact, and she felt a flood of relief flow through her as he folded himself around her tiny frame. She laid her forehead on his chest; he still smelled the same, and memories associated with the scent flashed through her mind. She took a deep breath, the entire sensory experience a comfort.

“How is he?” he asked.

She pulled away. “He’s in remarkably good spirits, considering,” she said softly.

He looked her over. “You look dead on your feet.”

She shrugged, crossing her arms defensively against his examination. She still hadn’t gone home, but she’d run out of clothes. She wasn’t sleeping well in the hospital, and the stress of the last few days was having a compounding effect. She knew she couldn’t sustain this, but she didn’t know what else to do.

“Let me guess. You haven’t left the hospital.”

She looked away. “I can’t.”

He nodded. “Why don’t we go see him and I’ll stay. You can go home, take a nap, and get some more clothes. Eat something besides whatever you’ve been enduring from the cafeteria.”

She was protesting before he even finished talking. “No, I’m not—”

“Scully, it’s not good for him when you’re like this. You know how sensitive he is to you and your emotions. Go home and sleep. It doesn’t have to be for the night. But please, do it for him.”

She pressed her lips together, forcibly stopping herself from protesting further. He was right; the same thing had happened after her mother died, when she felt broken and clung to William for her own comfort. He had been trying to keep things light the last few days, and she knew it was for her sake. But she could tell he was exhausted too, and it would get worse if she kept this up.

“Fine,” she said. “Let’s go.”

They walked up to William’s room, stopping by the reception desk to put Mulder’s name on the permanent visitors list. She had them catalogue him as immediate family, which earned her an odd look, but the receptionist was nice enough not to ask what their relationship was.

When they stepped through the door, William’s face lit up with the first genuine smile she'd seen in days. “Uncle Fox!”

Mulder grinned. “Hey Will,” he said, walking straight over to him and dropping a kiss on his head. “Who gave you permission to call me Fox?” he teased, ruffling his hair.

Will smirked. “I figured I would get away with it because I’m in the hospital,” he said, sounding pleased with himself.

Mulder laughed loudly. “Uh-huh. We’ll talk about that,” he replied, sitting in the chair at his bedside.

They both turned to look at Scully, who was standing near the door watching them. Mulder raised an eyebrow expectantly. She forced a smile and walked to the bed. “Will, I’m going to run home and freshen up.”

“She’s going to take a nap,” Mulder whispered to Will conspiratorially.

She shot an annoyed look at him but softened it slightly when she heard Will giggle. She rolled her eyes at their shenanigans and picked up her purse and coat. “Fine, yes, I’m going to take a nap,” she said. She leaned down and kissed William on the forehead. “I love you, baby. I’ll have my phone. Call me if you need me to come back.”

“Okay Mom,” he said, grabbing her wrist and tapping it three times. "Love you too."

She turned to leave and let her hand fall on Mulder’s shoulder. She squeezed lightly, and he turned to meet her eyes. She gave him a look of thanks, and he nodded slightly in acknowledgement. They could still have entire conversations like this.

She left without another word.

*

When she walked through her front door, she stood in the entryway for a few minutes. She didn’t know what to do first, and she could feel every emotion she’d suppressed in the last few days bubbling up inside her.

She walked up the stairs slowly, passing her room and walking into William’s. She grabbed a stuffed animal off one of his bookshelves and fell into the bed as the first tears began to fall. She curled up into a ball and sobbed, and it felt like hours before she cried herself to sleep.

***

They settled into a routine. Scully would stay overnight at the hospital with William, and Mulder would sleep at their house. He would come back every morning with breakfast and coffee, and then Scully would go home and freshen up between breakfast and lunch. She would bring lunch back with her, and they all stayed at the hospital to suffer through a cafeteria dinner, after which Mulder would leave and it would start all over.

It was just enough to keep everybody’s energy stable, although Scully was still battling her emotions every day when she went home. William was rarely alone, but they were careful not to overwhelm him with attention. Scully brought him a mountain of books and let him watch movies and sleep when he was tired, but she or Mulder were almost always in the room. She still wasn't comfortable leaving him by himself for very long.

She continued to keep Stella at a distance, justifying her behavior by telling herself she needed to focus on William’s recovery. Except she wasn’t actually doing anything, because William just needed time to heal; maybe she just needed time too. When Stella’s name lit up her phone a few days after Mulder arrived, she silenced it immediately. She told herself she’d call Stella the next time she went home, but when she actually got home, she couldn’t do it. She sent a text instead.

She still felt like she was on the edge of a cliff, and one little thing would push her over. She needed to be in a better place before she talked to Stella, so that she didn’t do something she would regret.

***

It had been ten days since William’s accident, and Stella had heard from Scully exactly twice. The first time was unprompted, a text the day after the accident that simply read, _“William doing well. He’ll be in the hospital for a while. Will call when I can. — D.”_ The second was another text a week later after Stella called and got no answer, and it simply relayed that things were fine. She was frustrated, but she was giving Scully the space she wanted. Stella got the impression that something had spooked her, but she reasoned that things probably just needed to calm down with William.

Stella was at the hospital to interview an assault victim in a case she was working. After some internal debate, she decided to check in on William. She wouldn’t go in the room; she just wanted to know that everything was okay. She thought it might ease her mind in the absence of any updates from Scully.

It was easy enough to flag down a nurse and ask for his room number; her badge easily visible on her belt meant nobody would question it. As she neared his room, her heart started to flutter. _What if he’s awake? What if Dana is here?_ She fought the impulse to turn around and leave. She’d deal with it if that happened.

The door to the room was open, and from the hallway she could see that he was alone. The lights were off, so she thought he must be sleeping. Quietly, she moved to stand in the doorway and let her eyes take in the room. It had been decorated to feel like a bedroom—real bedding, framed photos on top of the dresser and table, artwork pasted on the wall. She saw a discarded tablet and earbuds, probably for watching movies and playing games. There were a couple of stuffed animals sitting on the chairs.

She turned to see if she could find a nurse to give her an update on his condition.

“Hello,” said a voice behind her, and she froze.

Her eyes widened and she seriously considered walking away without a word, but she figured that might come off as creepy. “Hi,” she said, turning and giving him what she hoped was a friendly smile.

“Are you looking for my mom?” William’s accent was more British than American, although he definitely still said 'mom'. It was odd to her; she thought of Scully as American, and William too, by extension.

“I—no. I was just checking in on…you,” she said, carefully. She didn’t want Scully to think she was here to force a conversation.

His eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “Who are you?”

“I’m a friend of your mum,” Stella told him. “I didn’t want to bother her, and I was already in the building. I’m sorry—”

“It’s okay,” he said, eyeing her with curiosity. He smiled. “You can come in if you want.”

She frowned at him. “I’m a stranger. What if I’m dangerous?” she asked him seriously.

“The hospital has security,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone. He pointed at her. “And I can see your badge, so you’re a cop, right?”

She just looked at him dumbly.

He tried to sit up and flip the light switch near his bed, which looked dangerously out of reach.

“Let me get that,” she said quickly, walking over and turning it on. “You should stay lying down.”

William rolled his eyes and fell back into bed with a huff. It was a reaction that instantly reminded her of Scully.

Now with the lights on, she was able to take in the casts on his various limbs, the scrapes that were healing along his arms, and the yellowing bruise on his eyebrow.

“That looks painful,” she said, pointing to the bruise.

He reached up to touch it gingerly. “It’s not the worst of it,” he replied. “The hip hurts the most. It’s hard to keep it completely still.”

Stella nodded. Seconds passed and she stood there awkwardly, not knowing what else to say. It felt wrong talking to him without Scully here, especially when she'd just lied about who she was in relation to his mother.

She realized suddenly that she hadn’t actually introduced herself. “I’m Stella.”

“Will,” he replied. “Do you want to sign my cast?”

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise, and she nodded with a smile. He pointed to a cup full of markers, and she picked out a blue one.

“Where shall I sign?”

He pondered the question and then pointed to his leg. “I think I’ll have this one the longest,” he said by way of explanation.

She thought for a moment about what to write. The cast was already littered with signatures and well wishes. “You have a lot of friends,” she observed, stalling.

He laughed, and it was another reminder of Scully. “The nurses and doctors have all signed, I think because they feel bad for Mom. Plus a few friends from school have visited, and their parents all signed too.”

“I see,” she replied. She settled on just leaving her signature. She hoped it wasn’t recognizable enough that Scully would notice. She didn’t want William to have to explain this to her.

She dropped the marker back in the cup.

“I should get going,” she told him after another awkward pause.

He looked at her in confusion. “You don’t want to wait for Mom? She’s just gone to get—”

Stella heard a small intake of breath behind her, and she spun around. Immediately she felt like she’d been caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to be doing, and she was certain it showed on her face when she locked eyes with Scully.

Scully’s face was a mixture of apprehension and anger. “Stella, what are you—”

“I was just in the building for work,” she said quickly. She wouldn’t apologize in front of William, because then Scully might have to explain it to him. “I thought I’d check in on William. I didn’t want to bother you, or him actually. I thought he was asleep.”

Her voice quietly trailed off at the end, and she looked to the floor. “Anyway, I was just saying I should be going. William, it was nice to meet you. I hope you’re able to get back on your feet soon.” She winced when the words left her mouth, realizing that that in fact would not happen anytime soon.

Fearful of making it worse, she walked quickly out of the room as Scully stepped to the side to let her pass. She was halfway down the hall when she heard Scully behind her.

“Stella!”

Stella turned, an apology on the tip of her tongue, but she didn’t get a chance.

“What the hell were you doing in there!?” Scully asked, her words sounding like an accusation.

Stella held her hands up in front of her in surrender. “I didn’t tell him anything, Dana. I told him we were friends and that I was just stopping in to check on him.” She spoke quietly and glanced around, hoping not to draw the attention of the staff.

Scully shook her head. “You had _no_ right.”

Stella was stung by the words. “I just wanted to be sure he was okay, that—”

“You don’t even _know_ him, Stella! Why do you care!?”

Stella eyebrows rose, and she felt anger seeping in among the hurt. “I care about him because I care about _you_ , Dana. And since I didn’t know how you were doing, and you didn’t seem to be in the mood to answer my calls or texts, this felt like the easiest way to figure it out.”

“I told you I was fine,” Scully said softly, cringing slightly at Stella’s tone.

“Yeah, a week ago. I haven’t heard a word from you since. I don’t know what's going on with you—”

Scully’s emotions flared. “My _son_ is in the hospital. He was _hit by a car_ , Stella.” She gestured to William’s room behind her. “THAT is what is going on with me,” she said, her voice exasperated.

“Dana—” Stella started, but Scully wasn’t done.

“If I had _been_ there, if I had picked him up earlier that morning, he would have been _fine_ ,” she said, tears beginning to escape from the corners of her eyes. “He’d be healthy, and happy, and not stuck in a _fucking_ hospital bed right now.”

Stella shook her head and took a step back, her breath caught in her throat. Scully’s words felt like a punch in the chest. So that was it—Scully had decided the reason William had gotten hurt was because she’d been with Stella instead of him. Stella didn't know what was worse, Scully's words or the pain on her face when she said them.

She desperately wanted to correct Scully, to tell her that this reality she’d concocted was twisted and unfair, but she couldn’t be selfish with this. And people were staring now. “I am _sorry_ , Dana,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean to intrude. I never meant to talk to him. And I’m so, _so_ sorry that he was hurt when you were with me.”

Scully let out a small sob, shutting her eyes and covering her mouth. Stella searched her face for a hint that the apology would break the tension between them, but Scully wouldn’t even look at her. After a moment, Stella turned and walked away, unable to wait for something she wasn’t sure was coming. A knot in her chest grew as she realized Scully wasn’t going to stop her, wasn’t even going to try to end this on better terms. She fought tears as she left the hospital.


	16. Chapter 16

Scully flinched when someone grabbed her arm lightly, and she turned to find Mulder standing there. She wiped away the tears and took a deep breath to compose herself, but she knew it was too late to hide this from him.

“Who was that?” he asked quietly.

She glanced around, noticing the attention she’d drawn as people averted their eyes. When she looked back at Mulder, she saw confusion on his face. He’d probably witnessed the entire exchange. “That was Stella, my girlfriend.”

Mulder’s eyebrows raised slightly and looked behind her to where Stella was just a moment ago.

Scully rubbed her hand down her face. “William doesn’t know. It’s…new.” Not wanting to have this conversation with him right now, she walked back toward the room.

She heard Mulder follow her. “Scully, wait!”

They walked into the hospital room. “Mom, what—”

Mulder cut him off. “Will, your mom and I are going to get some coffee. Okay?”

His brows tensed but all he said was, “Yeah, sure.”

“No. I’m not—”

He laid a hand on her arm. “I’m not asking,” he said softly.

They exchanged a look, and she saw that there was only sincere concern on his face.

She let out a frustrated sigh. “Fine. Will, we’ll be back. Do you want anything from the cafeteria?”

He shook his head, his eyes confused. She knew he had questions, but she would wait to answer them until after they came back. She was still too on edge.

“Okay. I have my phone,” she reminded him.

He nodded. “Okay.”

***

She followed Mulder downstairs, and neither spoke as they waited in line for coffee and found a table. They sat awkwardly for a few minutes until Mulder broke the silence.

“Why were you yelling at her in the hallway?” he asked.

“I wasn’t yelling, Mulder,” she said, immediately defensive even though his voice was devoid of judgment.

He leaned back. “Okay, why are you upset then?”

“I just—” She ran a hand through her hair. “I walked into Will’s room and she was there with him. We haven’t talked about how or when they would meet, and it surprised me. I didn’t know she was coming.”

“So, you were protecting him,” he said carefully. “Did she tell him anything?”

Scully shook her head. “No. She wouldn’t do that.”

“I don’t get it, then. Why are you so upset?”

She rubbed her eyes. She didn’t even know why she’d reacted the way she had. She thought for a moment. “When I got the call about William, I was with her. We were…sleeping,” she said slowly, avoiding his gaze.

He nodded but didn’t say anything. Her answer wasn’t an answer.

“She came to the hospital and sat with me while he was in surgery,” she continued. “It took hours. And all I could think about while we were sitting there was that if I’d picked him up an hour earlier, he wouldn’t have been on that bike. If I had been with him, he would be fine right now.” Her voice broke slightly on the last sentence, and she took a sip of coffee to cover it.

“You mean if you hadn’t been with her?” he clarified.

She didn’t say anything.

Mulder rubbed at the day-old beard on his chin, digesting her words. “Scully, you don’t know that,” he said after a minute.

She looked away, shaking her head slightly. “Stella and I have been dating for a little over two months. I’ve barely spent any time with him. If I’d lost him…”

He leaned forward. “You didn’t lose him. And it was an accident. It could have happened at any time, with you or me there.”

She met his eyes. “He is my… _our_ miracle, Mulder. I should have been more careful. I shouldn’t have left him alone with—”

“Scully listen to me,” he said, reaching out a hand and taking hers. “You and I, everything we went through…it conditioned us to believe that everything that happens to us has some nefarious meaning behind it. That there is some force pulling the strings, some man behind the curtain that we always need to be prepared to fight back against.”

She tensed at the mention of the conspiracies that had ruled their lives for more than a decade.

“And over time, we made ourselves smaller and built walls around what was most precious in our lives to stop those forces from winning.” He tilted his head and his face softened. “But what happened to William _wasn’t_ some evil man enacting a grand plan. It was an accident—a random, upsetting, unavoidable accident. There’s no meaning to be extrapolated from it, no hidden message chastising you for the decisions you’ve been making in your life. It’s just something that happened _._ ”

A tear rolled down her cheek, and she wiped it away. She took a shaky breath. “I know that,” she said. “It just made me think about my priorities.”

He shook his head. “No, it made you fall back into those over-protective habits that you formed a long time ago. And don’t get me wrong, they were very warranted at the time. But you can’t protect him from everything. Locking him and yourself away and not living your lives isn’t a solution.”

“William and I were doing fine,” she replied, pulling her hand away from him. ‘ _Before Stella’_ was what she didn’t say aloud.

“Does Stella make you happy, Scully?” he asked quietly.

She looked down and fidgeted with her coffee cup, avoiding his gaze.

“I think she makes you happy. Because you haven’t dated anyone since…” He didn’t finish the thought, but she knew what he wasn’t saying. _Since me._ “You deserve to have someone in your life. Someone to take care of you, and love you, and make you feel less alone. If that’s what you have with her, don’t walk away from it. Take it from somebody who had that and lost it, you will regret it Scully.”

Her eyes shot up and met his. “Mulder…” she whispered.

He shook his head, letting her know his comment wasn’t an attempt to dredge up their past. He simply wanted her to understand.

She released a breath and looked back down at her hands. “What I said in the hallway…I hurt her,” she said softly.

“Then you apologize.”

She shook her head. “It won’t be that easy.”

“It rarely is,” he admitted.

***

Scully walked into William’s room after pulling herself together in the hallway. Mulder had gone in search of dinner, declaring he was tired of the hospital room service menu. She suspected he wanted to give her some space.

“I brought you some Jell-O!” she said to William with fake enthusiasm.

He watched her, immediately seeing through her act.

“Stella is nice,” he said after a moment, probing her mood. It was easy enough for him to make the connection—everything that was happening right now had something to do with Stella.

“She’s very nice,” Scully replied.

She sat down in the chair beside his bed. She didn’t know how to talk to him about her, but she also didn’t have it in her to change the subject.

“She signed my leg,” he continued, pointing to an illegible blue signature.

She leaned forward to look, running her fingers along the cast where Stella’s name was. She remembered the signature from the hospital forms Stella had signed on the night they’d met, although she wasn’t sure she would have recognized it if William hadn’t pointed it out. She felt her eyes water.

“Mom, are you—”

“I just realized I forgot to bring you a spoon,” she said, standing up again. She couldn’t force even a modicum of enthusiasm this time. “I’ll be right back.”

Once in the hallway, the tears came again. She sunk into one of the chairs, her head falling into her hands.

It hit her all of the sudden, how much she missed Stella _._ Even with Mulder here, she’d been feeling alone, and she knew that Stella was the only person that could fix that. But she’d been horrible to her. She let herself get carried away by the guilt that had consumed her for the past couple of weeks, and now all she could think about was the look on Stella’s face when she’d said the words out loud.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed Stella’s number. After two rings, it went to voicemail. She wasn’t surprised Stella had rejected the call, but it worried her.

“Hey Stella, it’s me. Dana. I—I’m sorry for the way I acted toward you at the hospital. It was inexcusable, regardless of what I’ve been dealing with. _Please_ come back, and we can talk. Or just—call me back, okay? I don’t want to leave things like this between us.”

She hung up the phone. She hoped Stella wouldn’t shut her out. She hoped this wasn’t unforgivable.

***

Four days passed, as did three missed (rejected) calls from Scully. Stella threw herself into the assault case she was working and solved it, and then she threw herself into a new case. She spent almost no time at her house, only returning to pick up clean clothes and open her mail. She spent her free time at the pool and evenings at her office. Stella was a master at avoidance.

When Saturday arrived and was devoid of any real work to do, she found thoughts of Scully to be overwhelming. She was still feeling hurt by the revelation that Scully had been blaming their relationship for William’s accident. It felt like Scully was blaming her.

She couldn’t bring herself to return Scully’s messages of apology. She had already given Scully so much of herself, a feat that had been uncomfortable and painful at times. She’d put her trust in their relationship, and it had failed her at the first test. Everything that had happened since the accident confirmed her greatest fears and coming back from this seemed too hard.

Unable to avoid her any longer, and unwilling to block her phone number, Stella finally answered the phone on Saturday afternoon.

“Hi,” she said tersely.

“Stella,” Scully breathed in relief. “I thought you were never going to talk to me again.”

Stella remained silent. Having seriously considered that option, she didn’t think she should respond.

“I’m so sorry, Stella. I never should have said what I said to you at the hospital. I was feeling out of control, and that was the only way I knew how to react. But it was wrong to link…to blame our relationship for what happened. And I know I can’t unsay it, but I am sorry.” The words left Scully’s mouth in a rush, as if it was a speech that she had been rehearsing all week.

Stella again didn’t respond; she didn’t know how to make herself believe what Scully was saying.

“Stella—?”

“Dana, I know that you were hurting when you said those things. I don’t hold them against you,” she said, her voice slightly cold. She wasn’t going to get out of this with at least accepting the apology, even if she didn’t know what to do with it. “But I think we should…take a break. You need to focus on William, and I—”

Scully’s response was frantic. “No, that’s not what I want. I’m sorry for what I said and that I pushed you away, but—” Her voice took on an air of desperation. Stella cringed at the thought of Scully’s face as she said the words, undoubtedly set in a look of panic.

“It’s too much, Dana,” Stella said, interrupting her. She chose the words that she knew would have the most impact, the ones that referenced the promise she’d made back in September, what felt like a lifetime ago.

“Stella,” Scully whispered. “ _Please_ don’t.”

Stella could tell that she wanted to fight it, but she had a promise to keep too. _I promise to back off, I won’t question it._

They sat silently for a minute, and it was painful.

“I have to go,” Stella said suddenly, even though she didn’t. She couldn’t have this conversation anymore. She didn’t want to know how hard Scully was willing to fight for her. She was too vulnerable.

“Okay,” Scully said weakly with resignation.

“Goodbye, Dana.” She hung up the phone before Scully could respond.

It took only seconds for the tears to come, as if Stella’s body was rejecting her decision. She felt incredible sadness at this ending, even though she was the one that made the choice. Mostly she felt angry—at being in this situation, at feeling like she had to end it, at the fact that she was sad.

Pushing down her emotions, she wiped the tears away. _It’ll just take time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine you're all right about here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31g0YE61PLQ
> 
> That's where I was when I finished writing it. 
> 
> I'm sorry I posted it on Valentine's Day. 😬 Please don't stop reading.


	17. Chapter 17

Another week passed, and Stella remained miserable. She’d caught another case, at least, which allowed for some distraction. But in every quiet moment, her thoughts defiantly turned to Scully.

Her mind didn’t know how to reconcile the sadness with the anger and hurt she felt at the way Scully had treated her. The way Stella had ended things had offered no closure, and she was longing for just one more conversation, one more opportunity to either fix things or break them for good. But she didn’t think she’d be able to handle it if that conversation ended badly.

She continued to throw herself into work, and she was back at the hospital to interview a witness. It was the last place she wanted to be; somehow this hospital had become synonymous with Scully in her mind. As she walked through the halls, memories played out in her head on a loop. It was bad enough that she felt like she wasn’t fully there, which is probably why she made the mistake of walking past his room.

“Stella!”

She froze. She knew exactly who had called her name, and she wondered if she could pretend that she hadn’t heard it. But surprisingly, she found she didn’t want to. She was longing for Scully, and here was her son. It wasn’t the same, but maybe it would provide at least some relief.

She turned around and stepped into the doorway.

“Hello, William.” She smiled at him, hoping that her emotions weren’t all over her face.

“Hi! What are you doing here?” he asked.

“Work. What are you doing here!?” she responded teasingly.

He smiled widely and rolled his eyes. “Come, sit!”

She hesitated. She didn’t want to get caught by Scully again. She didn’t think she’d be reprimanded this time, but she didn’t want Scully to misinterpret her presence as an attempt to have a conversation.

William seemed to read her thoughts. “She’s working today. She won’t be around until lunch time.”

Stella raised her eyebrows at him. She wondered how much he knew, whether Scully had explained anything. She’d figured probably not, but he obviously sensed something. She walked over to sit in the chair beside his bed.

“What are you up to today?” she asked. She saw that he’d gotten the cast on his arm removed, which seemed like a good sign that he was healing well.

He groaned. “Nothing. It’s so boring here. Worse now that Mom is back at work and Uncle Mulder is gone.”

Her brow knit in confusion. “Mulder was here?”

“Yeah, Mom called him, so he came and stayed until she had to go back to work. I think she was feeling overwhelmed.”

She cringed. The fact that Scully had reached out to him while pushing her away grated against an already open wound.

“You know Uncle Mulder?” he asked curiously.

She shook her head. “I just know of him,” she said. She changed the subject. “Are you missing school?”

He shrugged. “I guess. They’re letting me do a few things online, but it’s not the same.”

“Which subject do you like the most?”

He took a moment to think before answering, “Science or literature. But I mostly miss football. And swimming.” His face fell as he looked down at his leg. “Although I probably won't be doing that anymore.”

She looked at him with sympathy. “You’ll get back to it. I heard you’re healing quickly, and you get to go home soon. You already got one cast off.”

“Yeah.” He looked unsure.

“I swim, too,” she offered after a beat. “It’s a good exercise for when you’re injured. You’ll probably get to go back in the pool sooner than you think.”

He perked up. “Do you swim in competitions?” he asked.

She laughed. “No, I just do it for exercise. I swim pretty much every day. It’s very…calming.”

He nodded, smiling slightly. “That’s why I like it too.”

The conversation lulled and she looked at her watch. It was almost eleven, and she didn’t want to risk running into Scully. “I should go,” she said, moving to stand.

“Are you and Mom having a fight?” he asked abruptly.

She went silent, sinking back into the chair. The question stung. She didn’t know how to explain it to him, and she couldn’t lie. “Sort of…” she hedged.

William nodded as if she’d confirmed a diagnosis.

“How did you know?” Stella asked, curious.

“She was upset after you showed up last time. It was like she was mad that you were here when she saw you. But then she’s been really sad since you left.” He looked down at his hands, obviously uncomfortable with his mother’s discomfort.

She didn’t like that he was feeling the effects of what was going on between her and Scully. She thought there would be enough distance between their relationship and his reality, but obviously she was wrong. She wondered about all the little ways his life had changed since she and Scully had begun dating.

She leaned in, resting her elbows on the bed and a hand on his arm. “Sometimes people who care a lot about each other fight. And sometimes it’s best to give each other some space when that happens. Your mum has been really worried about you; she doesn’t need to be distracted by the silly disagreement that we had. I think she was just mad because she didn’t expect to see me here.”

He looked at her, his eyes hesitant. “Mom says whenever I have a fight with a friend, I should apologize. Did she apologize?”

Stella winced. “She did. And I’m very grateful that she did. But I think we still need some time apart.”

He sighed. “Do people ever have a fight that’s too big to get over?” he asked softly.

“Sometimes,” she said. “Sometimes people just…lose each other.”

William looked up at her with concern. “Did you and Mom lose each other?”

She felt tears prick at the back of her eyes, and she did everything she could to stop them from falling.

“I don’t know,” she said, failing to keep the emotion out of her voice.

He shook his head, as if the answer was unacceptable. “She can’t lose you.”

She searched his face. _How much did he understand?_

***

Scully stabbed a fork into the salad, exhaustion feeding her emotions. She wasn’t enjoying work, constantly distracted by everything else that was going on in her life. The only respite was being able to come see William on her breaks.

“Mom?”

“Hm?”

She stabbed the salad again.

“Stella was here today.” He watched her reaction closely.

She paused briefly, fighting to keep her face neutral. “Oh yeah?”

“Are you guys fighting?”

“No,” she lied quickly.

_Or maybe it's not a lie if things are over._ She pushed the thought away quickly.

“She said you are.”

Scully’s eyebrows shot up and she looked up at him. “Did she?”

William plowed on, clearly working an agenda. “Did you apologize?”

“William…” she said, her tone a warning. Her emotions were already too close to the surface and she didn’t want to deal with his questioning when he didn’t have all the facts.

“Because she said you apologized, but she also said you still needed space from each other, so maybe you need to apologize again.”

She sighed, feeling like she was having the conversation with Mulder all over again. “It’s not that easy, Will.”

He sat silently for a moment. “She said that sometimes friends lose each other and maybe that’s what happened with you.”

She put the salad down slowly. That was quite a statement, and it made her wonder just how far the conversation between them had gotten. “Will, why were you talking to Stella about our fight? Actually, why were you talking to Stella at all?”

He looked away sheepishly. “She was here for work again. I was the one who brought it up.”

“Why?” She didn’t even know how he knew they were fighting. He’d witnessed exactly one thirty second interaction between them.

“Because you’ve been upset since the day she visited.”

Scully didn’t know how to respond to that, except to confirm it with a nod. He was always eerily attuned to her moods, but it wasn’t very often he commented on them.

“Mom, you need to make up with her,” he declared.

“I don’t think she wants to, Will,” she said softly. She picked up her salad and stabbed it again.

“She does, Mom. She was really sad. And she said she cares about you.” His tone was insistent.

She looked at William uncertainly. He knew how to read a room, but she didn’t want to get her hopes up. She had spent the last week convincing herself that she and Stella were over. And he didn’t really know what he was talking about—he was eleven.

“Do you care about her?”

She stopped breathing, the question catching her off guard. She forced a sigh and looked down at her salad. “Of course, baby,” she said softly, although she knew that didn’t really come close to describing how she felt about Stella.

“Then you have to try.”

The finality in his voice broke her heart.

***

Stella had been swimming for an hour. Her muscles were burning, and she was exhausted. But she didn’t want to stop. Stopping meant going home and going home meant being alone with her thoughts. She couldn’t be alone with her thoughts anymore.

It was Saturday again, and she didn’t have a case. There was no paperwork to pretend to do at work. She’d cleaned her house completely. And now she had run herself out of energy for exercise. She’d been swimming so much the past few weeks that her legs constantly felt like jelly.

The visit to William had only made things worse. She’d thought fleetingly about going to a bar that night to find someone to have sex with, but she didn't want to. More than once she'd picked up the phone to call Scully, only to put it down again when the words she'd said to her in the hospital played again in her mind. There was nothing to do but wait it out, let herself feel the pain and try to push through it.

She pulled herself out of the pool and toweled off. She took her time rinsing off in the shower and changing back into her sweats. She checked her phone and was frustrated when it showed that it was only 8:30am. And then she went home.

She dropped her workout bag by the door and walked slowly into the kitchen. She made a cup of tea and brought it to the living room, where she sat on the couch under a blanket. And when the thoughts came back, she laid down under the blanket and let the tears fall.

***

She knocked three times on Stella’s front door. She’d waited until the weekend, hoping to catch Stella at home without warning.

After her conversation with William, Scully thought hard about if she wanted to try and talk to Stella again. She wasn’t even sure their relationship had officially ended, even if she had spent the week convincing herself it was over. But she decided that she owed it to herself and William to try one more time. She was the one that had fucked things up, and she had to try and fix it. Plus, there were things left unsaid and she knew she would always regret it if she didn’t say them.

The door opened slowly. Stella looked exhausted and her eyes were rimmed red. Her hair was far from the prefect curls she normally wore, and she was in loose sweats and slippers. _And she is still beautiful._

“Hi,” Scully said, tentatively. She didn’t move, rooted to the spot for fear that Stella would send her away.

“What are you doing here?” Stella didn’t sound angry, just tired.

“We need to talk,” Scully said, gathering enough confidence to walk through the door without an invitation.

“Dana, there’s nothing to talk—,” Stella started to say.

“Fine. Then I need to talk.” Scully would make this a speech instead of a conversation if she had to. She wasn’t going to leave without saying what she came here to say.

Stella looked at her wearily. With resignation, she shut the front door and walked toward her living room.

Scully followed. Stella sunk back into the couch, where she’d been for the last few hours. Scully remained standing, too anxious to sit.

“I want to start by apologizing,” she said. She’d debated how to start and decided that this was the safest and most honest place. “What I said to you was unacceptable. I’m sorry that I pushed you away and I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

Stella sighed. “You already apologized.”

Scully nodded. “I know, but that apology bears repeating in person.”

Stella only stared at her.

Slightly fazed by the lack of response, Scully continued carefully. “The other reason I came was to tell you that I miss you.”

Stella’s eyebrows rose. “You…miss me,” she repeated slowly.

“Yes, I—”

Stella shook her head and voiced a warning. “Dana…”

“Stella, please just listen.” Scully waited, her arms falling to her sides as her confidence deflated a little.

“Fine, go ahead,” Stella said, settling back into the couch and crossing her arms.

“I miss you,” she began again, softly. “And it’s…infuriating because for so long, I was used to being alone. Not actually alone, because of William, but I had accepted the solitude of being a single parent. And it wasn’t heartbreaking or painful or unbearable. It just was.”

Stella continued to sit in silence, watching her closely, still guarded.

“But then, I met you. This stubborn, selfish, fierce woman who understands me like few others in my life ever have. And it was like you reminded me that it didn’t have to be that way. You made me feel safe and cared for. I have spent so much time trying to give that to William, I had forgotten how much I needed it for myself.”

Their eyes locked. Scully watched as emotions moved across Stella’s face, but still she said nothing.

Scully moved to sit on the coffee table in front of her but refrained from reaching out. “After William’s accident, that all went away. That was my fault, and I know I deserved it because of how I treated you. But for the first time I noticed that there was a gaping hole in my life. In just a few months, you changed everything, and when you left, I missed you _so much_. And now the loneliness feels…painful.”

Stella stood up suddenly and put some distance between them. “Dana, this isn’t fair. You pushed me away. You put the blame on this relationship. You called your ex instead of me.”

Scully winced at the mention of Mulder but chose to ignore it. She turned to look at her. “You’re right, and I’m sorry. I was feeling guilty about what happened to William, and in the face of possibly losing him, I blamed myself for choosing to spend so much time away from him in the last two months. And in my mind, that was tied to our relationship. I understand that it was twisted and unfair.”

Stella didn’t reply. She had her arms crossed again, and she wasn’t making eye contact.

Scully sighed. “Stel, I underestimated how difficult it would be to let you in. For so long, I have fought to control which people get close to me and William because it’s the only way I’ve felt safe. It’s how I’ve convinced myself that William is safe. But being with you meant I had to give William a little more freedom and trust others with his wellbeing. When the accident happened, my instinct was to take control of everything again and hold onto it tightly, but that came at the expense of closing myself back off to the world. To you.”

“Then why are you here?” Stella asked, exasperated and angry. “If being with me feels like such a threat, Dana, _why are you here_?”

“Because I’m in love with you.”

Scully watched as the words hit Stella, and she let them sink in before continuing. “The last time I was in love with someone, I waited seven years to tell them and then I let them walk away. I’m not making that mistake again.”

She stood and took a step toward her. “Stella, I spent more than a decade of my life looking over my shoulder and imagining that everything was a threat, and it was damaging. That’s an excuse, I know, but it is why I acted the way that I did. It is a symptom of my past. And just like on our first date, when you told me you couldn’t make any promises, I cannot guarantee that it won’t happen again. But I am asking you for another chance. Please.”

Stella was staring at her, eyes brimming with tears and hands clenched at her sides.

“Say it again,” she whispered.

“Say what again?” But Scully already knew.

Stella’s voice turned into a plea. “Dana…”

Scully’s face softened. “I love you, Stella.”


	18. Chapter 18

Her immediate thought was that she couldn’t remember the last time someone had told her they loved her. Maybe because nobody had ever said that to her, at least not in the genuine way Scully had just voiced it. Of course, people had said it before—normally in bed after a particularly good round of sex or in a confession meant to coerce her into committing to a relationship.

But Scully had said it in such a matter-of-fact tone, like it was obvious all along and just needed pointing out. Like it was an inevitability.

Stella slowly dropped her hands to her sides and forced herself to breathe. Scully was still talking, still apologizing, but she wasn’t listening. She needed to hear it again, because it didn’t feel real.

“Say it again,” she whispered when Scully finished.

“Say what again?”

“Dana…” She was pleading, but she didn’t care.

Scully’s face softened. “I love you, Stella.”

She shut her eyes as the words washed over her. She felt tears fall onto her cheeks, and with them the pain fell away. She took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay,” she said softly, opening her eyes again and meeting Scully’s.

And with two steps, she closed the distance between them and kissed Scully with everything she had, pouring all of her hurt and anger into it. She entangled her fingers in Scully’s hair and pressed herself up against her, wanting to feel her and reassure herself that this was reality. Scully circled her arms around Stella’s waist and pulled her in closer. She kissed her back with the same intensity, but hers was borne of love and an apology. And Stella felt it everywhere.

When she needed to breathe, she broke away and leaned her forehead against Scully’s. “Okay,” she said again. And then she pulled Scully in for a tight hug, wrapping her arms around her neck and burying her face in her hair.

“I’m so sorry, Stella,” Scully whispered.

“I know,” she said, pulling away again. She reached up and wiped a tear off Scully’s cheek with her thumb. “I know, Dana.”

She took her hand and led her to the couch. They sat down, Stella in the corner and Scully immediately next to her. She pulled Scully’s legs across her lap so that they were nearly on top of each other, still needing to feel as close to her as possible.

They sat quietly like that for a few minutes, Stella taking some time to sort through her thoughts. Even though everything else had faded, the fear remained. She was terrified that she would end up back here, in as much or more pain. They couldn’t continue like this, with a pseudo no-strings-attached relationship, because it would set them both up for heartbreak. Stella had set the precedent for no promises, and now she needed to fix that.

She held one of Scully’s hands tightly between hers, her thumbs stroking her knuckles. When she finally spoke, it came out roughly. “You can’t do that to me again. You cannot shut me out like that without warning. I won’t be able to handle it.” Her voice cracked slightly when she said the last sentence.

“I know,” Scully replied, dropping a kiss on Stella’s shoulder—another apology. “It won’t happen again, Stella.”

Stella turned to face her. “Things need to change. This arrangement where we don't promise each other anything—we need to get rid of it. The second I asked you to be my girlfriend, that should have come with expectations from both of us.”

Scully pressed her lips together, nodding. She shifted slightly and gave Stella’s hand a squeeze. “Tell me what you want,” she offered.

Stella took a breath. “I want—,” she began, stalling when the fear hit her. She bit her lip, pushing it away. “I want all of you, not just pieces. I want you to let me in, Dana. Into your life and William’s. I know you said it’s difficult, and I know that when we started this, it wasn’t something I wanted. But things have changed and keeping this away from William isn’t working. It’s bad for all of us.”

“I agree,” Scully said softly. She looked down at their hands, unsure of how to articulate a response.

Stella took her silence as hesitation. “If you need time to think about—”

Scully’s eyes shot up. “Stel, no. That’s not it at all.” She brought her hand up and stroked a finger along Stella’s jawline, prompting Stella to meet her eyes. “If you want us, we are all yours. I am _all_ yours.”

Stella’s eyes watered, and she leaned into Scully’s hand. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Scully nodded. “But I need something from you too.”

Stella looked at her expectantly, waiting.

“That deal we made, where you’re allowed to tell me when it’s too much, and I back off without question. That goes away,” she said. “I’m not letting you go that easily. I won’t be able to, and it wouldn’t be fair to William.”

Stella took Scully’s hand from her cheek and squeezed it. “I’m not going anywhere,” Stella assured her. “But, for the sake of this conversation, I agree.”

“Good,” Scully said. She leaned her head down to rest on Stella’s shoulder.

“How do you want to tell William?” Stella asked softly.

Scully took Stella’s hand, tracing her thumbs along the lines on her palm. “I’ll tell him alone. I actually suspect he may already know, but I want him to feel like he has the space to ask questions or have feelings about it.”

Stella nodded. “That makes sense.”

“But I want to do it soon,” she said, sitting up and meeting Stella’s eyes. “If you’re okay with that.”

“Absolutely,” Stella replied with a small smile.

Scully returned it with one of her own. “I think he’s quite enamored with you.”

Stella raised an eyebrow. “Is he?”

“It makes sense,” she said, shrugging. “He’s a brilliant judge of character.”

Stella shot her an amused look but didn’t respond.

Scully squeezed her hand. “Is there anything else you want?”

Stella thought for a moment and shook her head. She pulled Scully over so that she was straddling her lap, and her hand came up to settle on her cheek. “Just you.”

Scully smiled warmly and leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips. She lingered but didn’t deepen it, and when she pulled back, she looked apologetic. “I have to go,” she said carefully. “But you should come with me.”

Stella’s brow knit in confusion. “What, why?”

“William comes home from the hospital today,” she explained with an excited smile.

“That’s great,” Stella said, matching her smile and squeezing Scully’s hips for emphasis. “But I need to shower. I look…” She glanced down, letting her current state explain itself.

“I can wait,” Scully insisted. “William’s nervous about going home. I think he’d like seeing you, and it would probably be a good distraction.”

Stella bit her lip and thought for a moment. She was exhausted, but she wanted to be with Scully. She was tired of spending time alone. “Okay,” she said. “But you need to make coffee while I shower.”

Scully laughed. “I can do that,” she said, and she leaned down and kissed her again.

***

“Why is he nervous to go home?” Stella asked, sipping her coffee in the passenger seat. They were driving to the hospital in Scully’s car.

She frowned. “I’m not sure. He won’t really talk about it. Ever since they told us when he’d be able to go home, he hasn’t seemed very excited to leave the hospital. I thought it might be because I won’t be able to come see him during my breaks at work, but…” Her voice trailed off and she shrugged.

They pulled into the parking lot and found a spot as close to the entrance as possible. As they walked toward the door, Scully grabbed Stella’s hand and gave it a squeeze before releasing it again. It was a reminder: as long as William didn’t know about them, they had to act like they were friends.

When they reached his room, Scully went through the door first, and when Stella followed, she lingered in the background.

“Hey Will,” Scully said, walking to the bed and bending down to kiss him on the top of his head. He grabbed her hand and tapped three times, but his attention was on the blonde by the door.

A wide smile broke out on his face. “Stella!”

“Hi William,” she said, taking a couple steps into the room. “I heard you were breaking out of here today, so I thought I’d come celebrate with you.”

Scully winked at her with a grateful smile, her hand brushing gently through William’s hair.

A doctor leaned through the doorway, interrupting them. “Dr. Scully, I have some discharge instructions to go over with you and paperwork you need to sign.”

She nodded and glanced down at William. “I’ll be right back, baby.” She walked out, giving Stella’s arm a small squeeze as she passed her.

Stella went over and sat down in the chair beside his bed.

He was beaming at her. “She apologized again, didn’t she?”

She shot him an amused look. “She did. I suppose I have you to thank for that?”

He giggled but didn’t say anything.

“Are you excited about going home?” she asked.

His face fell slightly. “Yeah,” he said, but he looked anxious.

She poked him. “You don’t sound excited,” she prompted.

He looked at the doorway, as if watching for Scully. “I think she feels better when I’m in the hospital. That way, she knows I’m being monitored, and she can get to me quickly if something happens,” he said. He turned to her. “She’ll be stressed when I’m at home.”

Stella nodded. It made sense why he didn’t tell Scully about this. She thought back to the last conversation she’d had with him, and his comment about Scully losing her. It seemed that he’d taken on the burden of protecting her—undoubtedly a consequence of it being just the two of them for so long.

She leaned forward and rested a hand on his arm. “Why don’t you let me worry about her for a while, and you focus on getting better. Okay?”

He looked her over, as if assessing whether she was up to the task. After a moment, he nodded. “Okay,” he agreed softly.

Scully came back a few seconds after Stella pulled her hand away, none the wiser to their conversation. William was still looking at her, so she gave him a reassuring smile.

“We are ready to go,” Scully declared, a nurse following her through the door with a wheelchair. “You ready Will?”

He nodded, looking a little calmer at the prospect of leaving. The nurse and Scully helped him out of the bed, setting him down slowly in the chair. His only remaining cast was one that ran the length of his right leg, but because of his arm injury, he would only be able to use crutches sparingly.

Scully picked up the last duffle bag, and they made their way downstairs. Multiple nurses and doctors stopped them to say goodbye and pass along well wishes; it slowed their departure, but Scully seemed happy to let William enjoy the moment. After a good twenty minutes, they finally reached the curb and Scully left them to bring the car around.

Stella stood quietly next to William, not comfortable continuing their conversation in front of the nurse that was escorting them out. When she felt his hand grip hers, she looked down and found him looking up at her with a smile. Her breath caught in her throat at the resemblance between him and his mother—something she'd probably never get used to—and she couldn’t help but smile back.

***

Scully walked into the kitchen with a sigh, and Stella handed her a cup of tea. They’d gotten William home and he was upstairs sleeping, worn out from the trip. “Thank you,” Scully said, taking the mug.

Stella noticed she was starting to look exhausted too. She leaned back against the counter. “I should leave. You look like you need a nap.”

Scully shook her head and put down the tea. She walked over to Stella for a hug. “Please don’t.”

Stella didn’t respond as she wrapped her arms around her.

“You said something to him,” Scully said softly, more a statement then a question. “It seemed to help.”

Stella smiled into Scully’s hair. “He’s just worried about you,” she explained. “I told him to let me take care of you for a while. He seemed okay with that.”

Scully pulled back, a surprised look on her face. “He really does know, doesn’t he? That we’re…”

Stella brushed a few pieces of hair from Scully’s eyes. “I don’t know, love. I think he just senses that whatever we are to each other is important.”

Scully nodded, looking away and biting her lip. “I’ll tell him tomorrow,” she declared after a beat.

“Only if you want to," Stella said, pulling her back into her arms. "There’s no pressure from me.”

“I want him to know,” Scully replied.

Stella could feel her fading, so she led her to the couch and they sat down. Stella laid a blanket over both of them. “Sleep, Dana. I’m not going anywhere,” she said, echoing her words from their earlier conversation.

Scully was out in seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today marks one month since I started posting this fic, and I cannot believe the love you all have shown for it. Thank you for all of it - coming back for each chapter, leaving kudos and comments, becoming emotionally invested in these versions of Stella and Scully. It means so much to me, and it has made writing a joy. ❤️
> 
> I have so much more in store for these characters, and I'm really excited to share it with you. But for today, endless thanks from me (and hopefully a satisfying resolution to the breakup story arc 😉)!


	19. Chapter 19

Scully brought a tray of food upstairs to eat with William. While she was asleep, Stella had made them a baked pasta dish for dinner. When Scully insisted that she stay and eat with them, she politely declined. Scully could tell she was exhausted, so she didn’t push her. Instead, she let her go with a promise to call her the next day after she talked to William.

She decided after Stella left that she didn’t want to wait any longer to tell him about their relationship. It suddenly felt as if she’d been keeping this secret for ages, and she needed to know what his reaction was going to be.

She knocked lightly on his door and opened it. He was reading but didn’t seem as engrossed as he normally was in the book. He looked up right away and his face brightened when he saw the food. He set the book aside without marking his place.

“I get to eat in bed?” he asked excitedly. She normally enforced a ‘no food in the bedroom’ rule.

She smiled. “It’s a special occasion,” she told him, setting the tray down on his bedside table. “I think we can save figuring out how to move you up and down the stairs for tomorrow.”

“Deal,” he said, reaching for a plate.

She pulled a chair from the corner of the room up to his bedside, making it feel like they were back in the hospital. She sighed as she sat down; she was relieved to have William home but was anxious about taking care of him on her own and going back to work. It would have been easier to keep him in the hospital. Luckily, Leah was on break from college and had agreed to help out until William was cleared to go back to school. The hope was he would be ready after the holidays.

For now, though, the pressing issue was telling William about Stella.

Scully ate slowly, her nerves eclipsing her appetite. He was shoveling the food in his mouth, as if she hadn’t fed him in days. _Boys,_ she thought.

When he was mostly done, she set aside her still full plate. “William?”

He looked up at her, stuffing the last bite into his mouth. “Hm?”

“I…you know how I’ve been dating for a while?” she asked slowly.

He nodded, focusing on her as he set his plate aside.

“Well, I’ve only been dating one person.” She held her breath and waited for his response.

His eyes scanned her face and he hesitated for a moment before asking, “Stella, right?”

“Yeah,” she breathed. Her heart fluttered as she tried to read him for any indication that he was upset.

But he only smiled. “She’s cool,” he said softly.

Relief flowed through her, and she chuckled as she remembered that that was his only criteria for the person she dated. “Yeah, she is.”

She got up and got into the bed next to him. He leaned into her and she felt him tap her three times on the arm.

“How long have you known?” she asked him, running her fingers gently through his hair.

He shrugged. “I didn’t know for sure until today,” he said. “But when Stella came to see me the second time in the hospital, and she looked just as sad as you did, I think I knew.”

She nodded slightly and kissed him on the top of his head. They sat quietly for a few minutes before he spoke up again. “Mom?”

“Yeah baby?”

“Do you love her?” he asked softly.

She let out a small sigh. “I—yeah I do, Will.”

He turned to look at her, curiosity in his eyes. “Are you going to get married?”

She felt a pang of anxiety at the question; it wasn’t something that she was ready to think about yet. She and Stella had gone through a lot in just two months, and she knew they had a long way to go before marriage was even on the table. But William’s question was innocent, not a demand or a suggestion.

She smiled down at him. “I don’t know. Stella and I haven’t been dating for very long, and we still have a lot to learn about each other,” she said carefully.

He started playing with a loose string on his duvet. “Does she love you?” he asked.

Scully thought about Stella’s response to her declaration earlier that day. She hadn’t said she loved her back, but Scully hadn’t expected her to. She believed that Stella did love her, but she knew what that kind of profession meant to Stella, how difficult it would be. It’s one thing to be told you are loved, and entirely another to admit that you love someone.

“I haven’t asked her. But I think she does. Sometimes it’s hard for people to say it,” she said. She tapped his arm three times—his oft-used replacement for the words—to make her point, and he looked up at her and smiled.

She pulled him in tighter, and the conversation lulled again. She let the silence stretch, wanting to make sure he felt like he could ask questions. She could feel him thinking.

“We should invite her to dinner tomorrow,” he suddenly declared. He looked over at her, smiling. “We could play board games!”

Scully laughed. “Why don’t we give Stella a little bit of time. She was really tired today, and there will be plenty of opportunities to have her over. Okay?”

He deflated slightly. “Okay,” he conceded, the disappointment obvious in his voice.

She rolled her eyes and lifted his chin lightly. “What if we invite her for next weekend?”

“Yeah,” he agreed, his eyes sparkling. “Tell her she can pick which games we play!”

“Okay,” she chuckled, and she hugged him again. She was glad that he was so eager to spend time with Stella, but she also felt apprehensive about it. She didn’t know whether Stella would want to spend time with William, let alone spend time playing board games with him. Scully wondered just how much Stella had been asking for when she made her request to be a part of William’s life that morning.

***

Stella was nervously tapping her fingers against her mug. It held tea, which she’d switched to after three cups of coffee. The caffeine wasn’t helping her anxiety, which she should have foreseen, but it was like a security blanket that she couldn’t go without in the morning. She knew now, though, that the third cup was probably one too many.

She hadn’t slept well, despite all that had been resolved by her conversation with Scully the day before. After a few hours of tossing and turning, she took herself to the pool and swam for an hour. Her pace was slower than normal, her legs exhausted from her week of post-breakup marathon swimming. But she still swam steadily in an effort to quiet her mind. And when that didn’t work, she’d turned to the coffee.

She looked at her phone again. She was willing Scully to call her and tell her how the conversation with William had gone. She didn’t know when Scully was planning to talk to him, but from the moment she left their house yesterday, it had been the only thing on her mind.

She didn’t know how he would react, and Scully hadn’t given her any indication either. It was clear she was nervous about it too. But what Stella hadn’t fully grasped until she was on her way home last night was that William’s acceptance mattered, and she didn’t know what Scully would do if he wasn’t okay with them dating. The idea had left a sick feeling in her stomach all night.

Her phone buzzed with a text. _You awake? – D_

Stella pushed the call button, not bothering to text back. Scully picked up on the second ring.

“I guess that’s a yes,” she chuckled.

Stella bit her lip. “What’d he say?”

“He said you’re cool,” Scully said, and Stella could hear the smile in her voice.

Stella let out a breath. “Is that a good thing?” she asked hesitantly.

Scully laughed. “As far as I can tell, that’s his seal of approval.”

“He wasn’t mad?”

“No, Stel,” she said seriously, finally catching on to the anxiety in Stella’s voice. “He was curious about a couple things, but he seemed to like the idea. And he did already know—or at least, he’d guessed.”

Stella nodded. It made sense. “What was he curious about?” she asked.

“He was just trying to figure out what it meant in the grand scheme of things,” Scully said carefully. “He asked me if I love you, and I told him I do.”

Stella’s throat tightened with emotion at the words. She would never get used to that.

“He wanted to invite you over for dinner tonight,” Scully continued, unaware of Stella’s reaction. “Don’t worry, I think I convinced him to wait on that. You will have to come over sometime soon though. Maybe—”

“Why?” Stella asked, confused.

“Why will you have to come over sometime soon?” Scully asked slowly.

“I—no, why not dinner tonight?”

Scully was quiet for a moment. “You looked exhausted yesterday, and I figured maybe it’d be good for all of us to take a breather. There’s no rush, Stel,” she assured her.

Stella smiled. “Dana, I’ve barely seen you for a month. And the times we did see each other were…not enjoyable. Color me selfish, but dinner tonight sounds like a really good idea.”

“You do know William will be there, right?” Scully asked carefully.

“Uh, yeah, I’m aware of the arrangement,” Stella replied with a laugh.

Scully hesitated. “He wants to…play board games. But I can tell him—”

Stella raised an eyebrow. “Dana,” she interrupted. “I will admit that board games aren’t really my thing, but I am capable of playing them.”

She heard Scully release a breath. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” she replied. “I’m starting to think you don’t really want me to come, though.”

“Of course, I want you to come,” Scully said softly. She was silent for a beat before whispering, “Thank you, Stel.”

Stella felt a wave of emotion at the relief in Scully’s voice. “What time do you want me to come over?” she asked.

***

Scully opened the door to find Stella standing there, once again with flowers and wine. She stepped aside to let her in.

“You do not have to bring flowers every time you come over,” she said with a laugh, taking them from her.

Stella smiled nervously. “I was here yesterday, and I didn’t bring flowers,” she pointed out. She leaned in and kissed Scully on the cheek, her movements a series of hesitations.

Scully rolled her eyes and pulled Stella in for a real kiss. She could feel Stella’s surprise at the gesture, and it took her a moment to relax into it. When Scully swiped her tongue across her bottom lip, Stella tensed again.

Scully broke away and smiled when Stella glanced around anxiously. “He’s immobile on the couch. You don't have to worry about him, Stel,” she said softly.

Stella sighed. “Right,” she said.

“Why are you nervous?” Scully asked patiently.

“I just…I don’t want him to think I’m weird, or boring,” she said. She made a face at the words as she said them. She’d started thinking after hanging up with Scully that morning. She didn’t want William to change his mind, and tonight would be the first test of approval.

Scully smiled at her sympathetically and took her hand, lacing their fingers together. “He already likes you. Just be yourself, and it’ll be fine,” she assured her. She kissed her again lightly.

“Easy for you to say,” Stella mumbled when she pulled away. “He’s obligated to like you. You’re his mum.”

Scully rolled her eyes again. “Okay, now you’re just being dramatic. Come on,” she said, and she pulled her into the living room.


	20. Chapter 20

“Will, look who’s here,” Scully said as she dragged Stella into the living room.

He looked up from the tablet in his hands with a wide smile. “Hi Stella,” he said warmly. He was settled on one end of the couch with his leg propped up on the coffee table.

She smiled back. “Hey William.”

“Do you want a glass of wine?” Scully asked Stella, taking the bottle from her hand.

“Please,” she said softly, shooting Scully a grateful look; wine would help calm her down. Scully nodded and went to the kitchen.

Stella turned to William. “I heard we’re playing board games tonight,” she said.

He nodded excitedly and pointed to a door in the corner. “They’re in the closet. You can choose!”

Stella raised an eyebrow and walked over and opened the door, taking in the floor to ceiling shelving that was full of games. A few she knew by name alone, but she had only ever played one of them, and she didn’t think chess was an ideal option for game night.

She leaned around the door and looked at William. “Um…I am not a good authority on board games. I might need help,” she told him.

"Okay," he said with a laugh. Scully walked back into the room with two glasses of wine. “Mom, can you help Stella choose a game?”

She set down the drinks on one of the end tables. “Sure,” she said.

She walked up behind Stella and looked over her shoulder at the options. Stella suddenly became acutely aware of her breath tickling her ear, and she jumped slightly when Scully rested a hand on her hip. Scully caught her eye, and Stella saw a playful twinkle there. She was doing this on purpose.

“Why don’t we play Clue?” she suggested, smirking at Stella as she pulled it off the shelf. “Stella’s a detective. She’ll probably be good at it.”

Stella narrowed her eyes and returned Scully's smirk with one of her own. “You’ll have to teach me the rules,” she said, walking back toward the couch.

“You’ve never played Clue?!” William asked incredulously. Stella heard Scully chuckle quietly as she followed her from the closet.

“I have not,” Stella admitted. She thought about all the games in the closet she didn’t recognize and added, “Although I have heard of it.”

“It’s a murder mystery,” he explained. “You have to figure out who committed the crime by slowly ruling out all the suspects and weapons that weren’t involved.”

"That does sound familiar," she teased, eliciting a laugh from both William and Scully.

Scully set up the game as William recited the rules and listed the characters, weapons, and rooms on the board. Stella listened carefully, nodding and occasionally asking clarifying questions. She took a place on the floor on the opposite side of the coffee table from William and was surprised when Scully sat next to her.

She found it remarkably easy to relax as they played the game, and it was only partially because of the wine. Both William and Scully were competitive, so Stella didn’t feel uncomfortable letting that part of herself show. And the game was mostly one of chance, so Stella wasn't at a disadvantage because of skill. Scully did, however, seem amused when Stella mumbled in frustration about how ‘detectives would never just accuse suspects to rule them out’ when yet another one of her guesses proved not to be fruitful.

It also got less jarring each time Scully touched her, and she soon found herself welcoming the contact. It was, after all, one of the reasons she’d come here tonight, and the awkwardness she felt about being around William faded with each passing minute. By the time the game ended, Scully’s hand had stationed itself on Stella’s lower back and was tracing small circles there.

“Mr. Green in the lounge with a knife,” declared William. Scully and Stella both shook their heads, having no cards in their hands to refute his claim. Scully opened the small envelope in the center of the board and laid the cards down face up, matching William’s guess. “Yes!” he exclaimed, pumping his fist.

Stella and Scully simultaneously rolled their eyes, and Scully fell forward onto the table dramatically with a groan as William giggled. Stella smiled at the sight, an unfamiliar but not unwelcome warmth filling her.

*

Dinner was build-your-own taco salad, which William declared was one of his favorites. He spent the meal asking Stella a litany of questions about being a detective, mostly trying to ascertain how accurate television shows were in depicting her profession. Stella tried to deftly answer the questions without getting into the morbid details. Unfortunately, William had other ideas.

“Have you ever seen a dead body?” he asked curiously.

Stella looked at Scully, who just shrugged. “I—yeah, I have,” she said carefully.

He took a bite of salad. “Was it gross?” he asked with a mouth full of food.

“Will, please chew and swallow before you talk,” Scully admonished as Stella suppressed a smile.

“Um…yeah it was gross. Also, sad,” she answered.

He nodded thoughtfully and then asked if he could have another helping. Scully picked up his plate, and Stella followed her into the kitchen to refill their wine.

She turned to Scully. “He does know that you worked for the FBI in an investigative capacity for nearly a decade, right?” she asked, slightly confused by William's intense interest in this line of questioning.

Scully laughed. “He does, but we don’t really talk about it. I think Mulder has painted our former careers as something much different than detective work,” she explained. “Mulder tends to focus on the more…paranormal aspects of the job.”

Stella raised an eyebrow and nodded. She wondered just how much of Scully’s time with the FBI she’d been holding back and made a mental note to ask her later.

When they returned to the table, William continued his interrogation until Scully cut him off when he asked if Stella had ever shot anyone and Stella visibly flinched.

“Okay Will, I think that’s one question too far,” Scully said, shooting an apologetic look at Stella.

Her reaction didn’t go unnoticed by William either. “Sorry,” he said, looking slightly ashamed.

Stella composed herself. She shook her head and rested a hand on his arm, prompting him to look at her. “It’s okay. It’s just not a very easy topic to talk about,” she said softly.

Scully stood up suddenly and started to gather their dishes.

“Dana, let me,” Stella said. “I’ll take these in, and you can help William back to the couch.”

*

She was rinsing the dishes when she felt Scully come up behind her and wrap her arms around her waist. She shut off the water and dried her hands on a dish towel.

“I’m sorry about his question,” Scully said softly, resting her chin on her shoulder.

Stella turned in her arms. “It’s okay. I know he didn’t mean anything by it,” she assured her, reaching up and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She trailed her finger down her jaw and lifted her chin, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

Scully sighed as she pulled away. “I need to help William get upstairs and ready for bed. You’ll stay?” she asked hopefully.

Stella nodded. She followed her back to the living room and leaned against the doorway as Scully helped William get up.

Scully had him almost all the way to the stairs when he turned and said, “Night, Stella! Thanks for coming over.”

She smiled. “Thank you for inviting me,” she said sincerely. “Goodnight William.”

When they disappeared up the stairs, she returned to the kitchen to finish the dishes. She replayed the evening in her mind as she dried and stacked the dishes on the counter, pleased that it had gone well. She went back out into the living room and sat down on the couch. She was sipping her remaining half glass of wine when she heard Scully coming back down the stairs.

Scully sat down beside her, leaning into her embrace and taking a deep breath. She grabbed Stella’s wine glass and took a sip. “You made my kid very happy tonight. He would not stop talking about your very cool job,” Scully said. She turned to look at her. “Thank you for playing along.”

Stella smiled down at her. “It was fun,” she admitted. She took back the wine and finished it off with one gulp, setting the empty glass on the end table. “I’m just relieved he didn’t suddenly decide I’m lame.”

Scully laid a hand on Stella's thigh, stroking her thumb back and forth lightly. “Not that I’m…ungrateful that you care what he thinks, but why are you so nervous about it?” she asked, treading carefully.

Stella bit her lip and took a moment to answer. She didn’t want it to sound like she was accusing Scully of anything, but she wanted to be honest. “He’s your priority, as he should be. And if he were in any way upset that we’re together, I would expect you to…choose him,” she said slowly.

Scully sat up and looked at Stella, her eyebrow furrowed with concern. She turned to face her fully, sitting sideways on the couch. “Stel, it is important to me that he be okay with our relationship, but my choice to be with you is not contingent upon his mood or his approval,” she said, taking her hand and squeezing it for emphasis. “He’s a kid, and he has good days and bad days. But _you_ make me happy, and for the most part, that's all he cares about.”

Stella searched her eyes, and the pure look she found there sent a wave of emotion through her. It was entirely foreign to her, being looked at the way Scully was looking at her now, with seemingly endless love and fondness. In moments like this she remembered why she never let relationships in her life get this far. Knowing what this felt—or rather, remembering what this felt like—only made her think about how painful it was to lose it.

“You don’t believe me?” Scully asked, her face falling as she tried to read Stella's reaction.

“No, I—I do,” she said slowly. “I’m just not used to this.”

Scully tilted her head. “Not used to what?”

Stella winced and hesitated for a second. “Being loved,” she finally said, her voice almost a whisper. Saying it out loud—admitting it—was difficult.

“Stella,” Scully said, her eyes watering.

Stella shook her head slightly, blinking away her own tears. She looked away, shutting her eyes and taking a breath. She hated feeling vulnerable.

“You’re scared,” Scully said, reaching up and wiping away a tear that escaped down Stella’s cheek.

Stella turned back toward her. “Aren’t you?” she asked.

Scully let out a watery laugh, wiping away the tears on her own face. “Of course. I’m terrified, Stel, but I think we’ve established that I’m more afraid of losing you,” she said. She took Stella’s hands in her own again. “We can slow down. William knows, and that can be enough for now.”

“No,” Stella said, shaking her head. “This—you and William—was exactly what I needed today. You make _me_ happy, Dana. I don’t want to go backwards.”

Scully leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, which Stella immediately deepened. Scully climbed onto her lap and lifted both hands to rest them on Stella’s neck, one thumb tracing her jawline. They stayed that way for a few minutes and when Scully finally leaned back, Stella read the look in her eyes.

She chuckled. “I’m not having sex with you on your couch,” she said. When Scully’s face fell into a pout, Stella brought her hand up and lifted her chin gently. “Not because I don’t want to, but because make-up sex deserves a bed.”

Scully released a smile, which Stella quickly translated. She backpedaled. "And I'm not having sex upstairs in your bed with William down the hall. Not on the first night you have me over to hang out with him. You have to give me a little bit of time to adjust to...that," she said awkwardly.

“Fine," Scully said with a huff, although Stella could see she wasn't really upset at the rejection. She watched as Scully thought for a moment. "What if we just make out?” she asked, waggling her eyebrows playfully.

“Okay,” Stella said with a laugh, and she pulled Scully back down to meet her lips.

***

Scully woke with Stella’s arms around her, lying on the couch in the living room. The lights were on, and the clock on the wall showed it was one o’clock in the morning.

She turned and studied Stella’s face for a moment before gently shaking her awake. She woke with a start, and Scully immediately put a hand on her arm.

“Hey, you’re okay,” Scully said softly.

Stella sat up slowly. “Sorry,” she mumbled.

“Do you want to stay tonight?” Scully asked her, ignoring the unnecessary apology.

Stella shook her head. “No, I should head home. I have work tomorrow, and I need clothes.”

“Okay,” Scully said, trying not to let her disappointment show.

They walked to the door, and Stella slipped on her coat and shoes. Before she picked up her purse, she pulled Scully in for a lingering kiss and a hug that lasted a couple of minutes. As much as Scully didn't want her to leave, Stella wanted to stay, but they both knew it didn't make sense for her to sleep over.

“Lunch this week?” Stella asked when she finally pulled away.

Scully nodded, opening the front door. “And dinner on Friday?”

“That works,” she replied, stepping outside. “Goodnight love.”

“Goodnight,” Scully said softly. She closed the door and moved to the window, and she watched until Stella drove away.


	21. Chapter 21

_December_

They had lunch on Wednesday at the hospital, and it was awkward. Stella hadn’t realized that her and William finally meeting had been providing Scully with a distraction. But after Stella left on Sunday night, Scully moved on to punishing herself for what she’d done—a fact that became obvious when they had lunch. Stella didn’t pry; she wanted to give Scully time to work through it, because she knew how hard it was to forgive yourself for hurting someone. But when Friday night arrived, Stella was really hoping Scully had moved past it. She didn’t want Scully to punish herself when she’d already forgiven her. And, selfishly, she didn’t want to have to think about what had happened between them anymore.

She was already wearing her coat when Scully stepped into her entryway. They were planning to go to her favorite tapas restaurant, and she’d been looking forward to it all day. The restaurant had some of the best Spanish food she’d ever had, along with an entire menu of gin & tonics. It would be good to just be with Scully, enjoy some delicious food, and suspend reality for a little while.

“Ready?” Stella asked her, picking up her purse and taking a step toward the door.

Scully didn't respond. Instead she slipped off her coat and hung it up. “Take off your jacket,” she said, turning to Stella with a slight smile on her face.

“What? Why are—”

It was all Stella had time to say before Scully’s lips were on hers. She reflexively wrapped her arms around Scully’s waist to pull her in closer, and Scully breathed in sharply and wrapped her arms around Stella’s neck, deepening the kiss with a swipe of her tongue. She pressed Stella up against the door and started trailing kisses along her jaw.

Their dinner plans abruptly crossed Stella’s mind, where confusion was still the dominant emotion. “Dana…food?” she managed to get out. When Scully reached that place behind her ear, she felt her knees give out a little.

“After,” Scully whispered before continuing to tease her with her tongue.

“But—”

Scully paused and released a slow breath, pushing herself back but leaving one hand on the door beside Stella’s head. She didn’t actually say anything, but she had a look on her face that said _‘seriously, you would rather have food?’_

“You’re right, that was stupid. Please continue,” Stella said after a beat, once she finally caught on to Scully's very obvious intentions.

“Take off your jacket,” Scully said again, emphasizing each word. When Stella raised an eyebrow at the demand, Scully took a step back with a disarming smile. “Please,” she added.

Stella suppressed a smile of her own and slowly peeled off her coat, dropping her purse on the floor and toeing off her heels. “There,” Stella said when finished. “Happy?”

Scully didn’t respond as she stepped toward her again and rested her hands on her waist, meeting her lips for a slow, sensual kiss. Stella melted into it, savoring the feel of her. It had been too damn long, even if it had only been a few days. When Scully broke away after a couple of minutes, Stella let out a small huff of frustration.

Scully opened her eyes, and they were sparkling playfully. “I believe you said make-up sex deserves a bed?”

Stella eyebrows rose and her mouth twitched in amusement. She responded with the briefest nod.

Scully took her hand and led her up the stairs. Dragging her into the bedroom, she pressed her lips urgently to Stella’s again, her hands pushing Stella’s shirt upwards impatiently. Stella helped her by pulling it off in a single motion, and Scully moved her hand to the button on her pants. She broke away briefly to push them down Stella’s legs before standing back up to meet her lips again.

Standing there in just her bra and underwear, Stella tugged on Scully’s shirt, but Scully only captured her hand and intertwined their fingers. She walked Stella back toward the bed, pushing her down to sit on the edge and straddling her lap.

“Why aren’t you taking your clothes off?” Stella asked between kisses.

Scully brushed Stella’s hair over her shoulder for better access to her neck and placed a kiss there. “This make-up sex is not _for_ me,” she said softly.

Stella let herself enjoy the feel of Scully’s mouth for a few minutes as she worked her way down to her collarbone, reveling in the pleasure and heat it sent coursing through her. But when Scully tried to lay her down on her back, she resisted.

“Dana,” she said, pushing her back gently. She watched as Scully frowned, confusion and a hint of frustration in her eyes. “You said this is not for you, so am I to understand that this is all about me?” she asked.

Scully nodded. “An apology from me to you,” she said, the look on her face serious.

Stella didn’t fight the sentiment; if this was what Scully needed to do, that was okay with her. But she could still make her point. “Okay. Well, since it’s all about me…take your damn clothes off,” she said, a smirk spreading across her face.

Scully’s mouth dropped open slightly before it turned into a look that matched Stella’s. “Fine,” she said, sitting up and moving her hands to the top button of her shirt. Stella leaned back to enjoy the view, even though she was itching to undress her herself.

Obviously, Scully knew Stella preferred to be in control, so she moved at an agonizingly slow pace through the first two buttons, and when she reached the third, she looked up. “Oh, I’m sorry…did you—did you want to do this?” she asked in a mocking tone.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Stella breathed, falling back onto the bed while Scully giggled at her own joke. She felt Scully stand up and heard her shedding her clothes. Propping herself up on her elbows again, Stella bit her lip and watched.

“Admiring the view?” Scully asked as she kicked her pants off and reached behind her to unclasp her bra.

“Mmhmm,” Stella replied, her eyes slowly trailing up Scully’s body before meeting her eyes.

Scully held up her bra. “Quid pro quo,” she said, letting it drop to the floor and eyeing Stella's breasts pointedly.

Stella chuckled. She reached behind her and unclasped her bra with one swift movement, throwing it onto the floor. She did the same with her underwear when Scully shed hers and gave her another look.

Stella moved back so that she was fully on the bed, and Scully followed. She laid down on top of Stella, and the skin-to-skin contact sent a shiver through them both, their bodies’ acknowledgment of the time they’d spent apart from each other. Scully propped herself up on her forearm and brought the other hand up to rest briefly on Stella’s cheek as her eyes swept across her face.

Stella noticed the playfulness was gone, replaced by the love and remorse that she’d noticed earlier in the week. “Dana—”

But Scully only shook her head.

She traced a thumb along Stella’s bottom lip and leaned in to kiss her, slowing the pace down considerably. Her hands started to roam across Stella’s body, each touch meticulous and catered toward only Stella's pleasure. As she trailed kisses along her jaw and down her neck, her fingers traced lines along every curve. She bit down lightly when she reached her shoulder, immediately licking the spot and the covering it with a kiss, and it was as if the gesture was its own small apology.

Everywhere Scully touched felt like fire on Stella’s skin, and she lost herself in the feel of it. But when Scully’s fingers reached her core and started to build her up toward release, Stella used her thigh to separate Scully’s legs and encouraged her to grind against it with a light nudge. Stella didn’t want this to be only about her, because she was done with the apologies. This was supposed to be about moving forward, and she wanted Scully with her.

Stella reached her peak first, but she held back until she knew Scully was there too. She pulled Scully up to her lips, kissing her softly and then trailing a finger lightly along her jaw to get her to open her eyes. Stella could see that she wasn’t quite there, so she moved her hand down to her center to help. It didn’t take long, and only when she could tell Scully was at the edge did she let herself go over it.

*

Scully was lying between Stella’s legs, her head resting on her stomach. They were still tangled in the sheets after having gone another round, and Stella was playing gently with Scully’s hair. When Stella’s stomach grumbled, Scully let out a light chuckle.

“Hungry?” she teased, lifting herself up and moving to lie down next to Stella.

Stella rolled onto her side and propped her head up on her hand. “Not that I’m complaining, but we did have dinner plans,” she pointed out.

“Right. I’m sorry about that,” Scully replied without an ounce of sincerity.

“You are not,” Stella said with a laugh. “I wouldn’t accept an apology anyway. That was worth it.” She leaned down and placed a light kiss on Scully’s lips.

Scully gifted her a smile as she pulled away. “Do you still want to go out?” she asked.

Stella shook her head, her eyes traveling shamelessly down Scully’s body. She had no desire to see her put her clothes back on. “We should order food,” she said, tracing her finger along one of Scully’s ribs and watching the goosebumps raise along her skin.

“You don’t want tapas?” Scully asked, scanning her face.

“Not as much as I want to see you eating dinner in only one of my t-shirts,” she said with a small smile.

She rolled over and sat up, getting out of the bed. She put her underwear on and walked to her dresser, picking out two oversized shirts and pulling one over her head. She walked back to the bed, grabbing Scully’s underwear on the way, and handed her the clothes.

Once they were both dressed, they headed down to the kitchen, and Stella placed an order at the Indian restaurant they both liked while Scully poured them each a glass of wine. As she waited for Stella to finish the order, Scully wrapped her arms around her from behind.

“It’ll be a half hour,” Stella reported when she hung up. They decided to wait for the food under a blanket on the couch.

Stella sipped her wine. She could feel Scully studying her, but she let her be, content with the silence. Scully spoke up after a few minutes.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Stella nodded, turning to meet her gaze.

“What would you be doing right now if you hadn’t met me?”

Stella raised an eyebrow. “Why do you want to know?”

“I was just wondering. It’s something we’ve never really talked about…” Her voice trailed off and she shrugged.

Stella looked away. They’d never talked about it because she always avoided talking about her social life, or lack of one. It was easier to make it seem like her work was the only thing she needed in her life, but Scully had seen through that. “If I weren’t working or here, I would likely be at a bar,” Stella said carefully.

“Picking up hot chicks?” Scully teased, although Stella could see her question was serious.

She shook her head, looking down into her wine glass. “Men, mostly,” she said. She wasn’t ashamed, but she was worried about how Scully would react to it.

Scully reached out and tapped her arm gently to get her attention. “No judgment from me, Stel.”

Stella looked up and saw the openness in Scully’s face. She smiled at her gratefully.

“Men…to have sex with?” Scully clarified after a minute of silence passed.

Stella nodded and ran her fingers through her hair. “An outlet for stress, mostly. A way to exercise control over my life. To take pleasure when I wanted it.”

Scully searched her eyes. “So, what changed?”

“You mean how did I go from that to this?” she asked, gesturing between them.

“Mmhmm,” Scully hummed as she took a sip of her wine.

Stella thought for a moment about how unlikely their relationship would have been a little over a year ago, and the things that had happened to change that. Not things—thing, singular.

“Belfast,” she said softly. “That case was a rude awakening for me. I experienced some very real consequences for the choices I was making in my life. It made me become a lot more…selective about who I slept with, for one.”

Scully tilted her head like she knew that was only half the story but didn’t say anything.

Stella took a breath, tapping her glass anxiously as memories flitted at the edges of her mind. “It also made me realize how alone I was, in the sense that there was nobody in my life who really knew me. But the man that I was hunting…he saw me. And he made that very clear, not only to me but to everyone on the investigative team. He exposed the parts of me I’d spent so much of my time and energy hiding from others.” Stella grimaced as she remembered the humiliating intrusion.

“He saw your pain,” Scully said. She took Stella’s hand and squeezed, a gesture of support but also one meant to keep her from drifting too far into the past.

“And the consequences of it.” Stella swallowed, pushing through the memories. “I didn’t do anything about it after Belfast, though. I didn’t know how to begin to open myself up to people. I had spent so much of my life keeping people at a distance, even my few close friends. The idea of reliving my past with any of them was…uncomfortable to say the least. But when I met you…”

“I saw your pain too,” Scully finished.

Stella nodded. She lifted her hand and brushed a tendril of hair away from Scully’s eyes. “Not only that; you also understood it. And you harbored no judgment because you had been there before. You didn’t try to use the information to your advantage, which so many had done in the past. Nor did you force me to deal with it your way. You just took care of me.”

“I made you feel safe,” Scully whispered, repeating Stella’s words from their first date.

“Yes,” Stella confirmed.

She saw Scully cringe and withdraw slightly, and she watched as the look of guilt reappeared on her face. She could almost hear her internal monologue, chastising herself once again for what she’d put Stella through, the additional pain she’d caused her. Stella knew it was not lost on her that she’d hurt Stella in the worst way possible, by leaving her alone. “Dana…”

Scully shook her head. “Sorry, I just—” A tear fell down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly.

Stella put down her wine glass, and took Scully’s from her, putting it aside as well. “Dana, stop,” she said, taking her hands and holding them tightly. She waited until Scully met her eyes. “Stop punishing yourself. Please.”

“I’m not—” Scully started, but she swallowed her words. It was too obvious to deny.

Stella watched the battle play out in Scully’s head. She hesitated, not wanting to overstep, but she could tell Scully needed help. And gentle words weren't going to do it.

Stella chose to be blunt. “I don’t know exactly where your head is at, but I can guess,” she started. She took a breath. “You feel like what you did to me should have been unforgivable. And since I forgave you so easily, you’re afraid that I’m still holding on to some resentment. You’re feeling guilty that you told me you loved me because you think that it was manipulative. And so now you think that everything—including the sex we just had—needs to be about making it up to me and proving that it wasn’t just an act and you do really love me.”

She watched as Scully became more tense with each sentence. When Stella reached her last point, Scully pulled her hands away and met her eyes with a guarded look, but she didn’t say anything. It was like she was challenging Stella to refute what she'd just said, and it was enough to confirm that she’d hit the nail on the head.

She reached out and rested a hand lightly on Scully’s leg. “I could argue against each of those points, but I know it isn’t going to help. So, let me ask you this: don’t you think we’ve both been through enough? Your son was hit by a car, Dana.”

“I know,” she breathed, a few more tears falling onto her cheeks.

Stella reached out and wiped them away. When Scully released a little tension under her touch, she took the opportunity to pull her into an embrace and was glad when Scully didn't fight it. She rested a hand on Scully's head, stroking her hair gently. “Forgive yourself, love. If not for you, then think of it as your way of making it up to me. Let us move on.”

Silence stretched between them, and Stella thought she might have failed. But after some time, Scully spoke.

“Okay,” she whispered, and Stella felt her relax completely.


	22. Chapter 22

The beginning of December brought two things to the forefront of Scully’s mind: William’s rehabilitation and the looming holidays. William finally got his leg cast taken off, much to Scully’s relief. They were both going stir crazy in the house, even with Leah around during the day to help. It was no small feat keeping an eleven-year-old entertained when he basically couldn’t move; there were only so many movies to be watched and board games to be played.

Unfortunately, getting the cast off didn’t make things easier. William, still restricted by his arm injury, had to use a cane instead of crutches to get around, something that seemed to make him constantly grumpy. He also quickly realized that even though he had his leg back, it was going to be relatively useless to him until physical therapy started to do its job.

They were driving home from the first therapy appointment, and William was silent and sulking in the back seat. Scully had stayed in the waiting room during the appointment, not wanting to leave him alone but also not wanting him to feel like she was hovering. She was hopeful that this would be a good first step toward normalcy, but he’d gone into the appointment nervous and come out in the worst mood he’d been in all week. And when she’d asked about it, he’d brushed her off, telling her he was fine.

She tapped her fingers anxiously against the steering wheel. “Do you want to pick up food for dinner? You can have whatever you want as a treat,” she tried.

“I’m not hungry,” he said softly.

She grimaced. It had been only a few days since the cast came off, but it felt like it had been forever since he’d been in a normal mood. She just wanted her happy and curious kid back.

“You don’t want to stop for pasties? And there’s that milkshake place around the corner we could go to too.” She normally limited it to one or the other, but she was desperate.

“I just want to go home,” he replied, his voice slightly irritated.

She turned up the radio, out of ideas. She wanted so badly for him to tell her what had happened at the appointment so that she could fix it. But pushing him probably wouldn’t end well, not when he was in this kind of mood.

Her instincts were proven correct when they got home and he went straight to his room, shutting the door loudly.

*

She was sitting on the couch, nursing a cup of tea. She had gone back and forth trying to decide whether to go upstairs and force him to talk or give him his space. Ultimately, she decided on space. But that didn’t stop her from sitting on the couch and obsessing over it.

It was probably because she was so distracted that she picked up the phone without looking at it. If she had looked at it, she would have ignored it. She hadn’t exactly been dodging her brother’s calls, but she preferred to talk to him when she was in a patient mood. And she had used up all her patience for the day.

“Hello?”

“Dana.” Bill’s voice sounded all business, like always.

She cursed silently, wishing she’d checked the caller ID. “Hi Bill. How are you?” she asked politely.

“I’m fine,” he said. He was being short with her, probably because he’d called her twice in the past week and she hadn’t called back. “Tara asked me to call you and ask you about plans for Christmas.”

Of course, it was Tara that had asked him to call. For years, Tara had tried to be the buffer between them, encouraging Bill to reach out and connect. Scully knew she meant well, but their relationship was complicated, and she sometimes thought Tara’s meddling made it worse.

“When are you coming?” he asked, his voice impatient.

“We’re—” She bit her lip. Aside from her general avoidance of Bill, there was another reason she’d been putting off this call. “Will and I aren’t coming for Christmas this year, Bill. We’re staying in London.”

The line went quiet, and Scully braced herself for an unpleasant reaction.

“It would have been nice if you told us sooner, Dana,” was all he said, but his tone was bitter.

“I’m sorry. I’m just not willing to travel with William while his injuries are still bad.” She knew he probably wouldn't challenge her on that, given what she'd been through in the past month. It really was the reason they weren’t going to Germany this year, so she didn’t feel bad using it as an excuse. But she also appreciated that it would shut him down quickly.

He took a loud breath. “Mom would want us to spend the holidays together,” he tried. Apparently he was not above trying to make her feel guilty. “And William can handle a short plane ride.”

She bristled. “Mom would want William to feel comfortable, and she would understand and _respect_ my decision,” Scully snapped. She leaned her forehead against her hand, massaging her temple against the tension headache she felt blooming.

This had been at the crux of the conflict between them since William was little. After she’d gotten William back and become a single mom, Bill had felt it was in his purview to dole out parenting advice. Most of the time, it was offered in a condescending tone, and in the worst moments he did it in front of William. In the early years, it cut deep against Scully’s insecurities about her inadequacy as a mother, but as she grew thicker skin, it had just infuriated her. It had chipped away at whatever remaining relationship she and Bill had—one that was already damaged by Melissa’s death and her discovery of Emily.

“If you’d told us sooner, maybe we could have booked tickets to come visit you in London,” he said, clearly now just trying to make her feel bad. “But the tickets will be too expensive this close to the holiday.”

She sighed, holding the phone slightly away from her face so he wouldn’t hear it. At this point, only a compromise would end this conversation amicably, and she so badly wanted it to end. “What if we come to you for Easter?” she asked, keeping her voice calm.

The silence stretched between them as he considered the idea. She knew he cherished the religious holiday—one that played such a role in their Catholic upbringing. That had been another point of contention between them. He had become increasingly judgmental of her lapsed faith and her decision not to raise William in the Church. He didn’t understand how her relationship with God could really be that complicated.

“That should work,” he said, his voice neutral. “I’ll check with Tara.”

She closed her eyes and let out a breath. “Okay, Bill. Sounds great.”

“I’ll talk to you soon. Goodbye.” He hung up abruptly.

She stared at the phone, glad that conversation was at over. She sighed, her mind returning to her ruminations about William’s mood, when a thought suddenly occurred to her.

She picked up the phone again and made a call.

*

She knocked lightly on his door. “Will?”

He was lying on his bed, reading a book she happened to know he’d read a few times before. That was one of his coping mechanisms, and she had worked out that he did it because he was comforted by the predictability it offered.

He ignored her as she walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. She tapped him three times on the leg.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said. His tone was what could only be described as snippy.

She took a breath. “Will, we don’t do talk to each other like this. Sit up, please.”

He did what she asked, but she noticed him roll his eyes. It was a habit he’d learned from her.

“You can lose the attitude,” she said gently but firmly. “Tell me what’s going on.”

He crossed his arms defensively. “I don’t want—”

“I know, you don’t want to talk about it. But I’ve given you a little space and now I need you to tell me what’s going on. Was physical therapy painful? Is that why you’re upset?”

“No,” he said, turning his head away abruptly. He tried to blink away the tears the were forming, but one rolled down his cheek. He brushed it away, clearly frustrated at its escape.

Her face softened. “Okay, come here,” she said. She moved to sit next to him and pulled him in for a hug. He didn’t fight her. “What happened?”

She heard him sniffle. “I told the therapist I was excited to play football again when I got back to school, and he said I probably wouldn’t be able to play this year at all,” he said, his voice only a few notches above a whisper.

She cringed at how disappointed he sounded. She hadn’t realized his hopes were so high for getting back to sports so soon. She’d been avoiding the conversation because she'd wanted to temper his expectations, but apparently that had backfired.

“I’m sorry, baby,” she said softly. She ran her fingers through his hair gently, unsure of how to give him any comfort in this moment. This was something she couldn’t fix. “He—we all just want to make sure you’re completely better before you start again.”

He didn’t say anything, burrowing closer into her, and she heard him sniffle again. At least he was no longer pushing her away. They sat there for a few minutes as he calmed down, William seeming content to just cuddle.

The doorbell rang, and she felt him jump slightly. She gave him another quick squeeze before pulling back to look at him. “Why don’t we go see who’s at the door?” she asked, raising an eyebrow and throwing him a small mischievous grin.

They made their way slowly down the stairs, William now able to take the steps on his own with one hand on the railing and the other using the cane. Scully reached the door when he was still a few steps from the bottom and opened it, revealing Stella carrying a tray of milkshakes and a bag of fast food.

A smile slowly spread across William’s face when he looked up. “Hi Stella,” he said. Relief flooded through Scully at his reaction.

“Hey William,” Stella replied, her eyes traveling down to his leg. “Nice to see you without any casts.”

He stepped off the stairs. “This is the real me,” he teased, making both Stella and Scully laugh.

Stella stepped inside, kissing Scully lightly on the cheek. “Hi, love,” she said softly.

Scully smiled at her gratefully. She’d called about an hour ago and asked Stella if she would come over for dinner. They weren’t planning to see each other tonight and it was already a little late, but she explained William’s mood and that she hoped a visit from Stella might make him feel a little better. Stella hadn’t been back to the house since their game night, and he had asked more than once when they could invite her over again. Scully's heart swelled when Stella didn’t hesitate to say yes and offered to pick up dinner on the way.

They made their way into the dining room, and Stella pulled out hamburgers and fries. Scully watched as William’s face lit up at the sight of the food and was delighted when he launched into a conversation with Stella about her most interesting cases.

*

“I had a bank robbery case once,” she said, thinking of yet another one. She’d already gone through at least four. “A bank vault had been emptied, but there was no evidence the safe had even been tampered with. And it was a relatively new model of safe, so everyone was really stumped. It took us weeks to find even the smallest lead. By the time we found them—it was a team of guys—they had robbed three other banks.”

“How did you figure it out?” William asked eagerly.

Scully sat back and observed the exchange with amusement. They’d finished their food, but they were still all sitting at the table. She could tell Stella was enjoying telling stories, speaking mostly to William as he hung on her every word.

“We learned that the person who designed the safe had a nephew with access to the blueprint design for it. Those are normally confidential, but the designer had been careless and brought his work home. So, the nephew and his friends decided to target as many banks as they could that had that model of safe. It was that pattern that tipped us off,” she said, smiling at the memory.

William’s eyes went wide. “How much did they steal?” he asked.

Her brow furrowed. “I don’t remember,” she said. She leaned in, her eyes sparkling. “But it was definitely in the millions.”

“Woah,” he said, awe in his voice.

She poked him. “Don’t get any ideas,” she said playfully.

He giggled. “I’m eleven,” he said with a wide smile.

Stella looked over at Scully and found her beaming at them. She returned the smile and winked. It made Scully’s heart flutter slightly.

Scully looked down at her watch. “Okay, Will. I think it’s time for bed,” she said.

His face fell slightly. “But—”

She shook her head. “Nope, I’ve already let you stay up a little late. And we have to let Stella go home because she has work tomorrow,” she said.

Stella reached over and laid a hand on his arm. “I’ll come back soon,” she promised, and Scully noticed she was suppressing a smile.

“Okay,” William said, resigned. He got up slowly and walked to the doorway. “Goodnight Stella,” he said, turning around and giving her a small smile.

“Goodnight William,” she replied with a smile of her own.

*

“Did he tell you why he was upset?” Stella asked as Scully came into the living room with two glasses of wine.

Scully sat down beside her and handed her a glass. “His physical therapist told him he probably wouldn’t be playing football this year,” she said, wincing as she thought back to her conversation with William.

Stella nodded slowly in understanding. “And he thought he would be able to?”

“We hadn’t talked about it,” Scully said with a shrug. “But he must have, because he was really sad. The worst part was I couldn’t make him feel better about it, because he really won’t be able to before the season is over. And it’s not something I can fix.”

Stella took a sip of wine, looking thoughtful. “What about swimming?” she asked after a moment.

Scully raised an eyebrow. “What about it?”

“Well, swimming is a lot easier on the body. Sometimes it’s even used as physical therapy, right? And when William talked to me about it, the look on his face suggested it’s a happy place for him,” Stella said.

“I…hadn’t thought of that,” Scully said slowly.

“There are a few physical therapists at my pool that I’ve seen working there. I can ask them how it works, if you want,” Stella offered.

Scully smiled, leaning in and kissing her softly. “Thank you,” she whispered as she broke away. “For this whole night, Stel. You have no idea how grateful I am for it.”

“You’re welcome, love.” Stella pulled Scully closer and put an arm around her. She brought her hand up and ran her fingers gently through her hair. They stayed that way until she had to leave.


	23. Chapter 23

Stella didn’t usually leave work in the middle of the day for a swim, but she promised Scully she’d meet her at the pool in the afternoon for William’s first physical therapy session there. She showed up early, hoping the pool would be empty enough for her to swim. She’d skipped her morning regimen and gone straight into work to make up for the time she would lose in the middle of the day, and it had put her in a foul mood. Luckily, there was an empty pool lane, and when she started her laps, she felt herself slowly calming down.

She needed the monotony of swimming, especially in the morning. The pool was always a place she could go to drown out all of the noise in her life. These days, the noise mostly took the form of insecurities about her relationship with Scully. What was happening between them was like a freight train she couldn’t control, which she’d accepted. And in the moments when she was with Scully, that wasn’t a problem. But when she was alone, she couldn’t shut the fear down, and the mornings were the worst.

What she had with Scully made her want to slow down time, if only so that she could soak up every second they had together. To Stella, Scully was in part what swimming and work had always been for her—a calming force that she craved. But whereas exercise and a career were coping mechanisms she could control, relying on another human being was not. And that was the thought that threatened to invade her mind most mornings.

Today was also particularly uncomfortable because, for the first time, she was pushing work aside for someone in her life, and that was something she’d never done. It wasn’t that she couldn’t. Work was slower than it was a year ago, and the amount of control over her cases had increased enough since Belfast to allow for more flexibility. But Stella had been working tirelessly for more than two decades, another unhealthy coping mechanism to lessen the moments when she would be alone with her thoughts, and breaking that momentum was unsettling.

Nonetheless, at noon, she left work for the pool. And when she finished swimming, she found that she was slightly less uncomfortable.

She showered and got dressed in the locker room, putting on leggings and a t-shirt after deciding she didn’t want to sit poolside with Scully in her work clothes. She left her stuff in a locker and looking at herself in the mirror, tied her hair back in a low ponytail. She could take it out when she went back to the office without messing up her curls. After slipping on her shoes, she went to the front lobby to wait.

She saw William first, and she smiled. It was a reflex by now, even though she could still count on one hand the number of times they’d actually been around each other. He met her eyes and sent back a smile in return, but she could see his face was full of anxiety. Apparently, he wasn’t very excited to be here. She turned to Scully, who looked equally apprehensive.

“Hey,” Scully said softly, kissing her cheek. She looked around. “Do you know where—”

Stella nodded. “You have to check in over here,” she said, walking them over to a desk that was specifically for therapy sessions and personal training. After her conversation with Scully last week, Stella had inquired about the services they offered, and it was easy enough to sign William up. The staff was exceptionally polite.

She stood back as Scully checked in, and William came over to stand by her. She tapped his elbow. “You okay?” she asked.

He looked at her and shrugged but didn’t say anything.

A man in swim trunks and a long sleeve shirt approached them. “William?” he asked, smiling politely at them. “And you must be William’s mom?” He put out his hand to shake hers.

“Oh no, I’m not…I’m Stella,” she said, shaking his hand and trying not to look flustered by the question. “William’s mom is checking him in.”

His eyes swept over her and a confused look settled on his face, but he didn’t ask whatever question was on his mind. “Right, okay. I’m Reese.” He turned to William. “How are you doing today William?”

“Fine,” he replied softly. “You can call me Will.”

“Alright, Will then. Are you ready for your session?”

William shrugged again as Scully walked up.

“Hi, I’m Dana. William’s mom,” she said, holding out her hand.

“Reese. Nice to meet you,” he said, looking between her and Stella. “So, I’ll take William through the locker room. He can change into his swimsuit, and then we’ll be in the pool area for this session. There will be some sessions that we do in the gym eventually, but most of the early sessions will be in the pool.”

He looked at William. “That sound good?” he asked him.

William nodded slowly but stayed silent.

Stella placed a hand gently on his back, and he looked up at her. “We’ll meet you in the pool area,” she said softly. He smiled lightly, a tinge of thanks in his eyes as he nodded again.

“Do you have any questions for me, Dana?” Reese asked.

She shook her head, turning to William. “We’ll be sitting at the side of the pool. We won’t go anywhere,” she said, running her fingers once through his hair to sweep it out of his eyes. “Just let Reese know if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay,” he replied. His tone wasn’t convincing, but Reese took his bag from Scully and led him over to the locker room anyway. He followed slowly, leaning heavily on his cane.

Scully turned to Stella, her face revealing a look of exhaustion. “He’s nervous, but he won’t talk about it. I think he knows when he gets in the pool, it won’t be like it used to be.”

“It’ll be better than nothing,” Stella said, injecting her words with confidence. She hoped William would be able to find some comfort in the pool. She remembered how he’d talked about it, and she was certain it was a happy place for him. The question was whether it still would be.

Stella led Scully through the locker room and found them a couple of chairs. When they sat down, Scully took her hand and held it tightly. Stella squeezed Scully's hand in return and sent her a soft smile.

They saw William walk out of the locker room. Reese led him over to the pool and helped him sit down on the edge, his feet dangling in the water. Reese got in completely, and they started chatting. They were too far away for Stella and Scully to hear anything they were saying.

Scully looked at her. “Let’s talk about…anything. Something distracting.”

Stella raised an eyebrow. “Okay, what do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t—” Scully paused, a smile crossing her face. “Holidays.”

Stella cringed slightly. She’d known this was coming, but she was hoping to avoid it for as long as possible.

Scully read the look on her face. “What?” she asked.

“I don’t really do holidays,” Stella said slowly, pulling her hand away.

“Oh,” Scully replied. She looked down at where her hand was now lying alone. “What does that mean, exactly?”

Stella bit her lip. “I haven’t celebrated Christmas since…I was very young,” she said, avoiding a mention of the exact date and the trauma associated with it. “I normally work during the holiday. Keep myself busy.”

“Ah,” Scully said. She was quiet for a moment. “Does that mean you don’t want—”

They were interrupted by Reese. “Excuse me,” he said to Scully. He hesitated for a moment, looking like he was at a loss for words. “Um…Will doesn’t want to get in the pool.”

Stella and Scully simultaneously looked over to where William was still sitting on the edge of the pool. Scully turned back to Reese, who continued speaking, but Stella tuned them out. She was staring at William, and as if sensing her gaze, he turned and met her eyes. She immediately read the look of fear on his face.

She stood up and slipped off her shoes, walking over to him. Ignoring the fact that she was in her clothes, she sat down next to him and let her legs dangle in the water. His eyebrows rose when her leggings immediately got wet.

They sat silently for a moment, Stella waiting to see if he would say something. When he didn’t, she asked, “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

William sighed softly. “I don’t know,” he said.

“Something’s making you nervous,” she said after a few seconds. She didn’t pose it as a question.

“I won’t be able to swim,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Ah,” Stella nodded. “You’re right, you probably won’t be able to swim right away. But you won’t ever be able to swim if you don’t get in the water.”

He sent her a weary look and didn’t respond.

Stella pressed her lips together, weighing her options. She looked down into the water and, after a minute, made a decision. Without hesitation, she pushed herself off the edge and into the pool. She took a couple steps and turned around.

William was looking at her with wide eyes. “What are you doing?” he asked, a slight urgency in his voice.

She tilted her head, ignoring his question. “This is the shallow end, so you can stand here, right?”

He winced. “Yeah,” he admitted begrudgingly, looking away.

She walked back toward him. “Hey,” she said softly, tapping his knee and pulling his attention back to her. “Do you trust me?”

He searched her face, and whatever he saw there seemed to be enough for him. “Yes,” he said with a slight nod.

She held out her hands, and he took them. She helped him lower himself off the edge and walk a few steps away from it.

They stood quietly, Stella letting him get used to the water. When he looked at her expectantly, she asked, “What was your favorite part of swimming?”

He thought for a moment. “The quiet,” he said.

She knew exactly what he meant by that. It was what she’d seen in his eyes the day they’d first talked about it. “Okay,” she said. “Did you ever take swim lessons?”

He nodded, looking away nervously.

She molded her lips into a comforting smile. “Do you remember how the first thing they taught you was how to float on your back?”

“Yeah,” he said, meeting her eyes again.

She held out her hand again, and he took it without hesitation this time. “Go ahead and lean back. It shouldn’t take any effort from your hip or leg. Just let the water hold you up,” she instructed.

He followed her direction but when he laid back, he strained to keep his head above the water. She placed a hand on his back between his shoulder blades. “I’ve got you,” she assured him. “Close your eyes and lean your head back.”

He did as she asked, still holding onto her other hand. He squeezed it as he closed his eyes, and she squeezed back reassuringly. She watched as his face slowly relaxed, followed by the rest of his body. His breathing evened out and the grip on her hand loosened slightly, although he didn’t let go. She didn’t remove her hand from his back, knowing it would startle him out of the reverie.

She let him stay there for a few minutes before squeezing his hand again to pull him back to reality. He opened his eyes and looked at her. Reading her cue, he stood up slowly, dropping her hand once he was confidently upright. He wasn’t smiling, but the look of fear was gone when his eyes met hers.

“You can still float,” she said to him. “And the physical therapy will help you swim again. But you have to get in the pool, okay?”

He nodded. “Okay,” he said quietly.

She smiled and gave his shoulder a squeeze. She looked toward Scully and Reese and found both of them staring at her with incredulous looks on their faces. She nodded once at Reese, and he stood up and got back in the pool, walking toward them.

“Ready Will?” he asked.

William took a breath. “Yeah,” he said, his voice now mostly devoid of anxiety.

Stella left them together and slowly walked up the stairs at the end of the pool. Scully met her there with a towel, her mouth set in a wide smile and her eyes watering slightly.

Stella shook her head, cutting Scully off before she could say anything. "I have extra clothes in the locker room," she said, as if that explained her actions. She took the towel from Scully and dried herself off.

Scully's eyes clouded in confusion. "Yeah, but Stel—"

“I’ve been where he is,” she said softly. She didn’t meet Scully’s eyes. “I just wanted him to have what I didn’t when I had to make my way back from my injuries. Someone who understood.”

Scully’s face softened, but she didn't say anything. They went and sat back down in their chairs, and Scully took Stella’s hand between hers. They didn’t return to their conversation about holidays. Instead, they kept their eyes on William, and both got lost in their thoughts.


	24. Chapter 24

Scully still didn’t know what exactly had happened between William and Stella at the pool, and neither seemed inclined to voluntarily share any of the details. She didn’t mind though; William had gotten in the water. Stella gave him what he needed in that moment, something Scully wasn't sure she would have been able to do, and she was grateful to Stella for that. So she didn't ask.

It wasn’t until a few days later, though, that Scully realized the relationship between them had changed.

She was cooking dinner in the kitchen, and he was finishing a puzzle at the table. She had been putting off breaking the news to him that they weren’t going to Germany for Christmas; it was something Scully didn’t mind missing, but she knew he might be upset about not seeing his cousins. Finally unable to keep it to herself any longer, she decided to tell him when they were both distracted, hoping it would soften the blow.

Except when she finally said it, his immediate response was, “Does that mean we can have Stella over for Christmas?!”

She froze.

The holidays had always been a family event, one that was especially important for them because Scully's family was the only extended family Will had. When he was little, they always did Christmas with Maggie. And when she passed away, Scully did everything she could to make sure William could spend the holiday with his uncle and cousins, even if she often didn't enjoy it.

The fact that he not only didn’t seem upset, but was excited at the prospect of spending the day with Stella meant one thing: he was getting attached.

It was a revelation that took Scully’s breath away, if only because of the fear associated with it. If he was invested, it meant he could get hurt. But she pushed away the thought and reminded herself there was no reason to be afraid of losing Stella. They had agreed that Stella would be a part of his life, and this was the natural consequence.

She took a breath, trying to think of a way to gently break the news to William that a holiday with Stella probably wasn’t going to happen. The look on Stella’s face when she’d brought it up at the pool had left little room for interpretation.

“I think she has to work,” Scully said, careful to keep her voice neutral.

William’s face fell. “She can’t take the day off?” he asked.

Scully smiled at him. “She’s a detective Will, and unfortunately crimes still happen on holidays. It's one of those jobs that somebody has to do, even on Christmas. Just like if I didn’t have you, I’d probably be working at the hospital.”

He thought for a moment and asked, “Why can’t Stella use me as an excuse like you do?”

Scully walked over to the table to set down their water glasses, ruffling his hair on her way back to the stove. “It doesn't quite work like that, baby.”

His frowned at her answer, but he didn't say anything and went back to finishing his puzzle.

She turned away from him, stirring the food on the stove as she sorted through her emotions. She wished she could give him Stella for Christmas, but she wouldn’t force Stella to spend the day with them. Stella’s hesitance was obviously rooted in whatever pain from her childhood was tied to the holiday, and Scully knew that asking her to endure and process that pain in front of William was unfair.

***

On Saturday night, they were sitting on Stella’s couch. It had been an exhausting week for both of them, and neither had the energy for anything more than what they were currently doing. Scully was wedged against the cushions in the corner, her legs up on Stella’s lap—as close as they could get without being on top of each other—and they were both nursing a cup of tea. They’d been quiet since they got home from dinner, avoiding the topic they knew they’d have to address eventually.

It was Stella that broke the silence. “Dana?”

“Hmm?”

“I…don’t want to do Christmas,” she said slowly. She turned to Scully, an apprehensive look on her face.

Scully nodded, forcing away the disappointment that appeared even though she'd known this would happen. But she’d promised herself she wouldn’t push Stella on this issue, and she wouldn’t make her feel bad about it either. “Okay,” she said calmly.

Stella scanned her face, finding nothing but openness there. “Okay,” she repeated, as if confused by the lack of conversation.

“But you have an open invitation if you change your mind,” Scully said, giving Stella’s arm a light squeeze.

Stella sent her a smile of thanks, but Scully could tell there was no happiness behind it. She wished she could make at least the thought of the holiday less painful, but she sensed Stella needed space to reach that in her own time. So, she went back to sipping her tea.

“What about New Year’s?” Stella asked softly.

Scully swallowed, and an anxious flutter bloomed in her stomach as she suddenly realized this was something they hadn’t talked about. “We, um—Mulder comes to London every year for New Year’s,” she said carefully. "It's kind of a tradition."

She watched as Stella’s eyebrows jumped before she could suppress the reaction, although her face was wiped of emotion in less than a second.

“Oh…okay,” she said with an obviously-forced indifference. She looked away, taking a gulp of tea.

Scully cringed. “We’re going to Amy’s house. She has an annual party, and there will be a bunch of people there,” she said, the words coming out too quickly. She took a breath to slow herself down. “You should definitely come with us. I want you there, Stel. But…you shouldn’t feel like you have to if you’re not comfortable with it.”

Stella nodded slowly, looking away. She traced a finger along the lip of her mug, seeming to weigh something in her mind.

“What?” Scully asked her, nudging her shoulder softly.

Stella turned back toward her, her face a mask. “When William was in the hospital, why did you call Mulder?”

The question was direct, and it caught Scully off guard. She raised an eyebrow. “He’s William’s father,” she said. “He deserved to know what was going on.”

Stella looked down again, biting her lip. “That’s not…”

Scully nodded as Stella trailed off, realizing what she actually meant by the question. She reached out and pushed Stella’s hair back behind her ear, tapping beneath her chin lightly. Stella lifted her eyes at the silent request. “I did not call him instead of you,” Scully said. “Yes, he came and stayed with us, but it was not because I asked him. And yes…it was a comfort to have him there, but only because it meant I could step away for a moment and try to put myself back together. Him being there for William meant I had the space to breathe.”

Stella let out a small sigh, and Scully saw a look of sadness cross her face briefly before she buried it. She knew what the look meant—that Stella wished Scully would have allowed her to be a source of comfort. But Stella would never say that, even if it was a reasonable request to make of the person you love, because she would consider that selfish. And Stella still refused to be selfish with her.

Scully took Stella’s hand and brought it to her lips, placing a small kiss on her palm before bringing it to her cheek. It radiated warmth from holding on to the mug of tea. “Please come, Stel. I want you there, so that I can kiss you at midnight. I want to introduce you to my friends,” she insisted.

Stella smiled at the thought and met Scully’s eyes. “Okay,” she said softly after a few seconds.

“Yeah?” Scully asked, her eyes lighting up.

Stella nodded, letting out a small chuckle at Scully’s reaction.

Scully kept ahold of her hand as they fell back into a comfortable silence.

A few minutes passed and Scully got lost in her thoughts, mulling over whether to remain on the topic of Mulder. The subject had clearly become a source of awkwardness, but she wanted Stella to be comfortable with him and their relationship. She felt like she needed to convince her of how harmless he was, even if her instinct was to avoid the issue and hope that it would resolve itself.

“You asked whether Mulder and I still speak,” Scully forced herself to say.

Stella turned to her and her eyebrows pinched in confusion. “What?”

“When I first told you about him, you asked if we still talk. We do, but it’s always about William. When he comes to visit on New Year’s, it’s for Will. We avoid pretty much every other topic because it’s awkward. There are unresolved issues and we’ve never been good at saying what needs to be said, so William is a buffer,” Scully explained.

Stella gave a slight nod, looking confused about why they were having this conversation.

“We talked about you, though,” Scully continued, looking down at their hands nervously. “He saw us in the hospital hallway that day, and he asked who you were. He knows we’re together, and he’s the one who told me to do whatever it takes to make sure I don’t lose you.”

She lifted her eyes to meet Stella’s in time to see the look of surprise, and then watched as a number of other emotions also crossed her face. She squeezed her hand lightly. “Mulder can read me like a book. He could see how much I needed you, even though I was pushing you away,” she said. She sent Stella a small smile that she hoped was reassuring. “My point is, I am yours. And he knows that. You don’t have to worry about him and me.”

Stella released a breath and her face relaxed. She held Scully’s eyes for a moment before slowly putting her mug down. Sitting up, she leaned in and kissed her softly, lingering for a few seconds.

When Scully felt Stella pull away, she kept her eyes closed and reminded herself once again how much of a gift it was to have this moment—to have every moment—with Stella. She felt a gentle tap on her nose, and she opened her eyes in response. Stella smiled, a genuine one this time, and pulled her into an embrace, kissing her temple.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

Scully leaned into her, taking Stella’s hand and intertwining their fingers. She thought about Stella’s reaction every time she told her how she felt about her, and it hit her that there was a commonality every time—something akin to relief.

“Stel?” she asked after taking a breath.

“Yes, love?” Stella mumbled into her hair, dropping another kiss on the top of her head.

“If you ever need a reminder about how I feel about you, all you need to do is ask,” Scully said softly. “Asking for that kind of validation isn’t selfish. It’s not annoying or an imposition. I’d be happy to tell you any time you want to hear it.”

Scully felt Stella’s breathing pause, and she didn’t respond. Scully was worried she’d said something wrong, but when she tried to sit up, Stella tightened her arms around her.

“Okay,” she said, her voice tight with emotion.

Scully smiled and relaxed into her again. This was all new for Stella, she realized; she just needed to learn how to be loved. Scully could help with that.

***

Stella laid awake in bed for some time after Scully left, thinking about their conversation. She had planned to force herself to agree to Christmas, but in the end, she couldn’t do it. She was too afraid that a Christmas morning with Scully and William would be a reminder of a time that she still couldn’t face. Holidays were some of the only good family memories she had from her childhood, but that’s what made them all the more painful to revisit.

She thought about the open invitation, wondering if Scully would be upset when she didn’t show. She wondered if William was expecting her to be there and found herself hoping that he wasn’t disappointed when Christmas came and went without her. In the last few weeks, his feelings had come to matter so much more to her because of the relationship she’d built with him; it wasn’t only about her and Scully anymore. And she didn’t want him to feel her absence.

She pushed away the thought, turning to Scully’s revelations about Mulder. She hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear Scully tell her not to worry about him, even though she felt ridiculous for being worried about it. She knew that Scully loved her, but there was still a tiny voice in her mind that constantly expressed disbelief at the fact that Scully was in her life at all.

She didn’t relish the idea of meeting Mulder, but he would always be a part of Scully’s life, and she would have to make peace with that. Refusing to meet him now would not be the smart way to handle it. More so for William, it would be important to make that relationship as positive as possible. Even if William didn’t think of Mulder as his father, he was clearly someone important to him.

She sighed and rolled over. She just needed to get through Christmas, and everything would be fine.

At least, that’s what she kept telling herself as she finally fell asleep.


	25. Chapter 25

Scully forced herself to go to the mall one more time before the holiday to finish shopping for William. For the most part, she made a point to buy his gifts slowly throughout the year. He never gave her a list; instead, per tradition, she chose everything and kept it a surprise. It made the holiday more fun for them, and Scully knew him well enough to rarely make a bad choice.

She hadn’t planned on getting Stella anything; she wasn’t sure how Stella would react if she gave her a gift for the holiday. But as she walked past a jewelry display, something caught her eye.

She wandered into the store, walking up to the glass case that held an array of silver and white gold bracelets. She spotted the one that reminded her of Stella—a delicate white gold chain that was long enough to wrap twice around the wrist. It had tiny diamonds at intervals along it and a spot near the clasp where you could add a tiny letter charm. The bracelet was beautiful and subtle, and she knew it would look great on Stella.

“Can I help you?” asked a sales associate behind the counter. He smiled kindly when she looked up.

She pointed to the back corner of the display. “Can I see that one?” she asked.

He opened the cabinet and pulled it out, laying it on a velvet square for her to examine. He told her the price, but she wasn’t listening. She was distracted, picturing it on Stella’s thin wrist.

She bit her lip and came to a quick decision. “I’ll take it,” she said. She could always save it for another occasion, or just wait a little bit for Christmas to pass.

“Did you want one or two letter charms?” he asked, placing the bracelet gently in a small box.

She smiled. “Two,” she replied, pleased that it was an option. She told him which ones and he wrapped them up in their own box.

As she walked out to find a taxi, her stomach fluttered at the fact that she’d just bought Stella jewelry. It wasn’t weird given that Stella was her girlfriend, but things between them up until this point hadn’t always been normal. By contrast, this felt very cliché, and that fact made her happy.

***

Stella walked into the empty restaurant three hours before it opened, let in by one of the hostesses. She was led to a table near the back and was told that Stephen would be out in a few minutes. She thanked the woman and pulled out her phone, scrolling through the never-ending list of emails that remained unread in her inbox. She got through four of them before he came out with two steaming plates.

“Stella,” he exclaimed, a wide smile on his face. He set their food down and pulled her out of her chair, enveloping her in a hug.

“Hi Stephen,” she said, her mood instantly improved. She had missed him.

It was the Thursday before Christmas, and she’d finally found a free afternoon to answer his invitation to lunch. He’d been texting her for weeks, but between work and Scully, there was never a good time. Today though, Scully was sleeping in preparation for her last night shift of the year and Stella had no meetings, so she had the lunch hour to spend with him.

“You promised me you’d visit more often, and it’s been what—more than three months?” He scoffed at her as she smiled apologetically. “Always the same, Stella Gibson.”

“I’ve been busy,” she said, without providing any details. It was her oft-used vague excuse.

Stephen only grunted as he sat down. With a flourish of his hands, he presented their meal. “Roasted quail atop a brown butter gnocchi and garnished with roasted asparagus and lemon,” he said proudly.

“It looks exquisite,” she told him as the hostess set down two glasses of chardonnay in front of them. To the hostess she said, “Thank you.”

He picked up his glass for a toast, and Stella followed suit. “To old friends,” he said simply with a smile.

Stella clinked her glass against his and took a sip, humming with satisfaction at the obviously expensive bottle of wine Stephen had chosen for the occasion. She took a bite of the gnocchi and was not surprised when the flavor paired perfectly with her drink.

“So, you must tell me,” Stephen started, his eyes curious. “What happened to that woman you brought with you the night you last visited?”

Stella’s eyebrow rose and she couldn’t hold back a smile. “Dana?” she asked innocently.

“Don’t play coy with me,” he said with a chuckle.

Stella took another drink of wine before she answered, “She and I are…together.”

He stopped mid-chew, and his eyes widened. When he finally got over himself enough to swallow, he asked, “Together. As in, you’re a couple?”

“Mmhmm,” she said, her mouth twitching with amusement. She’d known he would be surprised and probably overly dramatic about it, given he’d rarely seen her in anything close to a serious relationship.

He didn’t appear poised to disappoint. He sat back with a grin and abandoned his food altogether, crossing his arms and studying her for a minute. “You look happier,” he commented.

She rolled her eyes. “I do not,” she said.

He picked up his fork and began eating again. “I’ve known you for a long time, Stella. Something is different,” he insisted, gesturing at her with the utensil to make his point.

She huffed out a nervous laugh, looking down at her plate and not bothering to argue with him. Of the few close friends in her life, he’d known her the longest. Was it really possible that he could tell just by looking at her?

“Tell me about her.” The excitement in his voice was palpable.

“She’s a doctor, but she used to work for the FBI,” Stella said simply.

He raised an eyebrow. “A good match for you,” he acknowledged. “Although that doesn’t really tell me much.”

She put her fork down and picked up her wine glass, swirling it as she sorted through all of the words she could use to describe Scully. “She’s stunning and incredibly selfless. She understands me and my…past, but in a way that has never felt overbearing. She takes care of me when I don’t take care of myself,” she said slowly.

He let out a small chuckle. “Well, that’s definitely good,” he quipped. “You suck at taking care of yourself.”

She rolled her eyes in the face of the truth in his statement, and hesitated briefly before adding, “And she is a mom.”

He froze again in surprise. “She has a kid?” he asked.

“An eleven-year-old son,” she confirmed, smiling warmly at the thought of William.

Stephen shook his head, a look of disbelief settling on his face. She turned her attention back to her meal and they ate in silence for a few minutes as he processed that bit of information. She felt him staring at her and it soon became clear he was holding something back. “Spit it out, Stephen.”

“Are you—” He hesitated. “Are you going to celebrate Christmas with them?” he asked carefully.

She bristled at the question and knew he sensed it, but he kept quiet and waited for her answer. Apparently, he wasn’t going to let her get away with avoiding it.

“No,” she said finally, lifting her eyes and finding a look of concern on his face.

He would have already known what her answer would be, which means he asked because he wanted to talk about it.

He fiddled with his wine glass, nodding slowly. “Why not?” he asked after a beat.

She’d never shared with him why the holidays were so hard for her, but he knew that she essentially disappeared from the world during Christmas. While they were still at school, she would shut herself in her dorm during the winter break. Since they’d graduated, if she wasn’t working, she was alone at her house—no gifts, no parties, no vacation. He knew better than to bring up holidays with her.

She eyed him with resentment at the topic, and he looked away under her gaze. “For the same reason I never celebrate Christmas. It’s not my thing. Being in a relationship doesn’t change anything,” she said. It came out sharper than she'd intended, but she didn't take it back.

To his credit, he didn’t flinch at her tone. Instead, his face softened, and he tilted his head. “It can, Stella. If you let it.”

She winced at the pity in his voice and shot him a look of warning. “Yeah? How’d that work out with you and Kev?” she asked coldly, bringing up the one thing she hoped would shut him up. It immediately left a bad taste in her mouth and she felt the sudden urge to apologize.

He let out a breath and backed off, turning his attention back to his food.

Stella put down her fork. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for,” she said, but he only shook his head.

“I have no regrets about how much of myself I gave to that relationship,” he said, leveling a hurt look at her. She shrunk slightly underneath it. “There were many reasons why we ended things, but it would have ended a lot sooner if we'd held pieces of ourselves back. And the ending would have been a lot more painful. For the first time in my life, I let someone go knowing I had done everything in my power to make it work, and I knew that even though it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t my fault.”

She didn’t meet his eyes. Bringing up that bit of his past was an unfair blow, especially because Stella had been one of the only people he’d let help him through it. She was about to apologize again when she heard him let out a sigh.

“Look, I don’t know Dana," he said softly. "But the second word you used to describe her was selfless, so I’ll bet she’s trying to be there for you, and you won’t let her. You’re holding yourself back, either because you’re uncomfortable letting her see you in pain or you don’t think she deserves the burden of helping you through it.”

She blinked back tears at the accuracy of his words and how much they stung. He reached out and tapped her hand gently, prompting her to look up. When he met her eyes, his were full of sympathy. “Dana wants to help take away your pain, Stella—take it from someone who also cares a lot about you. She is probably hurting for you, even if she is respecting your wishes by giving you space. And yes, you’d probably be okay shutting yourself in your office on Christmas again this year, but you’re just going to end up back here next year. For once, maybe you should consider letting someone else be there for you.”

She cleared her throat, pushing away the emotions threatening to overtake her. “It’s not that easy, Stephen,” she said, taking a gulp of wine.

“You’re right,” he said with a nod. “But you’d be surprised at how much better it feels than continuing to drown in your grief while you avoid facing it.”

***

Scully fell into the couch with a sigh and dialed Mulder’s number. William was asleep and she wanted to be too, but she'd just remembered that this particular call had been on her to-do list for a week.

“Scully!” he answered with his normal exuberance.

“Hey Mulder. How’s the New York winter treating you?” She had been watching a news report of a monster east coast snowstorm on the evening news, and it was what had reminded her that she needed to touch base with him before New Year’s.

He laughed. “I’m not going to lie, it isn’t pleasant,” he admitted.

“It doesn’t look it,” she responded with a chuckle.

A vaguely awkward silence settled between them, and she got lost in the hypnotic video of snow that was still playing on her television. Pulling her back to reality, he asked, “So, how can I help you Scully?”

“I…just wanted to get your flight information for when you come in a couple of weeks.”

She heard him moving things around in the background as he said, “Ah, yes. I meant to send that to you."

She smiled. He was notoriously bad at using email, which she knew stemmed from his persistent distrust of technology. He was also never good at keeping his desk organized, so she was picturing him frantically shuffling through a mountain of paper to find his itinerary.

Finally, he rattled off his travel details, and she wrote them down on a pad of paper.

“How’s everything else going?” he asked hesitantly.

It was an innocent question, but an unusual one. He was up to date on William’s condition, so the question was probably actually meant to be about her. It was territory they normally avoided, although what he’d helped her through when William was in the hospital had been new for them too.

“Everything else is…good,” she responded carefully. “Work is busy, as usual. And Stella and I are doing well. She’s going to come to the party with us on New Year’s Eve.” She bit her lip, hoping he wouldn’t feel uncomfortable with that.

“That’s really great, Scully,” he said, and she heard the relief and sincerity in his voice. It tugged at her heart, knowing that he only cared about her happiness.

“Listen,” he continued. “If you want me to stay with William the weekend before New Year’s so that you and Stella can…go somewhere, I can. I’m sure you haven’t had much alone time together with everything that happened—not to mention your busy schedules.”

She raised an eyebrow, surprised at the offer and the fact that apparently William had been talking to him about Stella. Although in reality, neither should have been a surprise. “I—that’s really kind of you, Mulder. I’ll ask her and let you know,” she said softly.

“Of course. I’ll be there either way,” he replied casually, clearly trying to downplay the offer.

“Right,” Scully said. Another beat of awkwardness passed. “Well, I’ll call you once I know, okay?”

“Sure. I’ll talk to you soon, Scully,” he said, his voice hurried.

He hung up before she could say goodbye.

She walked slowly up the stairs to bed, thinking about the possibility of a weekend with Stella. It filled her with anticipation and anxiety, and she wished she could ask her right this second. But she'd wait for the holiday to pass, along with Stella's stress.

She hoped more than anything that Stella would say yes.


	26. Chapter 26

Christmas Eve—a Monday—arrived quickly. Scully had worked through the weekend so that she could take the entire week of Christmas off. It meant that unfortunately she’d seen Stella only once early in the week, and now she wasn’t going to see her until after the holiday.

The day was half over already, and Stella hadn’t texted her once. They’d gotten in the habit of texting each other every morning, and more often on days they weren't going to see each other. But Scully figured that Stella had gone radio silent because of what day it was and it wasn’t anything she had done. She would give Stella through Christmas Day before she started to worry about it. But it didn’t mean she didn’t miss her.

She and William planned to go to an outdoor Christmas market for the afternoon, which provided adequate distraction. They’d somehow never been in London for the holiday, always in Germany with Bill or in Prague with Charlie. So, this year, she wanted to take advantage and enjoy the city.

William’s walking had improved substantially, but she didn’t want to test their luck when there was a possibility of ice on the ground, so she brought along a wheelchair she’d borrowed from work for him to use. He’d been resistant to the idea, but she promised him that he could get out of it if he wanted to look at anything up close. With that guarantee, he agreed.

They were both mesmerized by seemingly endless stalls that were full of gifts and food. William had them stopping at nearly every one, which Scully knew was partially an excuse to get up and stand as much as possible. Luckily, it was cold outside, which kept the crowds away and provided them with a little bit of breathing room. Although, the look on his face would have her agreeing to almost anything at this point—it had been a long time since she’d seen this kind of joy on his face.

“Mom!” he exclaimed, leaning on his cane as he looked at a display of handmade scarves. “Can we get the blue one for Stella?”

She walked up behind him, looking over his shoulder. “We’re not celebrating Christmas with Stella, baby. We’re not doing gifts,” she told him.

He frowned at her. “We have to get her something,” he argued. “We can give it to her later!”

She sighed. “Why don’t we look around first, and then decide later?” she asked, hoping to buy herself enough time to think of a reasonable excuse to not get anything. She bit her lip as her eyes landed on the blue scarf, which matched Stella’s eyes perfectly.

“Fine,” he sighed. His tone of voice suggested he wasn’t going to give up very easily, which she fully expected. He let out a dramatic huff as he fell gently back into the wheelchair.

They made it through four more stalls before he found something else he wanted to get her.

“Mom, what about these?” he asked, picking up a pair of silver dangly earrings.

She pressed her lips together. “She doesn’t wear earrings very often, Will,” she hedged.

“Not even for special occasions?”

“Sometimes, but she already has plenty of pairs at home,” she said, which wasn’t exactly a lie. This was quickly becoming uncomfortable.

He put the earrings down. “Okay,” he said uncertainly.

She finally gave up when they were in a stall full of novelty mugs and William found one that said:

_ To Do List: _

_Coffee_

_Swim_

_Wine_

_Repeat_

She laughed when he declared that it was ' _so_ Stella'. She knew he was only focused on the 'swim' part, but she had to admit the entire thing was perfect.

“Fine, we can get her this,” she agreed. “But only this, okay? She’s not getting us anything and we don’t want to make her feel bad.”

He nodded, his face full of excitement. “Deal,” he said.

They continued through the market, picking out gifts for Mulder, Amy, and Chase. Scully found a tablecloth she knew Tara would like, so she bought it to send as an apology for missing Christmas with the family. And William requested they get something for his physical therapist too.

Weighed down with their purchases, they made their way back toward the car. When they passed the stall with the scarves, Scully couldn’t help herself.

“Hey Will,” she said, leaning down to whisper in his ear. “Should we get Stella the blue scarf too?”

He looked up at her, his eyes sparkling with delight. “Definitely.”

***

They were on the couch, and he was somehow still awake. He’d resisted going upstairs even though Scully had asked three times if he wanted to go to sleep. But she was content to let him stay up however long he wanted tonight. _Meet Me in St. Louis_ was playing softly on the television, and she was sipping hot chocolate.

“Why couldn’t Stella come over after work tonight?” he asked sleepily.

She looked down at him laying on a pillow on her lap. She ran her fingers gently through his hair and suddenly decided she was tired of not telling him the whole truth. “She, um—she doesn’t like Christmas, Will. She just treats it like a normal day and offers to work so that other people can spend time with their families.”

He turned to look at her, a mixture of curiosity and confusion on his face. “Why doesn’t she like Christmas?” he asked.

Scully bit her lip. This wasn’t her story to tell, and she wanted to respect that. “I think her Christmases when she was young weren’t always happy for her,” she said carefully. “So, when she grew up, she decided she wasn’t going to celebrate the holiday anymore.”

He frowned. “Does it make her sad?” he asked.

The innocence in his question broke her heart. “I think she so, but she doesn’t always like to share her feelings. Sometimes it’s hard to talk about bad memories, and it’s not okay to force someone to talk about them if they don't want to. You just have to love them and be there, and they’ll ask if they ever need anything.”

She watched him process her words and felt a pang of sadness at the fact that, so far, the last part was more of a hope than a reality with Stella.

He rolled back on his side with a sigh. “I wish she wasn’t sad and that she could be here with us,” he said softly.

She ran her fingers through his hair again. “Me too, baby,” she whispered.

***

Stella sat at the island in her kitchen with a glass of whiskey. She’d arrived home from work at nearly ten o’clock, and the thoughts she’d been avoiding all day hit her as soon as she stepped through her front door. Her first desire had been to call Scully—something she’d been resisting the urge to do all day—but she didn’t want to wake her. Plus, a conversation on the phone wasn’t going to fix this.

She shut her eyes against the memories that forced their way into her thoughts. His face, which she normally only saw in her dreams, swam through her mind as she remembered the Christmas Eve parties from her childhood. It was a festive occasion, _the_ social event that family and friends looked forward to every year, and her father was always at the center of it. It was also the one night a year that her parents always appeared in love.

It was an illusion, of course. These were memories seen through the eyes of a little girl who didn’t know how to pick up on the subtle hints of unhappiness between two people who were hiding their dysfunction from the world. She took a drink in an attempt to cut through the waves of grief the memories produced, but as the whiskey burned her throat, a voice in the back of her mind screamed at her that it wouldn’t be enough.

In a moment of desperation, she forced herself to consider the possibility of letting Scully help her. More than anything, she didn’t want to burden Scully with this grief, but maybe Stephen was right. Maybe it was already affecting Scully in a way that couldn’t be helped because Scully loved her. And with anybody else, that would send Stella running in the other direction. But with Scully, she only had the overwhelming urge to give in.

Another memory forced its way to the surface—that of the first night she’d spent with Scully and William, playing board games and laughing over dinner. Everything about being around them had felt comfortable and safe. Scully had built a loving and vibrant home, something that had been missing from Stella’s life since even before her father’s death, and they'd invited her in. And in this moment, it was exactly the kind of safety she was craving.

A tear rolled down her cheek as her mind made a connection to yet another memory, but this time she was startled to find it was an unrecognizable one. She was sitting across from her father, and between them was a game. She slowly recalled its significance; it was one that she played obsessively and only with him in her preteen years. They had abandoned it when he’d gotten sick, and it was put away in a closet somewhere and never touched again after his passing. But she knew exactly where it was now.

She opened her eyes and stood, abandoning the half-drunk glass of alcohol. She made her way up the stairs to the hall closet and opened it. Her eyes rose to the top shelf, where she’d stored a few boxes that she'd never planned to open again. She went and grabbed a step stool from her bathroom and unfolded it, climbing to the top step and reaching between two crates that sat on the highest shelf. She felt blindly until her fingers closed around a wooden box, which she pulled down.

She carefully stepped back onto the ground, looking at the old game that she now recalled was a Chinese strategy game. The wooden board was folded into a box, and she could hear the pieces rattling around inside it. She walked slowly to her room and sat down on her bed, biting her lip as she remembered all of the hours she’d spent playing the game as a child. There was as much pain in the fact that she’d forgotten those moments with her father as there was in remembering them.

Taking a deep breath, she came to a decision: this wasn’t working. She couldn't go through this alone anymore, and she didn't want to. She stood up and brushed the tears from her cheeks. Pulling a duffle from her wardrobe, she filled it haphazardly with clothes and toiletries, and as an afterthought stuffed the game in the bag too.

She rushed down the stairs, grabbing her purse and keys as she forced her feet back into her heels that she’d worn to work. There was a fleeting thought that she should maybe change into different clothes, but she didn’t want to stop. Instead, she walked out the front door and got in her car.

***

Scully jolted awake when her phone started buzzing on her bedside table. She picked it up and squinted at the screen, and her heart started racing when she saw the time and who was calling.

“Stella? Are you okay?” Scully asked as she blindly fumbled for the light switch.

“I—I’m sorry for waking you,” she said, the regret clear in her voice.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m…outside. I’m at your front door,” she said softly.

Scully finally got the lamp to turn on. “You’re…what?”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”

“No, Stel. Just…hang on. Don’t hang up, okay? I’m coming down,” she said quickly, getting out of bed and putting on her robe.

She slipped out of her room and down the stairs, keeping the phone to her ear and trying not to make too much noise. When she got to the entryway, she flipped on the porch light and unlocked the deadbolt. As she opened the door, she hung up and dropped the phone in her pocket.

Stella stood there with a bag in one hand and her phone in the other, and Scully immediately looked her over. She could see that something had happened by the pain etched on her face, but other than that she appeared to be unharmed. However, when Scully stepped aside to let her in, she didn’t move.

Concerned, Scully took two steps toward her, and Stella finally met her eyes. There was a plea there, similar to one she’d seen before, but this time it wasn’t for sex or distraction. This time she saw only a desperate need to be held and cared for, similar to the look of a child who’d been injured. She took one more step and wrapped her arms around Stella.

“Hey,” she murmured quietly when Stella immediately clung to her. She heard a sharp intake of breath and then felt Stella start to cry, but she made no sound. They stood there for a few moments, the silence somehow more heart wrenching than if she’d been sobbing loudly. Scully held her until she felt her breathing calm slightly.

“Let’s go inside,” Scully said, guiding Stella gently through the door. She took the bag from her and set it down, and then helped her out of her coat and hung it up. She turned back to Stella and was relieved to see the tears had slowed.

She picked up Stella’s bag again and took her hand, leading her up the stairs and to her room. Sitting Stella down on the bed, she moved to her dresser and pulled out a sleep shirt for her. She brought it back to the bed and knelt down in front of Stella, who was looking down at her hands. Scully covered them with hers.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked quietly.

Stella looked away, another tear escaping down her cheek. “I—I can’t do it anymore,” she whispered. She cleared her throat. “I can’t, um…be alone.” Her voice broke on the last word.

Scully wiped the tear off her cheek. “Okay. You don’t have to, okay? I’m right here.”

Stella nodded. “Okay,” she breathed, closing her eyes.

Scully helped her stand up and change her clothes. After sitting her back down on the bed, she went and soaked a washcloth in warm water and brought it back to wipe the makeup off Stella’s face. It wasn’t perfect, but she didn’t think she was going to be able to get Stella through an entire skin care routine.

She hesitated for a moment, and then knelt in front of her again. “Stel, have you had anything to drink?”

Stella met her eyes with confusion.

“I want you to take a sleeping pill, but it’ll interact with alcohol,” she explained. When she saw the beginnings of panic in Stella’s eyes, she added, “I know it makes you uncomfortable, but you need a restful sleep. I’ll be with you all night. I’m not going anywhere.”

Stella took a deep breath and nodded again. “I had half a glass of whiskey about an hour ago.”

“Okay. I’ll be right back,” Scully said, giving Stella’s hands a squeeze.

She went downstairs and filled a glass of water. Returning to the bedroom, she went into her bathroom and took two sleeping pills from the bottle in the medicine cabinet.

“Here,” she said when she returned to Stella. “Drink as much of the water as you can.”

When Stella finished the glass, Scully motioned for her to lay down. She walked to the other side of the bed and shut off the light, and then laid down behind Stella and wrapped her arms around her.

Stella grabbed her hand and clung to it, pulling Scully even closer.

A few minutes passed and Scully thought Stella had fallen asleep when she heard her whisper, “Thank you.”


	27. Chapter 27

Scully woke when she heard William’s bedroom door open. She looked at the clock and saw it was just after eight. Stella was still sleeping soundly next to her, and she was looking much more at peace than she was last night, which was a relief. Scully heard William make his way down the stairs with his cane and decided it would be best to join him before he came in here looking for her.

She got out of bed and put on her robe and slippers. After looking at Stella once more to make sure she was still asleep, she quietly slipped into the hallway. She wouldn’t tell William that Stella was asleep upstairs. Stella would come down eventually, but Scully didn’t know what mood she would be in and didn’t want to set any expectations, lest she rather go home.

Scully passed through the living room, eyeing the fake Christmas tree and stockings they’d set up last week. They weren’t big on decorations, given they weren't normally here for the holiday, but they had the basics. She was surprised that William wasn’t on the couch. Instead, she found her him in the kitchen, pulling eggs and bacon out of the fridge.

“What are you doing?” Scully asked.

He jumped and turned to her with an excited smile on his face. “French toast,” he explained, as if it was obvious.

She chuckled. “Okay,” she said with a nod, rolling up her sleeves to help him. “Let’s do it.”

*

Stella woke when the sun streaming through the curtains hit her in the eyes. It took her a second to remember where she was, and for last night’s events to return to the forefront of her mind. She rolled over and found the bed empty, but she could hear noises coming from downstairs and smell something cooking.

She fell back into the pillow with a sigh. She felt rested but still exhausted, and a part of her wanted to stay in bed all day. Scully would let her, she knew, but it wouldn’t be smart after last night to be alone with her thoughts for too long. She also genuinely wanted to see Scully and William, despite the fact that it meant she’d have to spend Christmas morning with them.

After lingering for a few minutes, she got up and put on leggings and a bra. She went to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. Looking at herself in the mirror, she winced at her red eyes and flattened blonde curls. There wasn’t much she could do to fix her eyes, but she was able to fix her hair into a low bun to get it away from her face.

She stared at herself for a few more seconds and resigned herself to the fact that she didn’t look great. She took a deep breath and headed back to the bedroom. Finding an oversized wrap sweater in one of Scully’s drawers, she put it on along with a pair of warm socks and went downstairs.

Stella’s heart fluttered when she heard talking in the kitchen. She stopped halfway down the stairs and closed her eyes to listen. It was the first time she’d woken up here with both of them, and the sound of their voices in the morning made her want to do it more often—forever maybe.

Opening her eyes again, she continued to the first floor and paused at the threshold to the kitchen, finding Scully and William sitting at the table eating breakfast. Scully saw her first, and she stopped mid-chew and smiled softly at her. William was in the middle of telling a story, his back to Stella, and was entirely oblivious to her presence. After a beat, Scully tapped him on the arm to get his attention and pointed at her.

He turned and his face immediately lit up. “Stella!” He stood, ignoring his cane and walking straight to her. He nearly knocked her over with a hug, and it took her a few seconds for her to react and wrap her arms around him.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” he said, his voice incredibly sincere.

She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding and hugged him tighter, shutting her eyes against the tears as her feelings threatened to overwhelm her. She didn’t want to cry, so she opened her eyes to look at Scully. Unfortunately, Scully had tears in her eyes too, paired with a beaming smile.

She seemed to sense what was happening though, because she stood up and said, “Will, why don’t we let Stella sit and have some breakfast with us?”

He stepped back, looking at Stella with a smile she couldn’t help but return. “Do you want some French toast?” he asked.

She nodded, still unsure she would be able to actually say anything without a voice full of emotion. He headed to the cabinet, pulling out a plate to pile with food.

Scully came over and folded her into another hug. “How did you sleep?” she asked.

“Good, I think. No dreams,” Stella replied softly.

Scully pulled back and reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. She searched her face, as if assessing her for injury, and seemed satisfied with whatever she found—or didn’t find—there. She hesitated for a moment, and Stella thought she was going to say something, but instead she leaned in and kissed her gently.

They broke away after only a few seconds when William casually asked what toppings Stella wanted on her toast, either unaware or unfazed by the intimate moment they’d just shared. Scully smiled and took Stella’s hand, leading her to the chair beside hers at the table.

They both remained quiet through breakfast, allowing William to dominate the conversation. When Scully finished her food, she rested her hand on Stella’s thigh and it stayed there for the remainder of the meal. Stella was grateful for the touch and the immediate comfort it provided.

William cleared the dishes for them, prompting a look of surprised amusement from Scully, and then returned to the table with an excited grin on his face. “Presents?” he asked.

Scully chuckled as the ulterior motive of his good deed was revealed. “Okay, but I need another cup of coffee. Stel, do you want one?” she asked.

Stella shook her head and cleared her throat. “I’ll have tea,” she said, garnering a brief look of surprise from Scully.

“Okay,” Scully replied. She turned to William. “Will, why don’t you go sort the gifts?”

He nodded enthusiastically and made his way to the living room. Scully stood and put the kettle on the stove. As she poured herself a cup of coffee, Stella stood and moved to lean against the counter.

Scully eyed her for a moment. “There are gifts for you,” she said carefully. “But if you don’t want them, I can go tell Will to forget about it.”

Stella pressed her lips together. “I don’t have anything for him. Or you,” she said after a beat, wincing slightly.

“I told him that, but he insisted on getting you something,” Scully said with a soft smile. She moved closer to Stella, reaching out to rest a hand on her arm. “And we don’t care. Will has plenty of presents, and to be honest, spending today with you was basically his Christmas wish, so…”

Her voice trailed off when Stella looked away and shut her eyes against more tears, and Scully quickly set her coffee down and wrapped her arms around her. “Hey, I’m sorry,” she said, her voice laced with concern. “That was too much pressure. I didn’t—”

Stella shook her head, pulling back and wiping away the few tears that had managed to escape. “No. It’s overwhelming, but not in a bad way,” she explained.

Scully brought her hand up under her chin, forcing her to meet her eyes. “Okay, but if you want to take a break at any time, that’s completely fine. You just say the word, or give me a look or something,” she insisted.

“Okay,” Stella agreed. The kettle whistled and Scully scanned her face once more before walking over to take it off the stove.

They made their way into the living room, where William was waiting on the floor next to his small mountain of gifts. On the coffee table were two smaller piles, which Stella assumed were for her and Scully. Stella sat on one end of the couch, and Scully sat immediately next to her.

“Go ahead, Will,” Scully said, taking a sip of her coffee and placing her hand on Stella’s thigh again.

Stella watched quietly as William opened his presents—a number of books, a couple sets of Legos, a robotics kit, a few sweatshirts, and a stocking full of sweets. She then watched as Scully opened her gifts—mostly books and various articles of clothing—all of which William explained he’d procured with the help of the other adults in his life, namely Leah. As Scully came to the end of her pile, Stella felt a nervous flutter in her stomach.

“You’re turn, Stella!” William said, turning to her with a wide smile.

She gently set down her tea and picked up the first gift, a rectangular box that wasn’t very heavy. She opened it slowly, and when she lifted the lid of the box, she found a knitted blue scarf. It was made of incredibly soft yarn and looked handmade. “Thank you,” she said, smiling at them both as she lifted it up.

Scully took it from her and wrapped it around her neck. She looked at Stella closely and then said, “It really is a perfect match for your eyes. Don’t you think, Will?”

He nodded in agreement, and then after a beat he impatiently said, “Open the other one!”

Stella looked at Scully with a questioning smile and picked up the second gift, this one much heavier. As she opened and pulled a mug out of the box, she could see William almost bouncing with excitement. She looked at the mug and read aloud, “To do list: coffee, swim, wine, repeat.”

William giggled, and Scully looked at her with an amused smile. Stella let out a chuckle, but she also felt a wave of warmth and befuddlement at the fact that these two people knew her well enough to get her such a casually fitting gift. She then felt ridiculous for getting emotional about a mug.

“Will picked it out,” Scully said, her smile softening in response to the look on Stella’s face.

She turned to him. “I love it, William. Thank you,” she said sincerely. She almost got up and hugged him, but she didn’t.

Scully turned to William. “Alright, I think that’s it,” she declared. “Will, can you get—”

“Wait,” Stella said, resting a hand lightly on Scully’s arm. “I have something.”

Her comment was met with two confused faces. “It’s…I have to go get it, though.”

“Okay,” Scully said. She exchanged a look with William and shrugged.

Stella got up and went upstairs. The idea had come to her while William was opening his presents. No matter what Scully said, Stella wanted to have something to give them. She knew immediately what she’d give Scully, but she didn’t have access to it right now. William, on the other hand, was harder—at least until it became obvious.

When she returned, she handed him the wooden box she’d retrieved from her bag. “I’m sorry it isn’t wrapped,” she said awkwardly. She sat back down on the couch next to Scully, who was watching her closely. She ignored her gaze, too anxious to meet it.

“What is it?” he asked.

“A game,” she said as he unfolded it and found the pieces inside. “I used to…play it when I was young.” Her voice caught slightly on the words, and she felt Scully’s hand come to rest gently on her back.

William looked at the board and pieces curiously. “What’s it called?”

Stella cleared her throat. “I think it’s called _Go_. It’s a Chinese strategy game,” she explained. “I don’t actually remember how to play it. But I’m sure you could look it up online.”

“Would you want to play together?” he asked, meeting her eyes. “Once I figure out the rules?”

She smiled reluctantly and felt Scully’s thumb stroke her back. “Yeah, I’d like that,” she said.

He stood up and came over to her, bending down to give her a tight hug. “Thank you,” he said softly.

“You’re welcome, love,” she replied. The term of endearment slipped out before she could think twice, but she found she wasn't uncomfortable with it.

When William went back to the game and Stella finally looked at Scully, there were tears in her eyes.

*

Scully closed her book and stood from the couch. She walked into the kitchen, where William was attentively reading something on his tablet. The game Stella had given him was set out on the table, and there were a few pieces scattered on it. He had been fiddling with it since they’d finished presents, when Stella excused herself to take a nap.

Scully came up behind him, giving him a one-armed hug and dropping a kiss on the top of his head. He brought his hand up and tapped her arm three times but didn’t say anything. Taking the hint that he was engrossed in his task, she left him alone and went to the fridge to pour a glass of water before heading upstairs.

When she slipped into her bedroom, she found Stella still asleep. She paused to look at her for a moment, relieved once again that her face looked peaceful. She was struck with an overwhelming gratefulness that Stella had shown up here last night instead of doing something destructive. Her mind flashed on the scars on Stella’s thighs, but she pushed the thought away. She knew it had been years since Stella had inflicted those scars—there was no sense in worrying about them.

She sighed and walked over to the bedside table, gently setting down the glass of water she’d brought up for Stella. It was nearly lunchtime, but she’d let her sleep for as long as she needed. She turned to head back toward the door, looking at Stella one last time, and was startled to find her awake and watching her.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to wake you,” she said quietly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. She reached out and brushed a tendril of hair from Stella’s eyes. “You should go back to sleep.”

Stella shook her head and grabbed Scully’s hand, kissing it and then holding it loosely. “I’ll never sleep tonight if I do,” she said with a tired smile. She sat up against the pillow and picked up the glass of water, taking a small sip.

Scully watched her, and another wave of concern washed over her. She wanted so badly for Stella to tell her what was wrong so that she could fix it, even though she knew that it wasn’t something that could be fixed in an instant. She just wanted to take the pain away, because she could see that it was draining Stella of her energy.

Stella read Scully’s thoughts and smiled at her again. “I’m okay, love,” she assured her.

Scully smiled back, hesitant to believe her but resigned to letting it be for now. Stella was here, and that’s what mattered.

“I have something for you,” she said.

Stella’s eyebrow rose, and she watched as Scully retrieved two small boxes from one of her dresser drawers. She hadn’t wrapped them, but it didn’t matter. She didn’t want to wait.

She returned to the bed and handed Stella the larger of the boxes, biting her lip with anticipation as Stella opened it slowly.

“Dana,” Stella whispered as she took the bracelet out of the box. She looked up with watery eyes. “It’s beautiful.”

Scully let out a breath, relieved that Stella wasn’t uncomfortable with receiving another gift. She held out the second box. “This goes with it,” she explained when Stella looked at it with confusion.

Stella opened it, and this time a tear fell down her cheek. She touched the two charms lightly—a ‘D’ and an ‘S’ for their names.

“I was just going to get you an ‘S’, but then the salesperson said I could choose two. You don’t have to wear the ‘D’ though. I know it’s cheesy. I just thought—” She stopped speaking when Stella rested a hand on her knee.

“It's not cheesy,” Stella said, meeting her eyes assuredly. “It’s a stunning gift. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she breathed.

Stella picked up the ‘D’ charm and set the box aside. She carefully attached the charm to the bracelet and then wrapped the bracelet twice around her wrist. After a few failures trying to connect the clasp, she held out her arm. “Can you help me?” she asked.

Scully nodded and took Stella’s hand. After she got the bracelet clasped, she turned it over to admire it. She smiled at how delicately it sat on her wrist. “Perfect,” she declared.

Stella leaned in and captured her lips, bringing her other hand up to her cheek and running her thumb along her jawline. She lingered, and the kiss seemed to hold all of her gratitude—not just for the bracelet, but for the last twelve hours. Scully shivered and broke away, resting her forehead against Stella’s. She took a deep breath, and when she opened her eyes, Stella was watching her with a pleased smile.

She returned it with one of her own. “There’s one more thing,” Scully said.

Stella leaned back against the pillows again. “No more gifts,” she said hesitantly. “I don’t have yours, so you’re making me look bad.”

“You got me a Christmas gift?” Scully asked, raising an eyebrow.

Stella made a face and tilted her head. “I—sort of,” she said cryptically.

Scully chuckled. “Okay, well this isn’t really a gift. It’s just…an offer, and you can say no,” she said. She looked down at Stella’s hand in hers. “Mulder offered to stay with William this weekend so that we could spend a few days together. We don’t have to go anywhere. We could just stay at your place if that’s what you want. Or we could go somewhere. I don’t know where, but it’s an option…”

Her voice trailed off at the end, and she looked up. Stella was watching her with a mixture of affection and amusement. Instead of responding, she moved over and tapped the space on the bed beside her. Scully shifted to sit next to her, and Stella wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her against her. Scully leaned her head on her shoulder.

“Of course, yes. Let’s go somewhere,” Stella said softly, dropping a kiss in her hair.

Scully took her hand and intertwined their fingers. “Where do you want to go?” she asked.

“Anywhere,” Stella whispered.

*

Stella stood next to Scully, drying the dinner dishes that she was washing. They’d spent the day doing mostly nothing, William engrossed in learning about _Go_ and messing around with the robotics kit he’d gotten. Scully read her book, and Stella laid on the couch with her, just resting and letting her mind wander. She’d found it was easier not to linger on the painful thoughts when Scully was there to ground her.

They hadn’t discussed plans—whether Stella would be leaving to go back to work tomorrow. Stella didn’t want to go, but she also didn’t want to encroach on Scully’s week off with William. She was sure they probably had plans, and she would already be taking Scully away from him for the weekend.

“What are you thinking about?” Scully asked, tapping Stella’s arm with a wet dish.

Stella took it from her. “I’m thinking about how I don’t want to go home,” she replied truthfully.

“Then don’t,” Scully said with a small smile. “You’re welcome to stay, Stel. For as long as you want. I think I can confidently say that we both love having you here.”

Stella returned the smile but was still hesitant. “I told work I’d be out until after the new year,” she said after a few seconds of silence, offering the information and letting Scully decide what to do with it.

Scully turned off the water and took the towel out of Stella’s hands, wiping her own dry and dropping it on the counter. Planting both hands on Stella’s waist, she pulled her closer. “Then stay until after the new year,” she said in a near whisper, kissing Stella lightly.

Stella pulled back, her eyes searching Scully’s. “You’re sure?” she asked.

Scully smiled at her warmly. Without a response, she leaned in a kissed Stella again—this time with a deep and lingering kiss that Stella felt everywhere.

She took it as a yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are about five chapters left of this part of the Let Me series. But because I'm not 100% sure it'll be five, I'll warn you when we get to the second-to-last chapter. Thank you all so much for continuing to come back to read, comment, and leave kudos. It's weirdly bittersweet to be wrapping the first part up, but I've started on Part 2 already, and I'm excited about it! ❤️😊


	28. Chapter 28

Stella went home on Friday morning, leaving Scully to pack and hand William off to Mulder. The days following Christmas had been blissful in how uneventful they were. They’d had no plans, so they spent the days taking walks, playing games, baking cookies, and relaxing. It was incredibly domestic, but neither Scully nor Stella was uncomfortable with it—they both knew that Stella would be going home eventually. And yet when that time came, neither was happy about it.

But Stella had to go, because she and Scully were leaving that night to spend the weekend in Bath. They’d spent the last few days planning the trip—ultimately deciding they’d each be in charge of a day and wouldn't share their plans until they arrived. They decided to take the train there on Friday afternoon and return Monday morning, arriving back in time to refresh for a few hours before the New Year’s Eve party at Amy’s house. It would be two full days just the two of them.

Scully had to prepare for Mulder’s arrival, and Stella needed to go home and pack before their departure, so Stella left not long after breakfast. She’d also realized she wasn’t really ready to meet Mulder—something she’d admitted out loud to Scully on Thursday night. Scully mentioned a week earlier that he’d be arriving around lunchtime on Friday, but it wasn’t until she was faced with the prospect of it happening the next day that it had started to bother her.

***

_Stella had been quiet through dinner, and Scully could not figure out what had set her off. She’d been relatively relaxed the last few days, which was a welcome change from how she’d arrived on Christmas Eve. But there had been some shift, as if she’d taken a step backwards and closed herself off again._

_They’d been lying in bed for nearly an hour, Stella on her back and Scully cuddled into her side, but Scully could tell she wasn’t asleep._

_“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” she asked._

_Stella brought her hand up and stroked Scully’s hair. “Nothing,” she sighed. “I just can’t shut my mind off.”_

_“Maybe if you tell me what’s on your mind, it’ll go away,” Scully suggested quietly. She didn’t want to push, but she was worried it was something she’d said or done._

_The silence between them stretched on for a few minutes, and Scully was convinced she wasn’t going get a response when Stella finally said, “I think I should leave tomorrow before Mulder gets here.”_

_Scully heard the hesitation in her voice, and she sat up slightly. She could just barely make out the contours of Stella’s face in the dark. “Okay,” she said slowly. “Is that…it?”_

_Stella huffed out a laugh. “You mean, is meeting your ex all that’s keeping me up?”_

_Scully winced. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just…there’s absolutely no pressure for you to be there tomorrow. And I meant it when I said you don’t have to come on New Year’s Eve.”_

_“I know,” Stella whispered, bringing her hand up to trace Scully’s cheekbone lightly. “But I want to come on New Year’s Eve. And…I should meet him. I’m going to have to meet him eventually, and it’ll just be awkward if I avoid it this time.”_

_Scully’s heart skipped at the implication of Stella’s words. Eventually meant a future. It meant it mattered that she knew Mulder because he was not only an important part of Scully’s life, but of William’s. The idea made Scully want to break down crying and tell Stella over and over how much she loved her._

_But instead, she forced herself to calmly say, “Okay. Then you can meet him the day of the party. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow.”_

_Stella pulled her back down and hugged her tightly. “Okay,” she said._

_“And when you do meet him, I’ll be there. And it can be awkward for all of us,” Scully said with a smile._

_“Great,” Stella deadpanned, making them both laugh._

_Scully wrapped her arm around Stella and took a deep breath. She listened as Stella’s breathing evened out and she finally fell asleep, and only then did she let herself slip away too._

***

Scully looked at the contents of her suitcase one last time before she zipped it shut. Per instructions from Stella, she’d packed a swimsuit and a fancy dress. She’d told Stella to bring comfortable shoes for walking and a warm coat, and she laughed at the fact that just their instructions highlighted some fundamental differences between them. With one last look around the room, she made her way downstairs.

Mulder was waiting in the entryway and took her suitcase out to the car for her. When he’d arrived earlier, he’d seemed surprised Stella wasn’t here and asked about her, but Scully gently brushed him off with a comment about how they were meeting at the train station. He only shrugged and offered to drive her, and she gratefully took him up on it.

She slipped on her jacket and grabbed her purse as he returned. William came down the stairs in his coat, and Scully ran through her mental checklist.

“Ready?” Mulder asked.

She looked between them. “You have my phone number, and I left Amy’s number on the fridge too. And Will’s pain meds are in my bathroom cabinet, in case he needs them. And there’s frozen pizza—”

William groaned and Mulder laughed, ushering her out the door. “I think we’ve got it handled, Scully.”

“Okay,” she said, holding her hands up in surrender as they walked to the car. “I just wanted to make sure you have everything you need.”

Mulder raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you nervous to leave him with me?” he teased.

She grimaced, because it was perhaps a version of the truth, even if it had nothing to do with Mulder. “No, I—”

“I promise not to ride a bike,” William joked from behind them, eliciting a chuckle from Mulder.

Scully spun to look at him with a frown. “Too soon, Will.”

He smiled apologetically at her. “Sorry,” he said.

“I’ll send proof of life texts every hour, Scully. You’ll have nothing to worry about,” Mulder said.

She rolled her eyes as they got in the car, and she glared mockingly at both of them. “You two are insufferable when you’re together,” she said, although her tone didn’t reflect the sentiment.

They both laughed at her as Mulder pulled out into traffic.

***

Stella drove to the train station and parked. Her phone buzzed with a text from Scully, who’d also just arrived, having been dropped off by Mulder and William. She made her way into the station and spotted Scully purchasing their tickets.

“Hi,” Scully said when she saw her, walking up and greeting her with a kiss that made it seem like a reunion.

Stella smiled against her lips and when they broke away said, “I left you not four hours ago.”

“Doesn’t mean I didn’t miss you,” Scully replied, her eyes dancing. She took Stella’s hand and laced their fingers together. “I got our tickets for there and back, and I brought snacks.”

Stella looked at her with an amused smile. “Snacks? The trip is like…an hour long,” she teased.

Scully shrugged. “Mom habits die hard,” she said with a matching smirk. “I’m happy to eat them all by myself though.”

Stella narrowed her eyes playfully, prompting a giggle from Scully. Without another word, Scully pulled her toward the tracks.

They boarded the train and found the first-class seats that Scully had splurged for. Stella let Scully take the window seat to watch the scenery, and when they sat down, Scully took her hand again and held it on her lap. Twenty minutes of comfortable silence passed before Stella broke it.

“I can’t remember the last time I went on a vacation,” she sighed, leaning her head back against the seat.

Scully turned to her. “You never just go somewhere for a weekend…to the beach or something?” she asked.

“Not really my thing,” Stella said with a shake of her head. “Vacation is less fun when you’re alone.”

Scully met her eyes. “I haven't been on a vacation without William…ever,” she confessed with a smile, although it faltered slightly.

Stella squeezed her hand. “Are you uncomfortable leaving him?” she asked carefully.

“No,” Scully replied, looking down. She fidgeted with their hands for a minute before adding, “It’s just the first time since…”

“The accident,” Stella finished.

Scully nodded, and turned to look out the window again. Stella rested her other hand on Scully’s arm but didn’t say anything. She knew nothing she said would be helpful. Scully was a mother, and she’d experienced her worst nightmare with William when he’d gotten hurt. There were no words to ease the anxiety something like that created.

“What do you want to do tonight?” Scully asked in an obvious attempt to change the subject.

Stella thought for a moment. “Stephen gave me some restaurant ideas, including one near the Roman baths. It’s not far from our hotel.”

Scully turned to her, a smile settling back on her face. “That sounds good. I’d trust Stephen any day for a restaurant recommendation,” she said.

“I’ll be sure to let him know that. Anything to feed his ego,” Stella replied with a laugh.

***

They stepped into the hotel room and dropped their bags on the floor. Scully walked over to the sliding balcony doors that offered an exquisite view. She was already in love with the architecture in the city and couldn’t wait for the chance to walk around and admire it. It would have to wait though, because it was already getting dark.

Stella came up behind her, wrapping her arms around her waist and dropping a kiss on the curve of her neck.

“Do I need to change for this restaurant we’re going to?” Scully asked, shutting her eyes and tilting her head to give Stella more access.

Stella smiled against her neck. “No, although I can think of a few other reasons for you to take your clothes off.”

Scully turned slowly and met Stella’s eyes. “Tempting,” she said, biting her lip. “But I really do want to see the city tonight. And if we do that, I don’t think I would be able to leave the hotel room.”

Stella chuckled lightly and leaned in to kiss her, deepening it immediately with one swipe of her tongue. After a few seconds, Scully let out a moan that was followed by a grunt of protest when Stella broke away. “A preview of dessert,” she quipped with a smile.

She turned to walk away, but Scully pulled her back in for another kiss. She brought both hands up to cup Stella’s cheeks, and then intertwined one in Stella’s hair while wrapping her other arm around her neck—every move intended as payback for Stella’s teasing.

“Don’t start something you don’t intend to finish,” Stella murmured against her lips when they broke away to breathe. Scully captured her lips again briefly and bit down lightly on her bottom lip before pulling away for good with a smirk.

“Food?” she asked nonchalantly. She could tell Stella was itching to pull her back in again, but she’d started it and now it would become a game between them for the night—a competition of who could rile the other one up the most during dinner.

Stella confirmed she was willing to play with a look. “Yep,” she replied, equally casual, and she walked past Scully and grabbed her purse. “Let’s go.”

Scully followed her out with a smile.

***

Dinner didn’t disappoint, both because of the quality of Stephen’s recommendation and the non-stop teasing and touching between them. It was relatively tame when it started—Scully's hand resting a little bit lower than normal on Stella's back or Stella's finger trailing along her neck lightly as she pushed her hair back. But by the time dessert came along (at Stella’s insistence despite a look from Scully), Stella had been tracing slow circles on her upper thigh long enough that it was driving her crazy.

She knew Stella could tell because she’d been wearing the same smirk on her face for the last fifteen minutes as she slowly finished her crème brûlée. When the waiter stopped by and they asked for the check, Scully excused herself and ignored the amused look on Stella’s face. She took a breather in the bathroom, and she called the hotel and asked them to send two bottles of wine and a fruit plate to their room. She glanced at herself in the mirror and smiled at her flushed complexion before heading back to the table.

“Let’s walk for a bit,” she suggested to Stella when they left the restaurant hand-in-hand.

Stella’s lips twitched. “Okay,” she agreed, probably thinking it was a continuation of the game.

In truth, Scully just wanted a little bit of air. The city looked as beautiful at night as it did during the day, and she wanted to see the Roman baths lit up.

“Have you ever visited here before?” Scully asked.

Stella glanced at her. “Once on a case, about ten years ago. But otherwise, I’ve never had a reason,” she said. “You?”

Scully shook her head. “It’s been on my travel bucket list for a while, but it’s not exactly a place that made sense to come visit with Will.”

“And there was never anybody else you wanted to come with,” Stella asked casually.

Scully turned to her and tried to gauge if there was a motivation behind that question, but Stella kept her eyes facing forward. They hadn’t discussed their dating history much beyond the high points—Stella’s sexual encounters and Scully’s relationship with Mulder. But there wasn’t much to say. “There was never anybody else,” Scully said simply, because she’d never allowed there to be.

A fleeting look of surprise crossed Stella’s face as they came up along the overlook above the baths. Scully turned away to look over the railing, and she admired the beautifully lit steaming pool and the arched hallways surrounding it.

Stella came up behind her and looked over her shoulder. After a few minutes, she wrapped her arms around Scully's waist and rested her chin on her shoulder. “There was nobody else?” Stella asked.

Scully turned around and leaned back against the railing. “No. A few blind dates, but they never turned into anything,” she said.

An emotion Scully couldn’t read crossed Stella’s face, and her eyes searched hers. “Why me, then?” she asked after a beat.

Scully softened and looked away. She didn’t know how to articulate an answer to that question, maybe because she didn’t know the answer. “You know how you told me that you asked me to dinner because I made you feel safe?”

Stella nodded.

“The night we met, I wanted to protect you,” she said softly. “Your trauma reminded me of mine. And so, I sat with you, and I got to know you. And you know this already, but you’re magnetic, Stella. By the time I discharged you, I didn’t want to let you leave.”

“But you did let me leave,” Stella reminded her.

Scully let out a small laugh. “You were my patient. It would have been inappropriate to do anything about how I felt,” she said. Hesitation remained on Stella’s face, so Scully brought a hand up to her cheek and spoke with a more serious tone. “I don’t know if I can name a single reason why, Stel. Other than I feel like you understand me, and I haven’t felt that way in a long time. I’ve never felt as...seen as I do with you, not even with Mulder.”

Stella leaned into her hand and held her gaze for a few more seconds. Finally, she let out a breath and smiled softly. “Let’s go back to the hotel,” she said, leaning in for a gentle kiss and then taking Scully's hand. She pulled Scully off the railing and they started walking.


	29. Chapter 29

Before Scully was fully awake, her hand reflexively reached out for the warm body beside her. All it found was cold, empty sheets. She blinked her eyes open slowly and after confirming the bed was indeed empty, she turned to look at the clock. It was nearly ten in the morning, which wasn’t a surprise after the night they’d had. But it was a surprise that she was alone.

After their post-dinner walk, they’d returned to the hotel. The desire that had driven the night of teasing hadn’t diminished after the serious tone of their conversation near the Roman baths. If anything, it only guaranteed that they wouldn’t be able to keep their hands off each other once they walked into the room. But the sex was more intimate than either had expected when the night began—driven in part by the revelation Scully had made in confirming that their relationship was more than just a consequence of chance, but that instead Stella was a choice that Scully had made.

Scully looked around the room and found Stella sitting on the small couch near the windows. She was engrossed in a book and sipping what Scully guessed was coffee. There was a tray of food on the table in front of her, although it looked untouched, and Scully could smell bacon and syrup.

She rose quietly from the bed. Already wearing one of Stella’s sleep shirts, she pulled on a pair of flannel pajama pants. She made her way over to the couch and sat down just as Stella looked up from her book and noticed her presence.

“Good morning,” Stella said with a smile. She leaned in for a gentle kiss.

“How long have you been up?” Scully asked, her voice still laced with sleep.

Stella got up to pour her a cup of coffee. “I woke up around six and couldn’t fall back asleep. I finally got out of bed around seven, and then about a half hour ago I decided I couldn’t wait any longer for coffee,” she explained.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Scully asked as she took the mug Stella offered her. She knew sometimes sleeping in new places could have an effect on nightmares caused by trauma.

Stella nodded, but didn’t elaborate. Her gaze turned distanced, as if the question had brought back the memory of what had woken her.

Scully reached out and tapped her leg, pulling her back to the present. “You can always wake me,” she said gently. “I don’t mind.”

“You needed the sleep, so I figured I’d try reading,” she said with a shrug.

Scully looked at the book that Stella had placed on the table. She was surprised to find it was _Persuasion_ by Jane Austen. She didn’t remember seeing any of Austen’s novels among Stella’s collection, but she knew there was a copy in hers.

“I stole it from your bookshelf,” she admitted, as if she could hear Scully’s thoughts. “The story is set here, in Bath. I hadn’t read it since I was younger, so I thought I’d bring it in case we wanted to just sit and relax.”

Scully nodded, only remembering the book’s setting when Stella said it aloud. She remembered reading it in high school and thinking she’d like to visit the city someday. It was probably the reason it was on her list of places to travel, even if she’d forgotten the connection.

Stella pulled the lids off the plates on the breakfast tray, revealing two helpings of bacon, French toast, and eggs. She picked up a piece of bacon and took a bite. “So, what’s on the agenda today?” she asked, pulling Scully out of her thoughts.

It was Scully’s day to plan, and she’d struggled to choose out of the many options what she wanted to do. But she had a pretty good idea of what Stella would pick, so she opted for something different enough that the days would feel unique. “I thought we’d start with the Bath Skyline walk—the walking path on the outskirts of the city—and then we can get lunch at one of the tea rooms and go see the Abbey in the afternoon. It shouldn’t be too cold out today, and it’s supposed to be sunny.”

Stella nodded. “That sounds good,” she said.

With no pressure to be anywhere by a certain time, they ate breakfast at a leisurely pace and then got ready for the day. Dressed in layers for warmth, they made their way to the edge of the city. Scully slipped her hand into Stella’s when they reached the path, and they set a slow pace. The trail took them around and above the city, which was as beautiful from afar as it was up close.

“I have a question,” Stella said after about thirty minutes of walking in comfortable silence.

Scully turned away from the view and looked at her expectantly. “What?”

“I, uh—I know you’ve told me a lot about the work you did with the FBI, but you made a comment a while ago about Mulder and what he's told William about it. And it made it seem like you’ve been holding out on me with some of the…weirder cases you worked,” she said carefully.

Scully stopped walking. “That’s what you’re thinking about right now,” she asked, gesturing at the city views behind her.

“Well, not exactly,” Stella said with a laugh. “My mind was wandering, and I just remembered what you’d said and realized I’d never asked you about it. But we don’t have to talk about it.”

Scully shook her head and started walking again. “It’s fine. There are just so many stories, and to be honest, I’m not sure how to explain most of them. Mulder was always much more inclined to believe in the things we saw. I was much more stubborn about it, and that's probably colored my memories.”

“Give me an example,” Stella said, squeezing her hand.

Scully thought for a minute, sorting through the X-Files she could remember. Her mind landed on one of the weird cases she had fond memories of. “Okay, we once visited a town where a lot of former freak show performers lived. There was something killing people there, and nobody knew what it was. We never actually solved the case, but the leading hypothesis was that it was a man’s underdeveloped conjoined twin that was looking for a new person to attach itself to because its brother was dying. The twin went missing though, and the brother did die. The murders stopped, but we had no evidence.”

Her voice grew softer as she felt the story get more ridiculous with each word. Stella was staring at her in disbelief, and their pace had slowed to a crawl.

“And that one is actually relatively tame,” she admitted, now remembering as least half a dozen more bizarre examples.

An amused smile grew on Stella’s face. “Tell me about another,” she insisted.

They started walking again and that became their conversation, Scully explaining the weirdest cases she could think of. She stayed away from anything dangerous related to government conspiracy, but managed to touch on cannibalistic cults, devil worshipers, and even murderous cats. Stella’s reactions were a mixture of skepticism and delight, but she didn't make Scully feel stupid for what she was sharing.

“It doesn’t sound like you solved any cases,” Stella said after a while, her voice only half teasing. They came back to the beginning of the trail, which had taken them in a large loop in the two hours they’d been walking, and they started back towards the center of the city.

Scully laughed. “We certainly didn’t gather much proof to prosecute the cases in court, although it wasn’t for lack of trying. Oftentimes, there wasn’t a suspect to prosecute, or the person we caught ended up in a psychiatric institution. But our investigations did have a tendency to stop whatever bad thing was happening, whether it be deaths or disappearances.”

“And you and Mulder always disagreed on the conclusions of the case?” Stella asked.

“Not always,” Scully said, although she failed to come up with an example where they were in total agreement. “I was originally assigned to work with him to provide a more scientific tone to his case reports, and I tried to infuse them with as much logic as possible. The problem was, he was making leaps that I couldn’t explain. More often than not, though, we ended up at some middle ground. We both wanted proof of the things we were investigating. It just turned out to be mostly illusive.”

Stella nodded and glanced at her. “So, you don’t believe in any of it? Aliens, monsters, ghosts. Not even some of the stuff you briefly had proof of, like that guy who turned invisible?”

“I don’t know,” Scully sighed and made a face. She hated being asked these questions point blank because she felt like her answers always included a long list of caveats. “There are days where I second-guess everything I saw and experienced when I worked those cases. And there are other days where I'm certain aliens are real. It’s just…not that simple.”

Stella eyed her curiously but didn’t respond, and they walked along in silence for a few minutes. She wished she could convey the way she felt about all of the things she’d seen, but the pace of her decade at the FBI had prevented her from truly processing any of it. By the time she left, she'd just wanted to forget most of it. She did wonder what Stella would think if all of the case files were available to her to read.

“Do you believe in those things?” Scully asked her, although she could guess the answer.

“No,” Stella said. “But I haven’t seen what you’ve seen. And like you, I’d need proof.”

***

They walked into Bath Abbey and took a seat in one of the pews in the back. A number of people were milling about, taking in the cavernous space with its intricately carved columns and ceiling. They sat in silence for a few moments before Stella turned to Scully and found her eyes closed.

She thought about their conversation earlier. All of the things Scully had seen and her criteria for believing in them stood in contrast to one thing—her religion. Stella knew she’d grown up Catholic and her family was religious. But they’d never talked about Scully’s relationship with religion now. She still wore the gold cross around her neck almost every day, but she had never mentioned going to church.

Stella waited until Scully opened her eyes before she asked softly, “Do you believe in God?”

Scully turned to her with a raised eyebrow, likely on the defensive given their location and the touchy subject. But her face immediately softened under Stella’s open gaze, and she seemed to understand that the question was asked without judgement. “I believe in some greater power. For a long time, I thought of it as God, but what man says about God…”

She trailed off, and Stella watched as she seemed to struggle for words. “With everything that has happened to me, William, my family…my relationship with God and the Church fell apart a long time ago. I couldn’t reconcile all of my trauma with what I had been taught. ‘God only gives you as much as you can handle’ starts to become infuriating after you hear it again and again. It's a poor excuse for an explanation. After a while, I couldn’t stand going to church anymore,” she said, her voice becoming rough with emotion.

Stella reached out a hand and Scully took it between hers. She didn’t say anything, but she squeezed her hand lightly as a gesture of support.

Scully smiled sadly at her and looked around. “During Will’s surgery, I prayed. I begged God to let him live,” she admitted softly, and her eyes started to water. Her hand gravitated to the cross around her neck. “I needed him to be okay, and in the absence of being able to do anything else, I turned to prayer. What kind of person does that make me, if I only turn to him in moments of desperation?”

“Your relationship with God is complicated,” Stella offered. "It just means you're human."

Scully didn't respond to that. She turned to her. “Do you believe in God?”

Stella shook her head. “I wasn’t raised with religion, and there was never any talk of it in our family. I think my mother was the one against it. When my father died, his side of the family wanted him to have a funeral in a church. But my mother wouldn’t allow it and had him cremated,” she said. She looked away uncomfortably, chafing at the mention of her father, even though she'd been the one to bring him up.

They sat and passively watched the flow of visitors, Stella thankful that Scully didn't ask any more questions. After a few minutes, Scully stood and led Stella up the stairs to the top of the Abbey tower. The view was as breathtaking as those on the walk they’d taken that morning. Stella wrapped her arms around Scully from behind and they stood, taking it in.

Stella thought again about their conversation earlier. “Why are…or were you able to believe in God, but not what you saw on all those cases?” she asked, making sure again to say it without judgement.

She felt Scully shift, but she didn’t move to turn around. “Religion teaches you that you must have faith, because there never will be any proof of God's existence. Science, and the things we were investigating, didn’t operate under those rules,” she said slowly. She sighed. “But over time, that idea also became difficult to abide by.”

Stella tightened her arms around Scully and let the topic drop for good, sensing Scully wasn’t enjoying the conversation. She looked out over the city and felt a wave of contentment at being there with the woman in her arms. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered in Scully’s ear.

“It is,” Scully agreed softly.

Stella kissed her lightly behind her ear and felt her relax.

***

Scully was almost asleep when she felt Stella shift behind her.

"Why are you awake?" she asked sleepily.

Stella tightened her arms around her. "I was just thinking," she said vaguely.

"About...?"

She heard Stella take a breath. "About how if I believed in God, I probably would have been really angry with him for a lot of the things that have happened to me," she said softly.

Scully sighed. The conversation they'd had in the Abbey earlier was uncomfortable, and she didn't particularly want to revisit it. She knew Stella wasn't probing the issue to make her feel that way, but religion had somehow become a taboo topic for her, especially in the years since her mother died. Undoubtedly, it was tied to her relationship with her brother and her childhood. She opened her mouth to change the subject when Stella spoke again.

"But, I also think I'd be really grateful for everything He's given me recently," she whispered.

Scully's breath hitched as she felt a wave of emotion at the declaration. She knew Stella didn't believe in God, but the idea that she considered her—and William—a sort of blessing made her feel... _loved_.

Not knowing how to respond, all she said was, "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Stella confirmed.


	30. Chapter 30

Instead of room service, they opted to eat in the hotel restaurant on Sunday morning. According to Stella, they didn’t have anywhere to be until early afternoon, so they slept in late enough that breakfast was really brunch. They'd both decided to order mimosas, and they were enjoying their drinks and trading their best travel stories when their food finally arrived.

“Okay, so what are we doing today?” Scully asked after their waitress left. She picked up the small cup of syrup and poured it over her pancakes.

Stella rolled her eyes and smiled. She knew that Scully would have been able to figure out what she’d planned as soon as she’d sent her the packing instructions. “You’re going to pretend like you don’t already know?”

Scully grinned. “Spa day?” 

“The swimsuit gave it away, didn’t it?” Stella asked, taking a sip of her drink.

“Yeah, but I don’t know what we’re doing at the spa,” Scully pointed out. “And you also told me to pack a fancy dress, which I haven’t worn yet.”

Stella chuckled. “We’re getting a couple’s massage, facials, and then we’re allowed to use their rooftop heated pool,” she said. “The dress is for dinner.”

She didn’t elaborate on their evening plans, despite the raise of a questioning eyebrow from Scully. When she’d planned the day, she wanted to make dinner special for two reasons—because it was their last night of vacation, and because she still hadn’t given Scully her Christmas gift.

But now that she was here, she was nervous about it. She’d had a flutter in her stomach ever since they woke up, and she was doing her best not to think about the gift that was sitting upstairs in her suitcase. It felt like a bigger deal than it had when she’d originally thought of it, and her instinct was to just bail on the idea. It wasn’t because she didn’t want Scully to have the gift; she just didn’t know if she could explain it to her.

Nevertheless, they had a whole day to enjoy before dinner, and she refused to spend it feeling anxious.

***

The massage and facial helped. Stella had never gotten a couple’s massage before, but she found it to be a surprisingly intimate experience. She and Scully didn’t speak—that would have felt awkward—but they could see each other if they turned their heads to the side. Stella found that there was something about watching Scully relax and enjoy her massage, the occasional silent communication passing between them—it made her want to be the one touching her. By the time they were left alone to slip their robes back on, Stella couldn't resist pulling Scully in for a long kiss.

They were moved to a different room for their facials, where they were set up in reclining chairs. They were treated to a series of skin therapies, culminating in a face peel that took some time to set. Thus, they were left alone, both relaxed with cucumbers covering their eyes.

“This is…” Scully sighed blissfully. She didn’t finish her thought.

Stella suppressed a smile. “It is, but you don’t find the cucumbers a little—”

“Cliché?” Scully finished with a small laugh. “Maybe, but they feel so good.”

Stella couldn’t help but laugh with her. “You’re right,” she agreed.

They fell into another comfortable silence, and Stella found her mind once again wandering to their evening plans. It immediately brought back the anxious feeling she had successfully pushed away that morning, so she forced the thoughts from her mind and focused on her breathing.

At some point she must have fallen asleep, because she was startled awake by someone touching her. She sat up suddenly and grabbed the wrist of the spa worker who had come to remove the peel from her face, the cucumbers falling into her lap.

Scully reached out and put a hand on her arm. “It’s okay, Stel,” she said softly.

Stella released the woman’s hand and sank back into the chair. “Sorry,” she said, embarrassed.

The woman only smiled calmly at her. Stella looked over at Scully and saw that the woman must have removed her peel first. She looked away, annoyed that she’d ruined the relaxed atmosphere, but the feeling dissipated when Scully took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

***

Seeing Scully in a bikini was her new favorite thing, she decided.

When their facials were finished, they’d gone to the locker room to change. Stella had brought a bikini, but she genuinely thought Scully would wear a one-piece. She had no idea why she’d made that assumption, but when Scully walked out of the stall in a two-piece swimsuit, her jaw dropped.

Stella looked good in a bikini, because she was thin and muscular. But Scully in a bikini was a whole different experience—the suit hugged her curves in all the right ways. She was stunning.

“Stop gawking,” Scully said softly, a blush creeping across her cheeks as she put her clothes in her bag. “It’s not like you haven’t seen me naked, Stel.”

Stella shook her head. Scully picked up her robe to put it on over her swimsuit, but Stella walked over and stopped her, grabbing her hips and pulling her closer. “Naked and this are not the same, even though both are very good options,” she said with a smile. “You look amazing.”

Scully blushed again and leaned in for a soft kiss. “Thank you,” she said. “But can I put my robe on? It’s cold.”

Stella chuckled and released her. “Fine, but I object to you covering that up,” she said, gesturing vaguely toward Scully’s entire body. “Just so you know.”

Scully rolled her eyes as her lips formed an amused smile.

They made their way out to the pool. Like every elevated view of the city they’d seen so far, the view from the rooftop was breathtaking. And even better, they found themselves alone. They undressed and slipped into the heated water, both sighing at the perfect temperature, and migrated to the corner of the pool closest to the edge of the building.

They relaxed in silence for a while, and Stella closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the edge. This really was the ideal day, and she was glad she’d chosen the spa. More importantly, by the looks of it, Scully was enjoying it too.

“Why do you swim?” Scully asked suddenly, breaking into her thoughts.

Stella opened her eyes and looked over at her. She almost said exercise, but she knew that wasn’t the only reason. “It’s something I discovered when I first started traveling for work. Until then, I was a runner. But when I was staying in neighborhoods I didn’t know, I sometimes only had time to exercise at night, and I didn’t feel comfortable running alone. Back then, more hotels had pools than had gyms,” she explained.

“You don’t run at all anymore, though,” Scully pointed out.

Stella smiled. “Swimming is meditative,” she said, looking out at the view of the city again. “Once I started, I became addicted. I never went back to running. It’s hard for me to go without it now, especially on stressful days.”

“But you haven’t gone swimming since we’ve been here.”

Stella turned to her again, eyeing her for a moment. “Being with you isn’t stressful,” she said simply, even though today it wasn't quite true.

***

When Stella walked out of the bathroom, Scully was standing in front of the full length mirror putting on her earrings. She was wearing a navy blue dress with short sleeves and a sweetheart bodice. It reached her mid-thigh and hugged her entire body. Her hair was down in waves, with just a few strands clipped back to keep it out of her face, and she was wearing matching navy blue heels.

For the second time that day, Stella's jaw dropped. Scully met her eyes in the mirror and turned around. “You’re staring,” she said playfully.

Stella’s heart skipped, and she felt a wave of emotion that she still wasn’t willing to name, even though she knew exactly what it was. “You’re worth staring at,” she said softly, using Scully's words from their first date.

Scully gifted her a soft smile and closed the distance between them. “Is the dress too much?” she asked.

“Absolutely not,” Stella said, pulling her in and capturing her lips for a sweet, lingering kiss. “It’s perfect.”

“You look _so_ good, Stel,” Scully said, stepping back and looking her up and down. "I love this."

“Thank you,” she replied. She was wearing a simple sleeveless cream jumpsuit that had wide legs and a high neckline. She’d put her hair back in a loose updo and accessorized with simple silver earrings and a few bangles.

She grabbed her purse and put on her knee-length wool coat. She subtly checked that she had Scully’s gift, once again pushing down the nervous flutter that accompanied any thoughts of it, and asked, “Ready to go?”

Scully nodded, and Stella led them out of the room.

***

She fidgeted with her wine glass as the waiter took Scully’s order. When they’d sat down, her immediate thought was that she wasn’t going to be able to wait until dessert. That had been the plan, but if she was going to enjoy dinner at all, it had to be now.

She felt Scully touch her hand lightly, and she met her eyes. The waiter had gone, and Scully was looking at her with concern. “You okay?” she asked.

She took a deep breath. “I have your Christmas gift,” she forced herself to say.

Scully raised an eyebrow as Stella reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out the small box, setting it on the table between them.

Scully looked at it with something like apprehension, clearly recognizing that it held a ring, and glanced at her with an unspoken question. Stella shook her head once— _no, it’s not a proposal_ —and she suppressed a smile when she saw Scully relax slightly. It was good to know that on that subject, they were on the same page.

Scully reached out and opened the box, and Stella watched as she examined the contents curiously. It held a thin antique floral carved gold ring, and the sight of it brought a wave of emotions and memories from her past. Scully touched it gently but didn’t take it out. She looked to Stella for an explanation.

“It was my great grandmother’s,” she said roughly, and then swallowed to try to clear her throat. “She was my father’s grandmother. It wasn’t her wedding or engagement ring, but she wore it every day. She said that someone who loved her very much had given it to her.”

Scully’s eyes watered and she smiled softly. “It’s beautiful, Stella. But…I can’t—”

Stella shook her head, cutting her off. She reached out a hand, and Scully took it. “I remember talking with my grandmother about it once,” she continued. “She said that most of the family believed my great grandmother had been in love with a woman, and that’s who the ring was from. But as was customary at the time, nobody ever asked her about it and she never offered the truth. And because she couldn’t be with the person she loved, she married a man and devoted herself to her children instead. She wore the ring as a reminder of whoever it was that gave it to her, and then passed it down to her daughter when she died.”

She pressed her lips together at the memory of how the ring had ended up with her, and felt Scully squeeze her hand. She looked up and smiled sadly. “My father gave it to me when I turned thirteen. My grandmother had died a couple years before that and left him with the instructions to pass it along to me when he thought I was ready, whatever that meant. I’m not sure why he gave it to me when I was so young, but I cherished it. I wore it every day until…his death, and then I put it away.”

Silence stretched between them as a tear fell onto Stella's cheek, and after a beat Scully whispered, “Stel—"

Stella met her eyes. “Dana, we get to be together, and I don’t want to take that for granted. That’s what that ring reminds me of. That’s what it represents, and I just thought that if you were to wear it…”

Her voice trailed off, and all the things she still couldn’t say swirled around them—that she was in love with Scully, that she never wanted to forget how lucky she was to be with her, and that she wanted Scully to have this small piece of her. Stella watched tears pool in Scully's eyes and felt them build in her own, and she knew that Scully already knew what she couldn’t say.

Scully let out a breath and reached for the ring. She took it out of the box and slid it onto her right ring finger. She admired it and then looked at Stella. “Thank you,” she said, wiping the tears from her cheek.

She took Stella’s hand again and they sat in silence for a few minutes, Stella's anxiety melting away. She looked at the ring on Scully's finger, and although it did remind her of her past, it now also represented something good. And that felt right.


	31. Chapter 31

Scully couldn’t stop playing with the ring on her finger. They were on the train and Stella had fallen asleep not long after they’d boarded, leaving Scully alone with her thoughts. And at the moment, her thoughts were focused on the ring and the woman beside her.

Stella had been nervous all day yesterday, and when she’d given her the gift at dinner, Scully finally understood why. She sensed the internal struggle as Stella tried to share with her how she felt, and she saw the love in Stella’s eyes when she lost the fight and didn’t say it out loud. Scully wanted so badly to wrap her arms around Stella and tell her it was okay, that she didn’t need to say it if she wasn’t ready. But instead of calling attention to it, she’d accepted the gift and slipped the ring on her finger. And with that, Stella seemed to relax.

The rest of dinner felt normal, as did what happened back in their room afterwards. But when they’d woken up this morning, Stella was nervous again. She tried to hide it, but Scully could tell, and this time she knew what it was. She thought back to their conversation about Mulder, and how Stella was nervous to meet him. That would happen today, if everything went according to plan. But the fact that Stella was anxious made Scully want to protect her from it—and she was thinking maybe she should just change their plans…or cancel them.

Stella woke when the train slowed on its approach to the station in London, pulling Scully back to the present. She watched as Stella blinked the sleep from her eyes.

“Did I sleep the entire time?” she asked, looking out the window and realizing where they were. “I’m sorry. You should have woken me.”

Scully smiled softly at her, reaching out to tuck a strand of loose hair behind her ear. “You looked peaceful. And it’ll be a late night, so I thought I’d let you rest.”

Stella leaned her head on Scully's shoulder with a sigh and took her hand, not responding to the reminder of their evening plans. And Scully felt a pang of guilt at another sign of Stella’s anxiety.

***

Stella drove her home in silence, both of them tired and lost in their own thoughts. It wasn’t a tense silence, but Scully was comforted when Stella took her hand and didn’t let go for the entire ride. When they pulled into the driveway, Stella got out and helped Scully pull her luggage out of the trunk, handing it to her. And then they stood for a moment, neither wanting to part ways after three perfect days together.

Scully bit her lip and came to a decision. “What if we stayed home tonight?” she asked. “Mulder can take Will to Amy’s house for the party, and you and I can do New Year’s here together.”

Stella’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Is that what you want to do?”

Scully pressed her lips together and looked away. She didn’t want to tell Stella that she was just trying to protect her from meeting Mulder and going to a party where she didn’t know anybody. She wasn’t sure Stella would react well to that.

“Do you—” Stella started. She shifted on her feet and crossed her arms. “Do you not want me to come to Amy’s?”

Scully’s eyes widened and she shook her head, suddenly realizing what this must look like. “God, no that’s not it all,” she assured her, stepping forward and resting a hand on Stella’s arm. She took a breath and met her eyes. “I just don’t want you to feel like you have to go. It’s only been a week since you showed up here in the middle of the night, and you were not okay, Stel. This—meeting Mulder and my friends—it can wait.”

Stella’s face softened, and her lips formed a small smile. “I’m going to feel nervous whenever it happens, love. There’s nothing you or anybody can do about that. But I want to be with you _and_ William tonight, and I know he wants us there too.”

She brought a hand up to Scully’s cheek. “I can handle it. But thank you for trying to make it easier.”

The front door opened as Scully leaned into Stella's hand with a sigh, and William walked out. They both turned to look as he made a beeline for Stella and wrapped his arms around her. Scully's heart skipped at the sight, and Stella laughed and hugged him back.

“Hi William,” Stella said. “Did you have a good weekend?”

“Yeah,” he said, pulling back and smiling. He turned and hugged Scully, and she felt him tap her arm three times. “But I’m happy you’re home.”

Stella smiled at him as the front door opened again, and Mulder came and stood on the porch to watch them, hands stuffed in his pockets. They both glanced at him briefly, and then looked at each other.

“Now or later?” Scully asked her quietly as William looked between them, his arms still wrapped around her.

Stella took a breath. “Now,” she said, after a beat.

Scully smiled softly at her and looked at William. “Can you grab my suitcase and bring it in, baby?”

He nodded and released her, grabbing the bag and rolling it up to the house.

Scully turned to Stella and offered her hand. With a grateful look, Stella took it and they made their way up to the door.

Mulder smiled as they approached him, seemingly pleased that Stella wasn't going to leave without saying hello. “Hey!” he said eagerly.

“Hey,” Scully replied with a gentle smile. William had passed Mulder and brought the bag inside, leaving the three of them alone. She slowed and turned to Stella, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Stel, this is Mulder. Mulder, Stella.”

Stella dropped her hand and held it out. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” she said sincerely.

He shook it and smiled wider. “Same. Will talks a lot about you.”

Stella raised an eyebrow in surprise, but she didn't have a chance to reply before William came back outside to join them. He put his arms around Scully again and looked between the three of them curiously.

“Mulder is going to drive Will to the party early,” Scully said to Stella after a moment, filling the awkward silence. “So, it’ll just be me you're picking up.”

Stella nodded. “Half past six still a good time?” she asked.

“Perfect,” Scully said.

“I better go then,” Stella said after another pause. There was a second of hesitation before she leaned in and kissed Scully on the cheek. She looked at Mulder one more time and awkwardly said, “Goodbye.”

Mulder lifted his hand and waved, still smiling. Scully suppressed her amusement at Stella’s chaste gesture and quick exit. “I’ll see you later,” she told her.

Stella nodded and walked back to her car, and they watched her drive away before turning to go inside.

Mulder reached out and tapped Scully’s arm. “That wasn’t too awkward,” he teased, obviously sensing they'd been nervous about it.

She rolled her eyes. “Shut up,” she said with a laugh.

***

Stella stared at her wardrobe. Scully told her to dress fancy, because Amy’s party was black-tie formal for the adults. Stella had plenty of options, but she still had no idea what to wear. She knew her nerves were making what should have been a simple decision much harder, but she really wanted to make a good first impression.

She thought about the brief meeting with Mulder and cringed. It had been awkward, which was probably unavoidable, but she’d barely spoken a word to him. And then she’d bolted at the first opportunity, because she knew she wasn’t going to be able to come up with anything to say. She hoped he didn’t think she was cold and standoffish—the impression she most often seemed to leave with others, especially men.

Stella chewed on her lip and picked up her phone to text Scully.

_What are you wearing?_

She waited impatiently, sitting down on the edge of the bed. She fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist and her leg bounced up and down. She'd come up with a few options when her phone finally buzzed.

_Red dress._

Stella’s eyebrows rose, and her lips quirked slightly when Scully sent her another text with a wink emoji and a dancing woman in a red dress emoji. She’d never seen Scully in red before. She tapped her fingernails on the back of her phone case as she contemplated her options, and then remembered one she’d forgotten.

From her wardrobe, she pulled out a black suit and laid it on the bed, and then she went to her dresser in search of a strapless black top she almost never wore. It hugged entire torso and had a sweetheart neckline, which was a little too bold for her to wear alone. Under one of her suits though, it was a good blend of sexy and formal. And most importantly, it would match well with a red dress.

She got dressed and pulled her hair back into a low bun, realizing she didn’t have time to style it in her normal curls. Slipping on a pair of black stilettos, she glanced at herself in the mirror once more before she grabbed her purse and left to pick up Scully.

***

Scully opened the door wearing a sleeveless floor-length red dress with a slit the reached halfway up her thigh and a neckline that plunged a few inches below her breasts. Her hair was down in soft curls, she was wearing diamond earrings, and her lips—currently set in a smirk as Stella took in her appearance—were painted red.

It took Stella’s breath away. “Damn,” she whispered.

Scully laughed. “Surprise!”

Stella stepped forward and kissed her lightly on the cheek, careful to not mess up Scully's lipstick. When she pulled back, she left a hand resting on her hip. “When did you get this?” she asked, looking down at the dress again.

“I ordered it after you agreed to come to the party. Normally, I would have worn something I already had, but…” She shrugged.

“I love it,” Stella said with a small smile. “Kind of cruel that you didn’t wait to put on the lipstick though.”

Scully chuckled. She pushed Stella back and looked her up and down. “You look hot, Stel.”

Stella shook her head and threw her an amused look. “Nobody’s going to be looking at me,” she said. “Not with you on my arm.”

“ _I’ll_ be looking at you,” Scully teased, pulling her in again and bringing a hand up to lightly trace her jawline.

Stella held her eyes for a moment. “It’s really unfair that I can’t kiss you right now,” she huffed in frustration.

“You can kiss me,” Scully offered, leaning in slightly.

“Not like I want to,” Stella replied as their lips almost touched. “Not if we’re going to get to that party on time."

Scully stroked her cheekbone with her thumb once more before she stepped back with a sigh. “Fine, but at midnight, the lipstick doesn’t matter,” she said as she picked up her jacket and purse, throwing Stella a playful look. “Come on, let’s go.”

They drove in silence for a few minutes, Scully holding Stella’s hand. She trailed a finger lightly along Stella’s bracelet, thinking warmly of when she gave it to her almost a week ago.

Stella turned to her. “So…how much did I embarrass myself in front of Mulder?” she asked, apprehension evident in her voice.

Scully’s eyebrows rose. “You didn’t,” she said. She smiled at her softly, tilting her head to the side. “You’ll get used to being around each other. It’ll just take time.”

“Right,” Stella said, forcing a smile in response.

Scully squeezed her hand. “Even if he doesn’t like you, which I know is not the case, it doesn’t matter to me,” she said.

Stella turned to her, an eyebrow raised in surprise.

“I just…wanted you to know that,” Scully said. “But it will get better. I’m pretty sure Amy already loves you, and she’ll be a great buffer. Trust me, she’s great at defusing awkward situations. And I promise I won’t leave you alone, so you don’t have to worry about being ambushed. And if—"

Stella laughed lightly and squeezed her hand. “Okay,” she said, stopping her. “Let’s not get too carried away. I think I’m capable of being left alone. But thank you.”

When they pulled up to the house, they had to park a couple of blocks away because of all the cars. The party appeared to already be in full swing, and they could hear music as they walked up to the front door.

Scully turned to look at Stella. “Ready?” she asked, her hand poised to ring the bell.

“Yeah,” Stella replied with a smile, turning to face the door as her stomach fluttered with nerves. She waited a few seconds, but Scully didn’t press the button. She turned back to her in confusion and was caught off guard when Scully pulled her in for a kiss.

It took her a second to react and wrap an arm around Scully’s waist to keep them balanced. She relaxed into the kiss but resisted the urge to deepen it, hyperaware of where they were. Scully apparently had other plans though, because she traced her tongue across Stella's bottom lip.

And Stella was about to give in when the door opened.


End file.
